Objectophilia!

Inanimate objects Yoshi-P. Why does my marriage partner have to have a pulse? Beef jerky will never betray me. Pink subligar won't abandon me and lay claim to half of everything I own. You get to marry a cat; why can't I marry Petrified Lumber? My mailbox is there whenever I need it; everyone else only logs in once a week for raids. How does that keep me warm in the middle of the night?