There is no excuse to abuse any player. I am sure dps can do all they can to minimize agro but... Quelling sometimes isn't enuff too long cool down. So u want me to wait to hit and then aoe no don't aoe but u have to kill this fast but stop using flare but kill it fast but slow ur roll. It is like playing with a split personality disorder. It's a two way street with courtesy. How about up front at start of instance you talk about ur objectives and what u can reasonably do and what you reasonably expect. As the tank i will defer to ur wishes since i cannot tank it, but don't ask for miracles either.My static tank can handle me triple flaring and i love it, but i don't expect anyone else to.
Perhaps gear matching is the way to go a tank with gc should not be with a relic +1, and vice versa.
just my opinion