why so mean?

[Anapingofness]

@ OP and other new players.

Please, please, please don't be discouraged by the players who choose to be mean/spiteful/verbally abusive.
They are by far a very small but extremely vocal minority of the players in FFXIV. If you do encounter such people, report them for harassment ASAP and blacklist them if you can. Those people deserve to be punished.

I urge you to always let your group know when you are new to a fight or dungeon. You can let them know if you did any research on the dungeon or fight at that point as well. It will do more good than harm as other players will be able to help you out.
Equally as important is to acknowledge when someone gives you a piece of advice. Remember, we cannot read your mind and we do not know if you heard us or if you understand what we're trying to say. Likewise, if you do not want that advice then just respectfully decline it.

It is also discouraging on the side of experienced players when we feel as if our efforts are dismissed because of a lack of communication.

As others have said, try to find a good linkshell or a good free company, one that fits you. Although at least one person from Famfrit seems to have responded to this tread and it has been a good response. ^_^
Personally, I play most of the time on Goblin server. If you ever find yourself on it feel free to add me to your friendlist. I am always willing to help newbie players out. ^^