I'll honestly say I liked it. I'd recommend that when the words "The seventh umbral era is nigh" you then go into more dark scenes instead of Gridania cutscenes.
The moogle doesn't match up with the sense of insecurity that those words bring. You could include images such as the dragon from the opening CS (Though you might not want to do this as it seems you're sticking strictly to in game cutscenes). I think the best part would be to include the scene from the R46 mission. Don't show too much of it, but just the part with the fog and you can't tell if the figure walking through it is dead or alive yet. That would match up very well with the phrase "The seventh umbral era is nigh"... you could include the scene with the Ascian from the cutscene just prior to the ifrit quest. All in all just darker scenes to accompany those words. Just ideas.
You did excellent on the "age of peace comes to an end". Images of the parade and the lasting image of F'lhaminn presenting a flower really coincide with the words nicely. The "the empire begins its march" is also accompanied by good visual material.