The Many Deaths of Final Fantasy XIV

[Violyre]

Many things have happened in this game's history that killed FFXIV. i just thought it'd be nice to come up with a list of other things that have killed FFXIV entirely. This list is based on various mentions I've seen, and personal experience.

To note, I did not start playing until sometime during 1.2 but quit a couple months later, and returned sometime in 2.2. I may have gaps in the history of all the deaths the game has suffered. I will update this list if you tell me what I need to add.

I will also be updating this as the game repeatedly dies with major changes, and would like to keep this around as an archive of softs. Don't be surprised if I bump this every so often as it's updated!

1. Version 1.0: This barely needs to be pointed out. "This game sucks!" said everyone. Many players quit the game at this point, causing SE to take the servers offline as it was no longer profitable.

2. Version 2.0: ARR ushered in many changes to better the system. "No one will come back! This game is unfixable" said everyone at the closure of 1.0. And no one came back, causing SE to not bother bringing up the servers again.

3. Amdapor Nerf: The release of A Realm Reborn brought many things 1.0 lacked, one of which was a dungeon called Amdapor Keep. As players braved the trials within, many saw a fan favorite boss from an older Final Fantasy game, but none of them expected that they would have to deal with something Cecil and company didn't. "This fight is too hard!" said the peasants. "Oh, no, not the bees! Not the bees!" exclaimed Malus. Hearing the players cry out, 2.2 released a change to the fight in the removal of the the bloodlappers. This enraged players who had cleared the dungeon and were gearing up in the Second Coil of Bahamut. "It was easy if you knew what to do!" steamed the endgamers. Many players quit the game at this point, causing SE to take the servers offline as it was no longer profitable.

4. Adding Echo to EX Primals: every person enjoys challenging themselves just a little bit more. While some players struggled with Titan Hard, others made a plea to SE: "Please give us even harder versions of these fights!" SE listened, and added a new level of challenge: Extreme. This battles were plenty difficult, some players even stating that Ifrit EX was impossible because they needed to clear Titan EX first. As newer challenges came later, SE decided it was time to allow everyone to catch up with the additions of Moggle Mog XII EX and Leviathan EX, and gave Echo to the struggling groups. The players became infuriated. "It's supposed to be hard! Leave it as it is! We don't need no n00bs stankin' up our endgame!" Many players quit the game at this point, causing SE to take the servers offline as it was no longer profitable.

5. Adding The Binding Coil of Bahamut to Duty Finder and giving it Echo: Hardcore endgame raiders were up in arms over this. "How dare the plebians be able to access our content? They do not deserve even T3! Now anyone can roll through it like a level 90 WoW players runs through Molten Core! Twintania will be as difficult as the first mob you kill in the game!" Many players quit the game at this point, causing SE to take the servers offline because the game was no longer profitable.

6. Letting Sands/Oils of Time to be gathered from Syrcus Tower: Originally, only SCoB raiders could obtain these items, allowing them to upgrade Soldiery gear as they waited for their High Allagan items. There was a rage when it was announced that Syrcus Tower had a rare chance of giving these. "We won't be able to tell the noobs from the good because everyone will have all i110 items when they turn 50!" Further rage came when it was announced that there would be guaranteed drops! "Blasphemy!" they called out. Many players quit the game at this point, causing SE to take the servers offline because the game was no longer profitable.

7. Hunts: A new way was given to obtain items such as those to acquire i110 upgrade items, and relic upgrades. This involved people killing a mob with a fairly small respawn timer for great rewards. "This is catering to casuals too much!" called the hardcore raiders. "I wish I could see the mob!" shouted the PS3 players." Tweaks were made to B ranks. "It's still 3ez5me" yelled the hardcore raiders. "I can finally see what Naul looks like! I wish I could see the S and A rank hunts though!" stated the PS3 players. Many players quit the game at this point, causing SE to take the servers offline because the game was no longer profitable.

8. Player housing: The issue with player housing was a terrible event. Only the rich could afford then, while others were forced to live in the sewers of Limsa Lominsa. The biggest issue was from a year old quote from the big man himself stating player housing would be more affordable than FC housing. Development ensued over the course of the year, methods were attempted, but the server has only so much power. Many players quit the game at this point, causing SE to take the servers offline because the game was no longer profitable.

9. Adding Second Coil of Bahamut to Duty Finder and giving it Echo: Hardcore endgame raiders were up in arms over this. "How dare the plebians be able to access our content? They do not deserve even T7! Now anyone can roll through it like level 90 WoW players runs through Molten Core! Nael Deus Darnus will be as difficult as the first mob you kill in the game!" Many players have announced that they quit the game at this point, causing SE to take the servers offline because the game will be no longer profitable.

10. Cash Shop: The latest death of FFXIV. It was announced that there would be vanity items in-game for people that pay real life money. "You are supporting Pay to Win!" said the people who do not like nice things. "Even Fantasia should be removed as it is the ultimate item for Pay to Win" cried a small group of people. Many players have announced that they quit the game at this point, causing SE to take the servers offline because the game will be no longer profitable.

11. Atma: One day, everyone had relic weapons. "These are nice, but can we upgrade them to keep fresh with current content?" asked everyone. And SE understood the plight, but believed relic weapons should be a special item, one that you need to work for. And hence, the relic upgrade quests were added. After a relatively simple upgrade to Zenith level, the players discovered that further requirements were not so easy. They would have to go to low level zones and use the FATE events to acquire them. The players shouted out "we do not think this is fair to use a random chance!" Other players cried "my friend/significant other/wife/husband/parakeet got them all on the first FATE!" This has been announced that a higher droprate will be added in 2.4. Sadly, this update will never see the light of day because many players quit the game at this point, causing SE to take the servers offline because the game was no longer profitable.

12. Egis: A staple of the Final Fantasy series, Summoners, were announced to be added with ARR. "I can't wait to summon my own primal!" squeeed everyone who wanted it. Upon release, once people unlocked the job, they were disappointed that their primal was nothing more than an ugly floating thing. "Where are my full-sized Primals?" cried the summoners. But SE opted to stick to the lore they made for why you got an Egi instead. Many players quit the game at this point, causing SE to take the servers offline because the game was no longer profitable.

13. Occupy Wall Street, FFXIV Edition: One day, SE looked at the total of currency on their servers. After making up a brand new number type, they sat down to think "who has all the gil?" They looked, and discovered 1% of the population had the majority. They had a meeting to discuss this, decided they were part of the 99%, and laid a blanket ban out. An unfortunate side effect was that some of the 1% may or may not have obtained their riches legally ended up banned. This caused huge pickets at SE headquarters, with signs like "We are the 1%! Give our accounts back!" Their accounts were not given back. 1% players quit the game at this point, causing SE to take the servers offline because the game was no longer profitable, inside or outside of the game.

14. The Introduction of Item Levels: Item levels were introduced, an attempt to give players an idea of if someone could meet the gear demands of a fight. This paved the way for a furious rebellion. "Now people are going to demand you have a certain item level for content!" the people who wear racial gear on their level 50 class jobs said. SE responded to this with "yes, that's the point." as they introduced item level requirements for newer content, thus making everyone just one itty bitty ilvl point away from something new have to resort to Party Finder and a lot of Dark Matter. Many players quit the game at this point, causing SE to take the servers offline because the game was no longer profitable.

15. The Adjustment to Spiritbonding: One day, the players called out to SE. They cried out "can't you do something about these guys wearing crafter gear to spiritbond in my raid?" SE implemented a new system that lowered the rate of lower level gear spiritbonding in high level dungeons and raids. The players then screamed "I should be able to spiritbond a whole set of crafter gear in Syrcus Tower, because what are the chances I'll get into a group with 23 other people who want to do the same thing. Many players quit the game at this point, causing SE to take the servers offline because the game was no longer profitable.

16. Maintenance: Whether it was to fix a kink in the server, fix a bug, to upgrade the servers or update the games, or even Acts of God the players were enraged. "Give us comp time for that!" whined the players. "SE is better about how often other games take down their servers and those games don't comp either!" said people who had played other MMOs. "This isn't WoW so they should comp us for every time they take the server down!" retorted the first group. And indeed, one time in history, during the dark ages of 1.0, the servers went offline for two weeks, and was comped, setting a precedent that despite the fact a natural disaster took them down that time, SE decided to bow to the whims of the players and comped every time they went down. The transition from 1.0 to 2.0 took a heavy toll on SE's profits. Many players continued to play the game at this point, causing SE to take the servers offline because the game was no longer profitable.

17. Maintenance times: To append to the above death, SE took a look at the servers to decide when maintenance would be. The time with the lowest amount of active players would be the best time, they thought. Midnight Pacific on a Monday was picked, but the playerbase quelled in fury. "The middle of the night is the primetime for NA players!" said the kids that were probably supposed to be asleep because they had school in the morning. "Comp us for screwing primetime!" shouted others. "Scribble scribble" said the pens of the JP players as they feverishly took notes. "..." said the EU players as no one listen to them anyways. SE kept the time despite the protests. Many players quit the game at this point, causing SE to take the servers offline because the game was no longer profitable.

18. NINs as DPS: On one fateful day, the developers made the announcement of a big thing in 2.4. "A new job, before the expansion!?" squealed the public. "NIN? It'll be good to have another tank class!" Before too much time had elapsed, it was revealed that NIN would be a DPS class. "WTH is wrong with you SE!? NIN is historically a tank job!" complained the people whose only other FF game was FFXI and didn't realize it wasn't supposed to tank there either. Many whinjas quit the game at this point, causing SE to take the servers offline because the game was no longer profitable.

19. DRK as Tank: One day, we were given info that Batman was going to be a job. Some people got past that, and realized it was Dark Knight. "They're the best DPS in every FF game they're in! I can't wait!" One weekly later was the official announcement, where everyone was excited for two minutes, before it was revealed as a tanking class. "DRK as Tank!? That's absurd! There is no way that a tank that could hold hate by damage alone and has natural self heals could be good!" said people too impatient to wait for more info. Many players quit the game at this point, causing SE to take the servers offline because the game was no longer profitable.

20. Gender Inequality: SE decided to make cute armor one time, but limited it to the only gender it actually looks good on: females. "We want to wear a pretty pink dress too!" Cried the menfolk. "Welcome to our world" stated the bronies. "I want pants and not a crotchguard!" said the poster of this thread. The people laughed at the poster for being downright silly, as they continued to hate SE for not supporting Roegadyn men in drag. Many players quit the game at this point, causing SE to take the servers offline because the game was no longer profitable.

21. Teleports: In the early days of FFXIV, we were given some replenishable anima for the currency to teleport to aethyrite crystals. If you ran out of anima, it's time to quit for a few days. Among the changes to 2.0 was the use of gil to teleport. "Bring back anima!" said the people that think 1.0 was a good system. One set of factions wishes there to be less aethyrite crystals. This faction believes that everyone should go make the walk from Limsa Lominsa to Mor Dhona by themself on foot. Because SE listens to the 2% of people in the game, one day, all players found out that they had to ferry themselves around. The 98% of players that thought the teleports were fine quit the game at this point, causing SE to take the servers offline because the game was no longer profitable.

22. Fly Me a River: Glorious news was announced at the Grand Commemeration for FFXIV, also known as Las Vegas Fanfest. We would be gaining new land to explore! New sights to see! More story! Flying mounts! It was this last one that rallied concern. "We want less Aethyrites! Flying mounts are the opposite of that!" said the people mention in 21. "It makes the world smaller!" They did not understand that mostly likely, current zones would not be included until a future expansion, "A Realm Reborn Reborn." Some players pointed out that some screenshots suggested only certain areas would allow it, but the naysayers still said no altogether! due to the waste of production time, FFXIV became underfunded, causing SE to take the servers offline because the game was no longer profitable.

23. No Doodying While Dutying: One day, players who are lazy decided that they only wanted to join duties in-progress. "We spend five hours trying to get into Syrcus because of the only people lazier than the ones that spam the teleport until it activates!" cried the playerbase. SE saw this plight, and brought us a new feature to punish in-progress fishers. People were outraged. "What happens if I have to tinkle!?" said the people who have to bolt to the bathroom every five minutes and should probably check with their doctor about some med advertised on TV. "What happens if I need to answer the phone!?" called the people who haven't switched phones since the 90s." "I have to wait 24 hours to enter a duty if I somehow miss three duties a day!" cried the people who wait until exactly 9 am PDT to search for duties. Because everyone got locked out of their duties, many players quit the game at this point, causing SE to take the servers offline because the game was no longer profitable.

24. Lightning Strikes Out: To celebrate the return of a certain time and possibly dimension hopper from the Final Fantasy XIV world, an event was created in the Final Fantasy XIV world, which brought Lightning Farron to the world. "This event breaks lore! bellowed the in-depth lore readers, who haven't heard the phrase "we should do it just for the hell of it." "Quit forcing your Mary Sue on us!" cried the people who didn't find the deepness in Lightning's storyline. Many players quit the game at this point, causing SE to take the servers offline because the game was no longer profitable.

25. Converting Tomestones: One day, it was decided that, to accommodate newer gear without bogging the players to a ton of various curriencies as well as letting players get tomestones for the newest gear from all dungeons and not just new ones, SE decreed they would be phasing out Tomestones of Philosophy. "There is no reason to change currency!" shouted the fans of WoW's WotLK expansion's currency system. "Just make it a 1:1 conversion." called others. The final group furiously raged "Make the new tomestones drop in equal amounts to what the old ones were!" as SE promised to keep an eye on the situation. Many players quit the game at this point, causing SE to take the servers offline because the game was no longer profitable. Then 2.4 came along, completely killing Tomestones of Philosophy and phasing out Tomestones of Mythology. Many players returned at this point, because NIN was released, causing SE to take the servers offline because of several unrelated hotfixes.

26. Outdating Gear: One day, the endgame raiders made a plea to SE. "Please let us be more powerful in future raids! This plea was heard, and new gear with better ilvls and stats were added, and the previous gear became more readily available to everyone. "You can't let the filthy casuals wear our old gear!" shrieked the endgame raiders. This issue was compounded by relic weapons. "I've only had the most powerful weapon for one month and now new weapons were added into harder raids outclass our weapons!" screamed the players who ran into the primals and ignored their mechanics and never waited for Protect. Many players quit the game at this point, causing SE to take the servers offline because the game was no longer profitable.

27. That Time the Server Went Down: One day, people were unable to get onto the game. "But it's not maintenance day!" cried the forums. One person said "hey, these idiots may be performing a Distributed Denial of Service attack! That might be why!" Recoiling from heathen logic, roars spread out. "MY $15 EVERY MONTH IS ALL A SERVER NEEDS TO FUNCTION!" The singular player spoke out again, stating "don't you realize that both the US/EU servers, which are located in different datacenters, go down, but the JP servers are still fine?" Quickly retorting, the horde screeched once more. "THAT'S BECAUSE SE ONLY CARES ABOUT JP PLAYERS SO OF COURSE THEY MADE SURE THEY'RE UP!" Many players quit the game at this point, causing SE to take the servers offline because the game was no longer profitable. Except the JP, who continued playing because SE loves them.

28. Paying for Marriage is ABSURD: One day, it was announced that there would be weddings, called Eternal Bonds, in-game for people that pay real life money, but a free option was available too, but with less fancy options. "You are supporting Pay to Win!" said the people who do not like nice things. "Even the free option should be removed as it is the ultimate item for Pay to Win!" cried a small group of people. While some people tried to point out that the free option wasn't bought with real money, they were quickly denied under the belief that everything SE adds will be pay shop only. Many players quit the game at this point, causing SE to take the servers offline because the game will be no longer profitable.

29. Housing Crisis Redux: During a recent Live Letter, a question was asked regarding adding additional furniture space for furniture in larger houses. The reply came with a line that infuriated players: "I feel we’ve filled the demand with the expansion areas, so I’m thinking it’s about time to." While decorators were thrilled, the homeless of Eorzea became incensed. "What do you mean there's enough housing!? I do not own my own personal house yet!" fumed the mob. Lacking the basic knowledge to realize that more people = more demand, these players of high population realms would not be quelled of their fury. "There are still empty wards on my server!" stated some, only to be countered with "Your server only has one player and everyone else is on my server!" Many players quit the game at this point, allowing SE to allocate additional resources to housing servers, which were soon taken offline because it was no longer profitable.

30. No AFK!: Many people like to hang out in preferred destinations, the biggest of which are the Aethyrites and Market Boards of the main cities. Sometimes, people have to go for a few minutes, and a chair icon pops up. Seeing many of these in the main locales, the citizens convulsed with rage. "These afk people are the reason why my quoll can't make a character to play with me! Reinstitute autokick for afk!" twitched from the mouth of high population realms, refusing to acknowledge that other servers exist. The people who turned off their auto-afk flag shrugged as they went back to the forums to laugh. Many players were unable to quit the game, because they never managed to actually start playing.

31. Dye for Our Colors: a short time after the patch notes for 2.45 were posted, one thing caught the attention of the masses. "Why are you making us pay for something we NEED in the game?" Despite the gaudiness of the colors that would make your grandma's wardrobe go "damn that's gaudy," the playerbase was up in arms. "You promised no pay to win!" screeched the forum. "Look at all those people in metallic red! THEY RUN FASTER THAN A FERRARI! I bet they insta-kill T13!" Many players quit the game at this point, causing SE to take the servers offline because the game will be no longer profitable.

32. Eternal Bond Redux: RMT Edition: After the initial drama over paying real money for Eternal Bond subsided (because there was no one left to complain as the servers were taken offline), another furor happened. "You made these rings tradable! Clearly they support RMT!" whined the people who said they believed cash shop items should be available for gil. "It is untraditional for someone to propose to the other, make them each buy their own ring like they should be!" While SE publically stated that they would make them untradable if too many people used them just to make gil, the damage had already been done. Many players quit the game at this point, causing SE to take the servers offline because the game will be no longer profitable.

33. Selling In-Game Content Clears for Gil: As the endgame playerbase became more and more powerful through their new gears, some of them realized that they needed little in the way of new pieces, and realized they could make in-game money off of bad and/or lazy players by selling clears and gears. Less priviledged players exploded at this. "These groups support RMT!" screamed these players, not realizing that the supporters may have been the buyers, and the clear sellers had no part in that, or that some people have earned their millions completely legit. As SE banned all the people with "blood gil," a large amount of the endgame community faded. Guides were no longer made, leaving people to figure it out themselves. Many players quit the game at this point, causing SE to take the servers offline because the game will be no longer profitable.

34. PSN is Down, Thanks SE!: One day, our good friends, the DDoS asshats, decided that kids needed to cry on Christmas, and DDoSed the services of PSN and XBL. While only people with poor tastes in games were affected by the XBL outage, many people that did have a good choice in games became lipid. "Fix the servers!" they demanded of SE, "you need to make sure your game is working!" Other inputs were given as well, such as to remove the PSN requirement that SE had gotten as mandated by Sony in exchange for not requiring PSN+ membership. Many players quit the game at this point, causing Sony to give yet another apology, but SE had to take the servers offline because the game was no longer profitable.

35. It's Just a Jump to the Left: In the early days of Final Fantasy XIV, players walked everywhere on foot. The dangers presented in the wilds we treacherous, as we tried to avoid hungry monsters, ravenous beastmen, and waist-high fences. To traverse the world, players had to find paths around various objects, which was a mild inconvenience. "Please give us the ability to jump!" the players beseeched SE. And thus, SE announced that jumping would be added, but the loudest groups protested. "I don't want to sit in town and watch people spam jump!" cried the people who sit in town and look pretty. "Jumping is just another way for cheaters to exploit to get into blocked areas!" cried another. "There has never been jumping in a Final Fantasy game!" bellowed the people who skipped the FFXIII set. "DRG CONFIRMED" said the pre-1.21 lancers. Many players quit the game at this point, causing SE to take the servers offline because the game will be no longer profitable.

36. In Mother Ishgard, Class Fails You!: Since the dawn of Eorzea, every adventurer had to pick a class, such as gladiator, pugilist, and marauder. In the advent of 1.21, jobs were announced, basically to allow a class to get more powerful. Some people assumed that this was the start of removing classes for 2.0, but nothing changed with that. During the announcements for new jobs in 3.0, it was told that these three jobs would not have a starting class associated with them. This began a hostile dispute between people who are fine with the system and the people that didn't believe MRD could do more damage than WAR in SCoB. "The class system is pointless! Just make us start with jobs!" chanted the horde of players who can't think of benefits to classes. "But it will break lore!" cried the people who do more research on tiny tidbits of info than this poster does for these entries. "I like playing with classes as I'm not limited to 2-3 jobs worth of cross-class skills!" bellowed the final group, who somehow forgot to put their soul stone on in endgame fights and somehow convinced seven other people to roll with it. Due to the conflict of those who loved the class system and those that hated it, SE was unable to settle the dispute and many players quit the game at this point, causing SE to take the servers offline because the game was no longer profitable.

37. Hunts, 2.5 Edition: Hunts were all the rage during 2.3. "We can gear up quickly to get into newer content!" exclaimed the peasantry, and the nobles glowered intensely at the system for making it "too easy to gear up" as they whined because didn't pull at a non-arbitrary time, and the PS3 players continued to silently cry as people kept insisting they do hunts. During the era of 2.4, the playerbase slowly moved away from hunts, as the best gear wasn't available through it anymore. With the release of 2.5, and the addition of upgrade items for ironworks gear to the purchase list and more allied seals rewarded, the people who all but abandoned the system came back, but they were unhappy. "Increase the HP of the hunts!" bellowed the citizens as they tried to get there, followed by "ban the people who pull hunts too early!" from the Dreadwyrm geared players. "I shouldn't have spent all those allied seals in 2.4..." sniffled the PS3 players. Many players quit the game at this point, causing SE to take the servers offline because the game will be no longer profitable.

38. Eyebrows, now!: With Highlander Hyurs being very nice looking, and debatably the best looking of the strong looking characters, some players found one thing wrong with that perfectly chiseled body. "We want eyebrows!" bellowed those sexy beasts. SE addressed this at Fanfest by stating that they shave them off as a fighting group, but players were having none of this. "Our lack of eyebrows makes our oiled bodies look naked!" Many sexy beasts quit the game at this point, causing SE to take the servers offline because the game will be no longer profitable.

39. Not Having a Gay Old Time: After many years of believing only a man and a woman could be a couple, SE realized that sometimes, boys like boys, and girls like girls, and it shouldn't be considered forbidden love, and have even embraced the idea, allowing same-sex couples to be Eternally Bonded, and even adding NPCs that were just right out with their feelings for a same sex person. But this didn't matter when a particular love-based holiday came about. As House Valentione worked to spread the love across Eorzea, adventurers were outraged that they seemed to only show straight partners in the questline. "Change these quests right now and quit shoving your straightness in our faces!" cried some people that have no idea that they just said something that straight people would say in reverse to them. "It's just a minor quest that won't be around more than a couple weeks, why bother with the rewriting for that short time?" questioned others, with many same-sex couples even being against the guy who was offended at the lack of homosexuality in that single minor questline. Many players quit the game at this point, causing SE to take the servers offline because the game will be no longer profitable.

40. Sir Mix-a-Lot is Disappointed: During the era of Legacy, players were astounded that they had many, many options for character making. While some were removed during the transition to 2.0, there was one particular thing removed that Miqo'te everywhere were outraged out. "Give us back our butt slider!" they demanded. Some of the male playerbase also joined this bandwagon, stating that when a girl walks in with an itty bitty waist, and a round thing in your face, we get sprung." Other players didn't care, as they realized Miqo'te were the most beautiful race in the game and should be worshipped despite their assets. SE proceeded to state that addition of a butt slider would require too many twerks and they had bigger things to work on, but the catgirls continued to request it. Many players quit the game at this point, causing SE to take the servers offline because the game will be no longer profitable.

41. I Just Need One More Hit, Balmang!: One day, SE realized that at different points in the day, people would be logging in at an alarming rate. In order to ease the burden to the login servers, every server does a check at specific hours to see what is being hammered the most, and closes them to new characters for a bit of time. While there are other servers that are frequently closed, one started to become very prominent in their requests. "Please open Balmung! I need more characters!" cried the RPers, despite somehow making 20 characters there already. People from other servers just shook their heads, wondering exactly why Balmung was so popular to be the only server anyone complained about. "It's the main RP server!" they stated, some of them having come from a previous "RP server." The truth eventually became unveiled as people reported "cybersex." Then everyone wanted to get a piece of that Balmung. Many players switched servers at this point, causing SE to take every server except Balmung offline so that they could make all of the servers be Balmung.

42. The game is too hard! Quit making it easy!: One day, someone was looking at the Coil of Bahamut and sighing that they would never get to experience it because every DF party has at least three people who can't avoid divebombs. This fellow decided that Youtube was not the answer to seeing the storyline that's built into the game. They suggested that a story mode version of the raid be created, with an easier time clearing and no loot to make it fair, but the overgeared elitists bellowed out their warcrys. "We have earned our right to skip the stupid cutscenes that happen! If you want to actually see them, lrn2play or go to Youtube! It would be better if there was no story in OUR raids!" The arguments against both sides of the discussion were fierce, with the casual scene wondering why the hardcore team even played a Final Fantasy game, and the rebuttals of "go play Candy Crush n00bs, MMOs are for serious gamers." Catering to either side of the discussion was impossible for SE, and many players quit the game at this point, causing them to take the servers offline because the game will be no longer profitable.

43: The Fall of the Ishgard Wall: With the Heavensward expansion, it was decided that only players that had finished all main storyline through the 2.55 patch could access the new lands. This was decided due to two variables, that it makes sense story-wise, and that it keeps gilsellers out of the new areas so they can't ruin the prices of new gathering items. But the people who only wanted endgame didn't want this. "I hate having to wait on my friends to level up so we can do Alexander right away!" bellowed the endgamers, not realizing that their friend still needs to hit level 60 first, and that with the change of exp given by adding exp to level 50 MSQ was more than likely a boon so that the later player might actually get a bit ahead towards 51 and beyond. Due to SE's decision to keep the gate, no one bought Heavensward, and many servers were shut down to absorb the loss. Many players quit when they were 5000 in the server queue, causing SE to take the remaining servers offline as it was no longer profitable.

44. Boost to the Max!: One day, people were curious as to why their Cheerios sat with a yellow liquid in the same bowl. His Excellency Lord King God Emperor Yoshi-P, Esquire made an off-handed comment about considering a level jump potion! Players grabbed a bottle of ragehol to state their beliefs. "People should play this game uphill in the snow both ways!" declared the people who joined in 2.0. The 1.0 players facepalmed. "Look! It's already in the Chinese Cash Shop, they're obviously our guinea pigs" cried out the people who forget that there are government-mandated fatigue systems in place among other limitations. With no actual verification of them being added, many players quit the game at this point, causing SE to take the servers offline because the game will be no longer profitable.

45. Region Exclusive Items: China is a bit strict in their internet usage, even with games. You can't do certain things there that are normal for us. Because of this, some new things were added to their version to make up for what they lost. Eventually someone found out that they had stuff we didn't, and rallied a mob. "Give us the pretty stuff!" they cried. "We need the far eastern matriarch set!" said the female characters who felt they needed to look pregnant. Despite the fact that many people want all of the Chinese cash shop available and demand it never to be fully realized over here both, many players quit the game at this point, causing SE to take the servers offline because the game will be no longer profitable.

46. Pet vs Pet: A glorious Feast awaited those that harvested their enemies! Every season, a new Feast would begin, and prizes rewarded to the most bloodthirsty players. In the third season, one of the rewards shocked those who didn't want to participate in killing their fellow players! A tiny Fenrir, stained in the blood of the Feast, was put up as a reward. But worse than that, only 20 players per data server would have this adorable pup! "But I want to catch 'em all!" cried the playerbase, red and white balls in hand. "Let the PvPers have something unique to them!" roared the savages. Many players quit the game at this point, causing SE to take the servers offline because the game will be no longer profitable.

47. Pet vs Pet, Pt. 2: SE noticed a sharp decline in their active subscriptions after people took issue with a rare, PvP only pet. Attempting to salvage and regain subscriptions, they announced "lol jk, we gunna give it to u in 3.5 but Feast people get it early." As always, uproar happened. "Seriously? Just going to screw over dedicated PvPers by bowing to stupid demands?" complained the PvPers, who really should be happy that scrublord PvE players aren't messing up their win trades. A tiny amount of players quit the game at this point, because how many actually competitive PvPers actually play, causing SE to shrug their shoulders and go "close enough."

48. Xed BY A MENTOR: From the dawn of time, the human race learned by doing things. This knowledge would be passed down through the ages, making the future population have an easier existence. SE knew this fact, and thought "why don't we just have experienced players teach the newer players what to do?" As such, the mentor system was developed! People initially enjoyed the mentor program, mostly because they'd get a prize after 2000 mentor roulettes. But then new players actually started to seek guidance from the mentors. This infuriated the mentors, who would promptly initiate a vote kick because "hit it till it dies" is rarely the actual strategy for fights and they didn't want to waste time explaining. Players then came to the forums, complaining that mentors stole their dogs, killed their parents, wore white after Labor Day, and kicked them from duties. As the forums became dedicated to mentor abuse, many players quit the game at this point, causing SE to take the servers offline as it was no longer profitable.

49. Diadamn, Gurl: One day, a new addition was added to the game, the Diadem! A very popular place in its release patch, players were surprised that they could obtain gear that was equivalent or better than the current raid gear! The forums were flooded by special snowflakes because the only power level of gear they wear is maximum. Many players quit the game at this point, causing SE to make the next update's gear better than Diadem gear. Many players quit the Diadem at this point, causing SE to take the server offline because it was no longer useful. Promises were made of improvements to the Diadem before it would be put back in. In patch 3.55b, players were surprised that they could obtain gear that was equivalent or better than the current raid gear! The forums were flooded by special snowflakes because the only power level gear they wear is maximum. Many players quit the game at this point, causing SE to take the servers offline as it was no longer profitable.

So as you can see, there has been no Final Fantasy XIV in some time. I believe people have been making up stuff after 1...what? Are you sure?

It has been reported to me that the servers were never taken offline except for the switch from 1.0 to 2.0, and the game had boasted two million players back in April!

Everyone says you should vote with your wallet, yet how many people quit permanetly after each change? I'm actually curious on these stats. I saw one person post that "the majority" of people attending a new announcements panel represented the endgame playerbase, and booed at the announcement of the SCoB change at the Live Letter in Vegas. Will those people quit over it? I would like to know.

So unrustle your jimmies, kick back, and just ignore the thing you want to have stopped. Everyone has some piece of content they hate, but many are fine with a lot of other things in the game.

For those who read two of these entries and decided everything I wrote isn't how it happened and then tell me why I'm wrong, welcome to your first ever bit of satire. This post is to parody the overdramatization that happens with each change. Have a laugh and chill.