Not sure where to start gearing.

[Legionius]

I'm going to hit my first lvl 50 on PLD this evening, and I'm honestly quite scared of what appear to be the general behaviour in endgame

It's only about half the time at most and it's always about gear. It's generally not all 3 people, though that has happened. Since it's about gear it is possible, though frustrating, to get past. I don't want to crush anyone else's fun. You just have to be prepared for the dick move out of left field every now and then. You may never even have it happen if you have good luck with gear early on.

I manged to get into Crystal Tower this morning on my War after 40 minutes. It was fun as hell and very laid back. Oddly of the 24 people there only I was new(damn you mapping achievement.) The other tank in my group of the alliance was very helpful. Most people are either silent or complaining but, there occasionally are people who go out of their way to help and it makes it much more bearable.

Anyway for every two negative people and four silent people there is that one nice person who makes up for a lot of it without even knowing how much a little kind help is needed.

I've been though this in every MMO I've ever played to some degree but, this one has a structure that helps create a hostile environment for new players. People want speed runs because of the not hidden at all grind, listed Ilvl requirements are completely unreliable and the gap from new 50 to holding your own with geared players can seem very big at times.

I need to find a FC that isn't dead or dying. Most of the lively ones don't need to recruit so it's hard to figure out which ones are worth some time. That would probably cut it down significantly.