A Lesson in Tactfulness

[Teryaani]

TIL: Western is a race

Slightly more seriously: Japanese players are a great deal more circumspect, which can pass for tactful in a bad light.

Did I say possible? Sorry, definite.

When I was studying Japanese,

I think I found the root of the issue. This isn't something you gleaned from actually interacting with people, its something you picked up in language class. I'll say it again, tact isn't cultural/national/racial. It's something you learn with interacting with others.

To your language point, every group has it's own linguistic bits that allow them to signal each other (My favorite is the southern idiom "Bless his heart") without appearing to be rude.

[Aegis]

Did I say possible? Sorry, definite.

I think I found the root of the issue. This isn't something you gleaned from actually interacting with people, its something you picked up in language class. I'll say it again, tact isn't cultural/national/racial. It's something you learn with interacting with others.

To your language point, every group has it's own linguistic bits that allow them to signal each other (My favorite is the southern idiom "Bless his heart") without appearing to be rude.

It's actually something a 50-something year old Japanese woman who is paid to teach Japanese language and culture taught me. I assume she knows what she is talking about. Bless his heart isn't really a Southern thing, it's common in the UK too. It can be affectionate or patronising depending on how it's used. Often both.

[Fyrebrand]

1. For Christmas, your grandmother gives you a sweatshirt which you think is ugly. She asks how
you like it. What should you say?

"WTF Grandma, this is is DRG gear and I'm WHM. Learn to gift, noob."

2. You are watching TV and the phone rings. Your mom answers it and tells you it’s Jane. You
don’t like Jane and don’t want to talk to her. What should you say?

/blist Jane

3. Your friend gets a new baby sister and you think it is the ugliest baby you’ve ever seen. Your
friend asks you, “Isn’t she the cutest?” What should you say?

"Get that baby a Fantasia, pronto!"

4. Your teacher is walking down the hallway with a piece of trash stuck to her shoe heel. What
should you say?

"DPS shouldn't be pulling the trash, leave that to the tank."

5. Your friend has been talking for 10 minutes with a big piece of broccoli stuck between his teeth.
What should you say?

[Vote to Kick]

6. You are visiting your friend’s house and your friend’s mom serves liver and onions for dinner,
which you think is disgusting. What should you say?

[Vote to Abandon]

[ShenDrakar]

...funny stuff...

Lmao! /10char

[Noshpan]

It is quite possible to be tactful and honest. However, sometimes it's more satisfying to be colourfully salty whilest painfully honest. (German researchers have shown that profanity makes pain, say from stubbing your toe, go away faster.)

[HakuroDK]

It is quite possible to be tactful and honest. However, sometimes it's more satisfying to be colourfully salty whilest painfully honest. (German researchers have shown that profanity makes pain, say from stubbing your toe, go away faster.)

I'm not denying that. This whole thread is meant to point out that, at the core of much of the toxicity of many arguments here in the forums and in-game, it all could have been avoided with a little bit of tactful expression. Feel free to scream into your pillow or smack a tree with a stick or something to get your frustrations out. Just please try not to take it out on other people if you can help it. It's more of a "please be considerate of other people as you would have them be considerate of you" thing and less of a "you are not ever allowed to express negativity ever" thing. I mean, if you bring up a point and someone disagrees with you, you wouldn't want them treating you like crap, right?

[Elim]

I show my friends how much I like them by not being tactful at all. We call each other horrible, terrible things with all the love in the world. bff's 4 lyfe

[MirielleLavandre]

I agree completely with Burning. However, tact is something rarely seen, which is sad, so much so that even relatively constructive disagreements often can't be talked about either because someone is being 'blunt', which often is just an excuse for rudeness, or cannot rightly respond with a 'good answer' and so just end up being mean. I've had issues myself, at times, with just losing it, but I think the core value of treating people as if they were right there next to you playing, is a good one. Half of the mean things I witness in-game and on the forums I doubt would ever happen if the people were face to face. Anonymity shouldn't be en excuse to be mean and abusive. Then again...I guess this is the internet.

[Edenholt]

I agree completely with Burning. However, tact is something rarely seen, which is sad, so much so that even relatively constructive disagreements often can't be talked about either because someone is being 'blunt', which often is just an excuse for rudeness, or cannot rightly respond with a 'good answer' and so just end up being mean.I've had issues myself, at times, with just losing it, but I think the core value of treating people as if they were right there next to you playing, is a good one. Half of the mean things I witness in-game and on the forums I doubt would ever happen if the people were face to face. Anonymity shouldn't be en excuse to be mean and abusive. Then again...I guess this is the internet.

I believe that the main problem is that the gaming community degenerated into a bunch of arrogant and selfish individuals that can't phantom the possiblity that they might be wrong, that other people will have different mindsets and preferences.The GREAT majority just can't take a minute to try and see the situation from someone else's perspective, which result in endless rethorical argumentation that end with insults and all the trash talk we often see in these forums. Most forums posters don't come here for information exchange or discussions, they come to preach their opinions as facts and will attack anybody who disagree with them. The lack of tact is just the tip of the iceberg in regard of the way we treat each other.

[HakuroDK]

I believe that the main problem is that the gaming community degenerated into a bunch of arrogant and selfish individuals that can't phantom the possiblity that they might be wrong, that other people will have different mindsets and preferences.The GREAT majority just can't take a minute to try and see the situation from someone else's perspective, which result in endless rethorical argumentation that end with insults and all the trash talk we often see in these forums. Most forums posters don't come here for information exchange or discussions, they come to preach their opinions as facts and will attack anybody who disagree with them. The lack of tact is just the tip of the iceberg in regard of the way we treat each other.

You are absolutely correct that tact is just the tip of the iceberg, but if we can embrace tact, then we can at least start to get to the root of the problem!

Baby steps.