so i did a work around using 4 (!!!!!!) hotbars and 4 (!!!!) macros to achive what could be an easy drop down menu selection. for all thoes SMN out there that are struggling here is my solution meanwhile ( hopefully the devs will listen and make pet hotbar left and pet hotbar right a selection on the extended cross hotbar)
-the setup
1a. go to character settings > crossbar and enable extended crossbars ( i have L2->R2 = left crossbar #3 and R2 ->L2 = right crossbar #3 )
1b. on crossbar setting enable custumization (weapon drawn and sheath) and enable only the bars with NON PET ACTIONS (ie ruin bane...) i have #1 and #2 only, this will hide the rest of the bars so you can quick toggle using R1 between 2 sets of crossbars only.
-The Bars
2a. SET crossbar 6 left(L2) with summon (Garuda) abilities lvl.1 to lvl.40 and crossbar 6 right (R2) with all pet commands, ie. stay follow obey sic..ect, all BUT away ( explained later why not away) this will leave you with 1 empty slot we will reserve for a macro

.
2b. repeat step 1 with summon II (titan) abilities and petcommands this time on crossbar 7.
2c. repeat step 1 with summon III (ifrit) abilities and pet command this time on crossbar 8.
-The macros
3a. Egi Away macro :
/pac "Away" <me>
/chotbar remove 3 all
^this macro dismisses your egi and clears all abilities from crossbar 3 ( for thoes with OCD that want stuff done right

)
3b. place the away macro on the empty slots we left on crossbars 6,7,8.
3c. Garuda egi macro;
/ac "Summon" <me>
/chotbar copy SMN 6 SMN 3
^this will summon Garuda and put all abilities from crossbar 6 into crossbar 3
3d. Titan egi macro;
/ac "Summon II" <me>
/chotbar copy SMN 7 SMN 3
^this will summon Titan and put all abilities from crossbar 7 into crossbar 3
3e. Ifrit egi macro;
/ac "Summon III" <me>
/chotbar copy SMN 8 SMN 3
^this will summon Ifrit and put all abilities from crossbar 8 into crossbar 3
3f. put your summoning macros on crossbar 1 or 2.
extras
ps4 has very limited macro icons on the macro tab, but you can use the command /micon "action name" to set a macro icon with one of the action icons on your action list. so /micon "Summon" will set the icon to the little blue carbuncle and /micon "summon II" will set the yellow carbuncle icon. now if you are like me and think hey why have a carbuncle for titan or garuda and a ifrit for ifrit.. this is not consistent AHHHH im freaking out!.. i recommend using the element crystal icons provided on the macro editor. green for garuda, yellow for titan and red for ifrit. makes sense lore wise too, since you need crystals to summon the primals .
i hope this helps you all smn out there. and hopefully SE can see the struggle is real and simplify all this madness with the simple addition of 1 option on a drop down menu.