Hello! Kuronya here. This thread will contain all of the (made up) news stories I've shouted in game.

Today in the news - In what the Immortal Flames are calling the "Final Fantasy II" killings, another man was killed when he jumped in with bathers at the Forgotten Springs and made suggestive gestures. The Flames believe this to be a copy-cat of the original "Final Fantasy" killing in Gridania.

Additionally, a sculpter was arrested in Ul'dah today for breaking the nose off the Sultana's statue. When we questioned the sculpter, he claimed it was due to a pair of riders on a magic carpet flying by that startled him into accidentally chiseling the nose off. The Immortal Flames are requesting any sightings of this magic carpet ride be reported immediately.

And finally, in a recent survey, 6 out of 10 adventurers like to dance in front of the Ultima Weapon while waiting for fellow party members to load.