Sounds like there were annoyances on both sides of the coin, so looks like it balances out. I would say the fact that the Healer waited around while you DC'ed/Spirit bonded balances out the fact they made you wait 3 min at the end. Was it a jerk move? Yes, if they wanted the gear they should have asked. You could have easily left the dungeon and let it drop to them if it was an upgrade for them. But your DC's probably made them wait as long, if not longer so I'd let it go.



Personally, while it does not seem to be the popular opinion to most players. I feel it is always polite to ask (if there are pick ups) if there is anything in particular they are looking for. We will use this scenario as an example:

If the tank has simply asked at the start if there was anything the healer was looking for specifically (seeing they were the odd man out 3 to 1), they could have spoken up or not. If they had said they were looking for tanking gear if it was okay with them, then the tank could say they could go for it, or tell the healer they needed it and sorry. Either way, it would have been clear at the start what was going on and would clear up any misunderstandings.

Now I know some will use the reasoning of "Well if they want it they should have gone in on the job!" But we have to remember endgame content all has different iLevels, and it could be very possible that someones secondary job does not have the proper iLevel to enter said instances and they are picking up gear to raise it as they get the chance or people are kind enough to let them roll on it. We can't assume one way or another, but someones need should trump someones greed/glamour in my opinion.

In the end, having a bit of common courtesy and simply asking really quick could go a long way towards stopping a lot of misunderstandings within DF before they even start. But it seems that many like rushing though content, snapping at people for watching CS's, or rage quitting because they didn't get what they want, more so than working together for a common goal.