I stopped using flash or provoke because it seemed to provoke much wrath in other players, even if I was the only tank.

My biggest issue with leaving defiance off is mainly that as an off tank parties get angry if the healer heals me. and with defiance off, my ability to myself is severely limited along with less HP.

then i die form having nearly zero way to recover HP on my own and they tell me i stink and to quit and make fun of me dying.

which is what really hurts.