One thing you can try is changing how you respond. Right now you're taking everyone seriously. Instead only take people seriously who are helpful and have good attitudes.

If someone rages (at you or anyone really) about gear or just in general because they're unpleasant, tell them to stop. If they don't, kick them. If they don't get kicked, leave.

Even if you take a time penalty, it's worth it. If you don't tolerate rude people and won't associate with them, then you'll have a better gaming experience.

And yes DF can be a different experience pre 50 and 50. People who are still leveling up (and not alts) are still having fun just seeing the content. Some people at 50 want their tomes as fast as possible. They yell at anything they think is slowing them down (even when they're wrong). Don't tank for people like that.