Being Gendered Correctly

[reality_check]

People bitching about a virtual game do not deserve any compassion imho.
It's totally a 1st world problem.

Being at odds with society's norms and expectations of gender is far from a "first world problem," even when it's manifested in a virtual world behind a computer screen. I'm sorry you feel this way.

[Melithea]

I just take a page out of the Sylphs' book and call everybody "that one".

[whiskeybravo]

#1 rule of the internet - assume everyone is a guy until proven otherwise. I know a lot of guys that roll female characters and they are always getting free stuff, and people are generally nicer to them as well, which is pretty comical.

Shouldn't take it personally...

[Themis]

#1 rule of the internet - assume everyone is a guy until proven otherwise. I know a lot of guys that roll female characters and they are always getting free stuff, and people are generally nicer to them as well, which is pretty comical.

Shouldn't take it personally...

Or, in the case of my other half, assume everyone is a girl (even when she knows they're a guy).

There's also another side to this whole discussion:

What about those of us who identify as being of the other gender, or not having one at all? Example: a guy who identifies themselves as female, and prefers to be called "she", but still wants to play a male character... how do we suddenly know this and correctly gender a person?

The answer is, we can't.

@OP: Correctly gendering a player, by assuming they are the same gender as their character, is not always going to result in correctly gendering a player. If it bothers you, you have to inform the other players who are (more often than not) innocently just applying a generic case.

[Souljacker]

#1 rule of the internet - assume everyone is a guy until proven otherwise. I know a lot of guys that roll female characters and they are always getting free stuff, and people are generally nicer to them as well, which is pretty comical.

Shouldn't take it personally...

Isn't this kind of thinking antiquated? I can't tell you how many times I have been in a party where someone has been corrected, or how many times I have been corrected when I have made a mistake. In addition - in my decade and a half or so of mmo gaming, I've seen this happen exactly one time. One guy, pretending to be a girl, who took advantage of people. Does it happen? Yep. But I doubt very highly it happens with the frequency you are implying.

I think that trans folks may be more sensitive to it than cis folks are - but I completely understand what the op is saying. Her character is female. Her name is feminine. And believe me, you have a much lower chance of offending someone who playing a female character with a female name by using the feminine pronoun than by using the masculine one. And if it IS someone who identifies as the male gender on the other side of the screen, he will say nah, I'm a dude, I just really dig this Mi'quote's backside - or something equally ridiculous. The point being - he knew when he rolled a female character there was a chance he'd be called she once in a while.

Guys, get used to it. There are more females playing games than EVER before, and they aren't all just "someone's girlfriend". I happen to be female as well, though I realize that I probably should have used the feminine form of the word hero in my character name. Still, because of this I tend to not address it most of the time when I am misgendered - but I'd still like to see things evolve a bit. It's not just you guys anymore.

[whiskeybravo]

Or, in the case of my other half, assume everyone is a girl (even when she knows they're a guy).

There's also another side to this whole discussion:

What about those of us who identify as being of the other gender, or not having one at all? Example: a guy who identifies themselves as female, and prefers to be called "she", but still wants to play a male character... how do we suddenly know this and correctly gender a person?

The answer is, we can't.

@OP: Correctly gendering a player, by assuming they are the same gender as their character, is not always going to result in correctly gendering a player. If it bothers you, you have to inform the other players who are (more often than not) innocently just applying a generic case.

All I'm saying is 99% of the time it's an innocent assumption that shouldn't be taken offensively. It's really up to the person "taking offense" to deal with it, as it's a little unreasonable to expect thousands or millions of people to correctly guess someones gender in an online video game without being able to see them or hear their voice..

[Souljacker]

All I'm saying is 99% of the time it's an innocent assumption that shouldn't be taken offensively. It's really up to the person "taking offense" to deal with it, as it's a little unreasonable to expect thousands or millions of people to correctly guess someones gender in an online video game without being able to see them or hear their voice..

I'd agree if it was ambiguous. In the case of the OP, we are talking about a female character, with a female name. Is it really that far a stretch to just call that character a "she"? If the name was something a little more neutral I'd agree every time. All she is saying is if you see someone named Jennifer, go ahead and use the pronoun you'd use if you met someone named Jennifer in real life.

Problem with doing that is Jennifer is male, and does not want you calling him female. I think it's to much work. No matter what you say someone can take offense. At the end of the day it's just not worth all the stress over a pronoun used on the internet. If you know them personally then correcting close friends ect is no problem. But to correct every random? No thank you.

Guess I hit my ten post limit, but I still wish to address this comment.

If a man makes a female character and names her Jennifer, he's going to expect that his character may be misgendered. You then use the correct pronoun after he informs you of his preference. But to say that using the accepted feminine pronoun when confronted with a person named Jennifer is "too much work" - that's an absurd statement. There is just nothing about that statement that even remotely makes sense.

[TeaTimeBear]

I'd agree if it was ambiguous. In the case of the OP, we are talking about a female character, with a female name. Is it really that far a stretch to just call that character a "she"? If the name was something a little more neutral I'd agree every time. All she is saying is if you see someone named Jennifer, go ahead and use the pronoun you'd use if you met someone named Jennifer in real life.

Problem with doing that is Jennifer is male, and does not want you calling him female. I think it's to much work. No matter what you say someone can take offense. At the end of the day it's just not worth all the stress over a pronoun used on the internet. If you know them personally then correcting close friends ect is no problem. But to correct every random? No thank you.

[Assirra]

I'd agree if it was ambiguous. In the case of the OP, we are talking about a female character, with a female name. Is it really that far a stretch to just call that character a "she"? If the name was something a little more neutral I'd agree every time. All she is saying is if you see someone named Jennifer, go ahead and use the pronoun you'd use if you met someone named Jennifer in real life.

Sorry but what? your sense of logic flies all over the place on this one.
You seriously think a male player will name his female character "Bob" to make sure there are no mistakes in gender confusion?
I tend to play female chars cause i prefer them as a casters and never once crossed my mind of naming a female char a male name. That would be so retarded to see in game.

[TeaTimeBear]

Guess I hit my ten post limit, but I still wish to address this comment.

If a man makes a female character and names her Jennifer, he's going to expect that his character may be misgendered. You then use the correct pronoun after he informs you of his preference. But to say that using the accepted feminine pronoun when confronted with a person named Jennifer is "too much work" - that's an absurd statement. There is just nothing about that statement that even remotely makes sense.

But it's not, you cannot expect everyone to think as you do. There are so many different types of people who play this game. None of which for the most part misgender purposely. To me it's to much work to correct everyone about my gender. All I want to do is kill things and learn about the lore of eorzea. OP is fighting an up hill battle and a losing one at that.