The ideal situation is to have them wait a second or two before they pop their BIG RED NUMBER cooldowns.

But in all honestly, it's incredibly rare that any DPS pull hate from me these days.
If you're similarly-geared then you can generally hold hate from even the most Derpy and uncooperative DPS.
You just need to always be the first one to a mob and anticipate what each DPS in your party is going to do (Big AoE, Big ST DPS, randomly attack targets regardless of marking, etc etc).

It's about generating hate as fast as possible on the mobs that the DDs are likely to be attacking.

The only times it gets hairy is when you have two ST DDs going all-out on different mobs (if you are marking them, then this is the DD's fault. Feel free to let the idiot that's attacking mob #2 or #3 tank it) or a ST DD going all-out on one mob and an AoE DD going all-out on all mobs (Usually this is handleable by regular use of Flash, but in extreme cases you can stun/holmgang the ST DPS's Target. It's better to have one mob peel away than lose hate on the rest!)

Oh, and if the BLM decides to Double-Flare, you can at least provoke one mob off them and stun another. If they whinge about the rest, tell them to Manawall faster