This is getting really bad. It's technically not our ISP's fault, either. I think we're pretty much fucked.

The router our traffic leaves our ISP (AT&T, TWC, etc.) at is owned by Tata Communications and located in Los Angeles, and is very healthy.
However, once our traffic is passed off to Tata Communications, it immediately goes to the bad router. From TWC/AT&T's point of view, they're taking the best route.