hahahah nice story !!

If you would like some tips for the pictures:

Image 3: Caesar could have the /worry face, not just idle.
Same way, Noctis could have a /grin on Image 2.
Image 7 (last one) could use an /examineself.
And finally, don't ever turn the chat bubbles on weird angles, keep them horizontal, even if they cover some of the characters, just try to be as little as possible and never cover their faces. Also, chat bubbles are usually read from top to bottom, from left to right. No need to enumerate them.

I understand, this might have been your first time trying something like this. But honestly, I would like to see more FFXIV stories and comics... and if you are indeed planning for more, I hope you would like to do better pictures next time. So I'm just trying to help.