How Can I Make my Fairy act like it USED to? :-(

[Artair]

maybe it's just my impression, but steady (that is basically the same as companion's "healing stance") makes your pet focus on heals at higher HP %, and also do Embrace without you ordering it (in Obey it does nothing, right? not even Embrace)

Obey = fairy auto casts embrace + you have full manual control.
Steady (after first summoning) = fairy auto casts embrace, but you have no control over her at all.
Steady (after obey/sic) = same as Obey

I had
/pac Obey <t>
/pac Obey <tt>
/pac Obey <focus>

before too
but then i noticed that if i happen to use it on the wrong target then it becomes all messed up.

That uses obey on your current target, if it is an acceptable target, if not it will try your targets target, and if neither of those find a viable target, it will try for your focus target. Generally, if an enemy is not found in 1 of those 3 instances, then there are no enemies nearby or you are out of combat.

having only /pac Obey <t> gives me way more control over it.

and /wait 1 is too long. 0.5 is enough

Having only <t> means you have to switch to a mob to gain manual control, instead of keeping the tank(s) targeted.
0.5 is fine sure. The only time I heel her is when everything is dead and we are moving to next area, so 1 sec isn't a big deal.