The day I learned I wasn't meant to lead.

[Raxion]

Today I learned I wasn't cut out to lead an FC. Simply put, I invested too much into the people that I brought together, and ended up hurt in the end. If you're a leader of an FC, maybe you can relate. You work hard at bringing people into your FC, and by doing so, learn to appreciate every one of them.

Every time you see that "X leaves the company." message, it hurts. Even if you didn't know the person that long, it still feels like you lost something. Recently I lost a couple of people that I had grown very used to having around, and very fond of. Had I not been the leader of the FC, I have no doubt that their leaving wouldn't have effected me near as much. As a leader, I feel like you learn to appreciate people more than you would otherwise.

When I lost those guys, it just about broke my heart. That's when I realized I didn't have the integrity it takes to lead a group of people. Not because I'm a bad leader, but because I have a hard time letting go of something that I've worked hard at. That even goes for short-lived relationships I've built with people in an MMO. The more effort I put into something, the more I appreciate the end result, and the more it hurts to see it go.

Hats off to those of you that can lead a group of people, take the good with the bad, and keep forging onward. You're made of tougher stuff than I.

[Eye_Gore]

Well the world needs ditch diggers too. Just kidding. Sorry not to bash you, but yeah do not sound like a leader. If what you posted here is true. You're too attached to your people, not a highly regarded feature of a leader, it can be the undoing of your leadership. Not to be insensitive, but its true. I am not a leader of a FC, but in life I am a lead at my work. Have been for almost 20 years now. I have seen many people come and go over the years, but thats life its what happens. One rule about leading a group that may have people leave, make no friends. Do not grow attached to them. You are there to help them progress and answer questions, and show them the way. Also to set an example, lead by example is what I go on.

[Kazza2003]

It's always hard, not just as an FC leader. Everyone who is in a FC or static that he/she likes can relate to that. It's always painful if people leave you thought gonna stay.

[Yamimarik]

/snip.

If that's how you go about life... that must be such a lonely life, even when it's your work life :/

As for the OP, it's not a matter of simply being "stone cold" and "unfeeling" it's finding a perfect balance of caring about others, making friendships, but knowing when to let go if people simply need to move on. There never has been and never will be a "perfect leader", because that would require a human being to be perfect, and that simply is not possible. Humans have emotions, some choose to express theirs more than others, but life comes with good and bad. I'm sorry your FC didn't hold out, but maybe that's a sign not only your FC but you too just simply need to move on. You might not have been ready to lead an FC. Just forge better friendships next time and cherish the time you do have with your friends and allow them to simply be who they are when and if the time comes they need to go else where. If they're your friends, obviously they'll keep in touch.

GL to you and your future en devours here

[Eye_Gore]

If that's how you go about life... that must be such a lonely life, even when it's your work life :/

If that was directed at me, no not at all. Its nothing personal, its just business. Many of the people whom I have come across, are still in contact with me, and even hang out together still. Once one realizes, thats just life. Then you can go about your day with no issues. Must keep clear head, can not let emotions over run you, as it will not change anything, except make you go deeper into that hole. And one cannot lead from the bottom.

[Yamimarik]

If that was directed at me, no not at all. Its nothing personal, its just business. Many of the people whom I have come across, are still in contact with me, and even hang out together still. Once one realizes, thats just life. Then you can go about your day with no issues. Must keep clear head, can not let emotions over run you, as it will not change anything, except make you go deeper into that hole. And one cannot lead from the bottom.

I'm sorry I hope I didn't insult you, because it wasn't meant to be(not that your response implies that.) Just simply put, it sounded rather lonely the first time you explained it. But a little more information and it seems it's not as lonely, from how I view life. That's the wonders of being humans, we all view life in many different ways, not all of which are the wrong way to view it. So sorry if you were by any chance insulted, because that wasn't my aim.

[Austherus]

I wouldn't say you are not meant to be a leader, it just means you care a lot, which isn't a bad thing if you learn how to deal with it.

[Iriadysa]

The moral of the story is simple, really: some people don't get involved at a personal with other people. This is specially true for online communities but happens often in direct contacts.

Just think of the term "real life" and what it implies. If the life outside your online life is the "real" one then by juxtaposition the online life must be "fake". While everyone understands that the people they speak to via online services are real human beings, we have grown with the idea that it's not as real. This perception has bred most of the immature and almost inhumane behavior we can find in online gaming, forums, etc. Coupled with anonymity the disconnect can become so high that some people will simply not even acknowledge the humanity of their interlopers.

Anyways, all this to say that take it as a life lesson. Connecting with people at a personal level is not a weakness nor a mistake, in fact it makes you a better person and exposes you to situations you'd otherwise have no exposure to. Just make sure you can take the blows, because there will be blows.

A leader is not a cold hearted general moving his troops. That's a strategist. A leader is someone that can inspire people to be the best they can be on whatever field and for that you must connect with them personally. A successful leader, however, needs to be able to survive loss.

[Raxion]

Well the world needs ditch diggers too. Just kidding. Sorry not to bash you, but yeah do not sound like a leader. If what you posted here is true. You're too attached to your people, not a highly regarded feature of a leader, it can be the undoing of your leadership. Not to be insensitive, but its true. I am not a leader of a FC, but in life I am a lead at my work. Have been for almost 20 years now. I have seen many people come and go over the years, but thats life its what happens. One rule about leading a group that may have people leave, make no friends. Do not grow attached to them. You are there to help them progress and answer questions, and show them the way. Also to set an example, lead by example is what I go on.

You say your post is insensitive, but it isn't. I get the point your trying to get across. For the most part, though, I have to disagree. Leading a group of people in a social and recreational environment is in a completely different category than leading people at the workplace, I'd say.

The very point of an MMORPG is to meet new people, forge friendships, and accomplish goals together. That's the concept I founded my FC on. When recruiting, I don't just toss out unceremonious invites hoping that someone clicks the "Accept" button. I run about, search for people that lack an FC, and have a chit-chat with them to see if they're even interested in joining an FC at all. Nobody wants to have a random invite shoved in their face. I put in the extra work to let people know I'm not going to just forget about them the moment they join.

[Granyala]

Has nothing to do with your ability to lead, only with your ability to create emotional distance.

When my first WoW guild died years back I was sick for 3 days. I learned back then that it is not a good idea to get THAT invested / attached to a group of people in a fleeting online game.

Don't get my wrong, I still like the people in my guilds/FC and I'm still sad if they decide to leave, but It won't impact me as much as it did back then.
This is just a game, people eventually move on.

If you really like somebody, you can easily stay in touch via social media / Skype.