Apparently trying to help is being rude

[Bluevann]

I cannot find any nicest way to say this, but I have seen much nicer ways to phrase advice than yours.

The trick to give good advice is to repeat in your head what you intend to type, and ask yourself if that wouldn't offend you, were you in their position.

Wouldn't you be offended being told to change job because you won't do something that you think is wrong (since clearly, they thought your advice was wrong. Not saying it was, but it's what they believed)? I would be offended.

Always try to be in other people's shoes before typing your advice, and you'll walk out with a happy party and lots of commendations. It worked for me last night with a healer in Haukke HM.

The rules of thumb for giving advice, a sort of unwritten etiquette if we want to call it that is:
1: Don't give unasked advice, when what the person is doing is not causing failure. You cannot really compare a slower DPS to a healer who won't cure I or a paladin who won't flash, because those latter two lead to wipes, whereas the first case does only in rare situations such as endurance-based boss fights.

2: Never, ever, ever start the advice with an imperative tone, "you must" or "you should". "You could" or "Would you try and see if that's better?" are more friendly.

3: Most importantly, at the beginning of the advice, ALWAYS ALWAYS start with "<playername>, I hope this won't offend you, but...", or "Please, don't think I'm trying to be an ass, but.." or "Not to be rude, but I think you forgot Shield Oath." etc. Putting a ">_<" in there, as a "please-don't-hurt-me-I-mean-well." gives usually a positive impression too.

(Also, psst... a little secret... "cat grin (=3)" emoticons give a very annoying and irritating tone to the sentence they're put in. They actually pay people to make studies on this kind of stuff; crazy huh?)

[Shiwayari]

Sorry but this doesn't make sense. Why would that be the first thing you say in the dungeon? Clearly his response is to that line anyway so that doesn't matter. Besides, the timestamps give it away...all of those things were said at the same time.

Why does it not make sense? I usually don't go "Hello" in dungeons anymore because I'm lazy. The only thing before that is 2 other people talking I don't remember who anymore. Like you said his response was to that line, so I don't understand why you think it doesn't make sense. (?)

Dude, you were acting like a dick throughout the entire conversation. The whole arguement happened because of your tone. It is entirely on you and you should feel bad.

Thank you, I've felt bad enough about it not run another 20 runs to grind some vanity gear like I planned today. I get my tone might have sounded rude, but from the replies here it seems 95% of the players think this was the worst tone I could have possibly chosen, and to be honest I find this a bit sad. I don't understand why I can't bring the same point across with 4 words instead of 20. Everyone seems to actually want to try interpret what I said in a rude way.

(...)
The trick to give good advice is to repeat in your head what you intend to type, and ask yourself if that wouldn't offend you, were you in their position.

(...)

Hm, a totally agree with you, this is what I always try to do. But sometimes I tend to forgot this, I'm only human and make mistakes too.
But, I think it is human nature to not want to hear something you are doing wrong. I cannot think of any way, any situation, where anyone hearing this "advice", put it as nicely as you will, will not be offended at least on the first impression. But is it not also a goal as a grown adult, fellow player, playing a game, to not take everything so seriously? What might seem rude at first impression, if it helps me be better in the end, I'd say the one giving advice has done a good deed.

The thing about emoticons is new to me.. to me they lighten up the mood of that sentence, without that emote it would seem even worse to me. It was an attempt to not sound so serious.. I guess that didn't work?

(...)
1: Don't give unasked advice, when what the person is doing is not causing failure. You cannot really compare a slower DPS to a healer who won't cure I or a paladin who won't flash, because those latter two lead to wipes, whereas the first case does only in rare situations such as endurance-based boss fights.

2: Never, ever, ever start the advice with an imperative tone, "you must" or "you should". "You could" or "Would you try and see if that's better?" are more friendly.
(...)

I don't agree with 1. at all. The outcome does not justify the way you do it, in my opinion. Take the example you gave, if you put that DPS in the shoes of a healer, and that would cause a wipe, then that is just as much wrong to do as a DPS as it is as a healer. One leads to a wipe, one leads to a longer run which is less noticable, if both do really bad maybe the amount of extra time needed would even be the same, i don't know.
Basically, I would never say to anyone "You aren't doing it right, but because it doesn't have as bad of an effect as it would have on a different job, it is ok."
Also, if a person is already asking for advice, I think the need to give advice is far lower, because they already know they need to do some research. Generally, I think, really needed advice is almost never asked for. If people have to leash out at me for trying to help them, I'd rather be frustrated for a day like this and make one more player play a bit better than be one of the other 10000s of players that don't give even the slightest.. about how good or bad someone else is doing.

2. <- that much I definitely got from this case, now I just need to remember next time.

(Please note this is all thinking about the player is intentionally doing bad, I do not mind players in practice. )

... this char limit is getting on my nerves =/

[Moqi]

I usually don't go "Hello" in dungeons anymore because I'm lazy.

You might wanna start with this then...

Different discussion, but I don't feel it contributes. Some can say "Hello" to me and then be the nicest person I ever met. They can also say "Hello" and then be the worst person I ever met. I doesn't give me even the slightest insight about the other person. The only thing that tells me is that there is a chance they have not yet run their 50000th dungeon run, and have not gotten very tired of saying "Hello" every single time yet.

What it tells you is that they have manners, which is what this whole thread is about. You don't say hello to someone when you meet them, it's rude, there's no other way to say this. And if you're rude at the beginning, I wouldn't be surprised if you were in the middle of the run too.

Make a macro for it (or just drag the one SE already made in your hotbar), use it while the healer casts protect. Same thing at the end for final greetings while people are rolling on loot. It's a 0 effort move and will put everyone in a better mood.