There's minmaxing in basically every game. It's fun for some people, it isn't for others, and for some it can even be fun in some and not fun in others!

Those BiS discussions are there and you are free to take part in them or ignore them. They are absolutely not meant to personally offend anyone - that's a job for the players, not for a list based on theorycrafting + practical testing.

It shouldn't hurt anyone. If you want to do Coil but are strict on "looking good" before vanity, do it with a group with the same mindset. It's not nuclear physics.

Why would a minmaxer want to join a 7/8 casual/middlecore group who are there mainly for fun-and-an-occasional-loot and force everyone to do BiS just because he does?
Why would a "casual" want to join a 7/8 hardcore-progression-noscope-cornshot minmax group and yet feel bad after he's called on his lack of responsability?