I understand your miseries OP. There's always a constant battle between doing right and wrong with people in this game.
Somewhat related note: was in a high level roulette the other day and got yelled at for dpsing on my whm when there was no healing to be done, completely put me down for it. Next dungeon I got into I got yelled at for doing the exact opposite; not dpsing enough.
There's just no wining with people. Play how you want and ignore everyone else.