Ah, so this is why my post in Bug Reports got deleted without notice. And yes, I get the same duo errors 4-5 times a day until sometime around midnight and then it all goes bonkers for the next 8 hours.

Thanks SE for not even telling me my post was deleted, why, or where I can find a similar topic. If I didn't stumble upon this one I would've felt like a very unsatisfied and ignored customer and would've promptly slammed the Cancel Subscription button.