FFXIV Jokes

[Axzeriuth]

Why do tanks like Astrologians so much?
Because they're friends with Benefics.


What brand of clothing do Red Mages wear most?
Versace.

[DiaDeem]

Cape Westwind

[Shibi]

A GNB and a MCH are out adventuring in the Coerthas Highlands when the GNB drops to 1HP and falls to the ground. He doesn’t seem to be breathing and his eyes have rolled back in his head. The MCH grabs his Linkpearl and calls his static's main healer, a WHM. He gasps to her: “Our MT is dead! What can I do?” The WHM, in the most soothing voice she can muster, says: “Stay calm. I can help. First, let’s make sure he’s dead.” There is a silence, then a shot is heard. The MCH comes back on the line. He says: “OK, now what?”

[OhNooo]

A GNB and a MCH are out adventuring in the Coerthas Highlands when the GNB drops to 1HP and falls to the ground. He doesn’t seem to be breathing and his eyes have rolled back in his head. The MCH grabs his Linkpearl and calls his static's main healer, a WHM. He gasps to her: “Our MT is dead! What can I do?” The WHM, in the most soothing voice she can muster, says: “Stay calm. I can help. First, let’s make sure he’s dead.” There is a silence, then a shot is heard. The MCH comes back on the line. He says: “OK, now what?”

Ok this is the best one I've seen take my like lmao

[Escalon]

Why do have Dragoons such spiky and edgy armor ?
.
.
.
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Because when they die, they are at least useful as caltrops.

[TheMightyMollusk]

A dragoon walks into a bar. The rest of the party dodges. The red mage flips out.

[Alleluia]

A dragoon walks into a bar. The rest of the party dodges. The red mage flips out.

The BLM dodges at first, but gets nicked when the bar swings back cus they had their ley lines down and got greedy.

Also, I nominate this for best joke in the thread:

A GNB and a MCH are out adventuring in the Coerthas Highlands when the GNB drops to 1HP and falls to the ground. He doesn’t seem to be breathing and his eyes have rolled back in his head. The MCH grabs his Linkpearl and calls his static's main healer, a WHM. He gasps to her: “Our MT is dead! What can I do?” The WHM, in the most soothing voice she can muster, says: “Stay calm. I can help. First, let’s make sure he’s dead.” There is a silence, then a shot is heard. The MCH comes back on the line. He says: “OK, now what?”

[Vyrerus]

So three Miqote men are standing at the threshold of the Gates of Thal's Realm, and Nald and Thal come with their merchant's balance to weigh their souls. Approaching the group of Miqote they say, "Hey, so, normally we'd weigh your souls, but we're a little full and a touch bored right now. We're going to cut you a nice deal though. One at a time tell us how you died, and the funniest death gets in without needing to be weighed. Weighing souls sometimes takes eons, so what'd ya say?"

One of the Miqote men steps foward and starts his story. "I'm a window washer for the Sultana's Breath apartment complex, and one day I was on my lunch break after finishing up the top floor windows. I'm sitting there on the scaffolding when all of a sudden I feel a hard hit against the back of my head. Next thing I know I'm bobbing up and down, my tail stuck in the scaffolding rope. I thought I might have a chance to make it, but gazing up I see the crazy tenant throwing his icebox down at me. After that I remember falling and blackness."

Nald and Thal chuckle a bit at the mention of the crazed tenant and the icebox, but otherwise frown.

The next Miqote man steps up and starts his tale. "I live with my Miqote wife at the top of the Sultana's Breath apartment complex. I've known for a few moons that she's been cheating on me, so the other day I vowed I'd catch her in the act. Returning from my job early, I spied the son of a gun daring to wash our windows! I grabbed the skillet from the stove top, and hit the bastard on the back of the head, and kicked as hard as I could at the scaffolding. It fell a few yalms, but he was still alive. In my rage I rushed back to the kitchen for something heavy, sure to kill him, and hoisted our icebox to the window. I heaved and ho'd and pushed it out... Too late I notice my tail caught in the door, and so I fell with it.


Nald and Thal stare wide eyed at the man, before looking to each other. Their lips start to curl to smile, but the third Miqote man interrupts, loudly.

"I've been cheating on my wife with a Keeper woman who lives at the top the Sultana's Breath apartment complex. We've never been caught, and I didn't think her husband was onto us, but danged if he didn't come home early the last time we had one another. She quickly ushered me into their icebox to hide, I barely fit, and next thing I knew, I was here!"

[Eriane_Elis]

Not a joke per-se but anytime someone says "ERP" in FF14, I keep thinking Enterprise Resource Planning and at work I think of Erotic Role Play.

[Stohelit]

When you've saved the world alone again, what does Alphinaud say afterwards? We...