I don't understand...

[Foo01]

... You keep talking about everything being a collective effort, yet you insist that advice should not be given unless asked for, and that means having people adjust themselves to work around the poorest player (which was clearly the case in this situation). ....

People have to adjust because the better players can adjust and the ones that are inexperienced can't do what they don't know, otherwise known as pushing a string. Sorry those are the breaks.

An obviously the so-called polite advice was not well received. Sometimes what needs to happen, and I what I've done as healer in this case is to eat the mob and die before the tank even while healing the tank. When I die, the tank invariably will die a little later. This is wake up call to him. So at that point you request help to keep the mob off of you because you have died. The tank for his own best interest naturally will, and all you need to do is bring that mob to him. See you are not telling him what to do, but letting the situation point him to the direction it must go. The troll tank in this situation will keep letting you die and letting the party wipe, and it will be real obvious to the group who the troll is and vote kick the troll.

The wipe is also a tool for helping the party work together better.

The whole "work around that player" argument strikes me as completely ridiculous since everything we ever do in this game is working around other players. It's when a player is unworkable that we have issues.

The only type player that is unworkable is the troll because they deliberately want to work against your objective. "Working around" happens at various level and it is just a matter of degrees. It is not ridiculous, but there is no two ways about this, some have more experience, some have better gear etc. It is never 100% equal at any given time. And actually the more you push yourself, the more you will find that others are not keeping up, so more working around to a greater degree. That is a necessary fact of improving faster than other players or simply playing more.