I'm confused as to why if you are so dead set against playing a female character, you'd use Fantasia, "Play around" with the Character Creator making Female characters when you know full well you don't and won't ever play a female character.

Your behaviour in itself is quite contradictory, then you play the "Feel sorry for me card" over and over. I'm sorry but that don't fly, life sucks, everyone knows this, and everyone has their own hang-ups to deal with I'm afraid. Your's as awful as they may be do not put you infront of anybody else I'm afraid.