new tank here, some questions

[h0tNstilettos]

So I recently decided to level another of my low level classes and decided to try leveling a tank role. My gladiator is currently level 22, and up until now I never had any issues tanking. I started running with some FC friends since they had some low levels to level, except one of them was a black mage using his level 30 something black mage to help. I cannot seem to get hate from him. I secure hate fine for a bit, but eventually the enemy being focused by dps will aggro him. I'll try to get hate back but only succeed 25% of the time. I try everything to get that mob back and it doesn't work most of the time. Ignores shield lob, flashes, savage blade combos, everything no many how many I spam. One of my paladin tank friends at i100 who is really good at his job told me that wasn't my fault since it sounded like I wasn't doing anything wrong, and that the black mage should of loosened up on the offensive so I could get hate back.

I open with Shield Lob, then follow up with 2 Flashes when mobs are around me, then proceed to my Savage Blade combo while cycling to make sure the other enemies get Savage Blade to increase enmity (no Rage of Halone yet until 26). I also throw in another Flash every 2 combo cycles. I use Fight or Flight at start of pull and when it's up. I only use the defense ones when it seems they are needed, like if I'm taking enough damage to where healer has to burn through MP with intense healing or harder hitting enemies and always on bosses, which so far hasn't been needed much on weaker mobs because my gear is up to date. I do use Riot Blade combo on occasion, but only when I need MP. I use Shield Bash to stun certain moves. I also have warrior's Blood for Blood (or Bloodbath, forgot the name) as a cross class skill. I asked my tank friend if maybe me putting all points into vitality so far could of been why, and told him I heard it's better to put everything into vitality earlier levels, then strength later on. He said that wasn't the issue because even though strength improves ability to draw enmity, it isn't significant enough to make a difference in the situation I was describing without a lot of strength.

So I just wanted to ask on forums to see if anyone thought different from what one of my tank friends told me. Is it true that a black mage that doesn't let up can sometimes make it impossible to get hate back? I mean I'm not new to the game (since beta) and I know it's easy for black mages to draw aggro, but I've always seen tanks get the aggro back. Maybe they only got it back because the black mage let up and I just didn't notice that since I'm not focused on what black mage is doing when I'm the other dps. I had no problem getting hate back from a THM, but this was my first time running with a higher leveled black mage and it was like this for the 2 or 3 dungeons we did. Also any advice on where to put my stats? So far all vitality, but I read somewhere that there was an ideal number for strength at current endgame, and everything else should go into vitality.