Quarn -- first time I felt the same way.

One thing that's helped alot on the first boss fight (since the DPS almost always seem to fail at killing adds quickly in most pugs) is to just keep stoneskin up on the tank as much as possible. Even if the tank eats a final sting, stoneskin will usually keep him alive with enough health to survive until the next heal/regen tick hits. Once I see the wasps pop/start being killed, I put a stoneskin and a regen on the tank just in case.

You need to remember that sometimes the tank dying is their own fault! I had a tank rage at me for dying...when he ate a DOOM!