So I resolved my issue. Apparently Netflix was bottlenecking the connection, despite the network equipment having been rebooted. Never had that issue before, but in this instance that's what was causing my patching issue.

As a note, Netflix was running through my PS3 which was not connected to PSN at the time, so it may have been some port that was choking it up for some reason. Just make sure all your streaming services are off, then restart the launcher and see if that takes care of it for you.