The only way I've been able to tank in this game is by going full "screw you, I do what I want".

That's not to say I'm rigid and unchanging, I change it up all the time. I believe being a good tank in part requires you to have a sense of what can and can't be done at the pace you want. Notice that a healer let you die or get too close to it on a big pull? Slow it down. Healer oom after a pull and you're about to enter another room? Give em time. Notice that it takes forever to kill a reg sized pull because 1 of your dps is a book boosted lvl 70 blm with all broken gear who doesn't know how his job works cause he's only been playing for 2 weeks? Slow it down even if the healer whines.

I try to know fights when going into any boss or raid or dng. I try to explain when things go wrong. If Imma pull the whole damn floor cause I know it can be done I'll ask the healer if they're ok with that before hand and act accordingly. Most will say go for it but sometimes you get ones who aren't as confident.

That being said, I don't allow people to force me into a faster pace. Believe me, if I can pull all the things at once I'm down to do it cause I find trash mobs to be annoying af and I want out asap ... But a dps running ahead to drag something to me? Hope you like tanking that.

So yeah, if setting the pace for and encounter is a part if the tanks job and someone doesnt like it then maybe they should tank instead, so that they can set the pace they desire.