So I'm going to start coming up with racial and cultural faux pas uttered from the mouth of a drunken Midlander scholar named Edgar Bookman (who has full knowledge of Eorzean culture).
A disgruntled Highlander walks into the Coffer and Coffin and sits unwittingly next to renowned scholar Edgar Bookman. Edgar observes the man's ornery expression and utters the following:
"My, you're a big one! Judging by your complexion, I'm going to guess..... Hellsguard!"
The highlander swiftly punches Edgar in the face and exits the tavern.
In walks a Highlander woman clad in a leather harness and subligar. Edgar nonchalantly joins her at her table.
"What a lovely young lady! What's your name, 'Swyrbroes Barabennwyn'?"
The woman winds up and slaps him, sending him spinning into a pair of unused bar stools.
Feel free to contribute more! This is fun!
The Misadventures of Edgar Bookman
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03-13-2013, 06:31 PMYrusamaThe Misadventures of Edgar Bookman
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03-13-2013, 06:55 PMForgo
After getting back up from the spot he landed in... He finds a seat at the bar next to a breaded Lalafell and says "You have a lot bread there my friend, but surely they would not let a child in here even a Roegadyn child manly as you are" The Lalafell replied by getting off his stool and kicking Edger in the shin and walking away...
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03-13-2013, 07:07 PMYrusama
Edgar Bookman is helping a friend mind his shop when an Elezen adventurer enters.
"Excuse me! Muffaletta!" Edgar beckons to her. "I have a quest for you!"
The woman pauses, taken aback by his name calling, and then furrows her brow. "I am not a sandwich!" she vehemently asserts before storming out of the shop.
On her way out she passes an Elezen man, also an adventurer, who enters.
"What's wrong with her?" he asks.
Ignoring the question, Edgar quickly exclaims "You! I have a quest for you!"
"All right, what would you have me do?"
"Can you reach the sprigs of Gallago Mint on the top shelf? I'm afraid I don't have a stool."
Mildly annoyed that the quest is so minuscule, he nonetheless complies.
"Thank you," Edgar says, receiving the Gallago Mint. "If there's anything you people are good for, it's getting leaves from high places."
The Elezen knees him in the ribs (an easy feat for one so tall) and exits the shop. -
03-13-2013, 08:26 PMYrusama
Edgar walks up to a pair of similarly-dressed Lalafell - one a wise old Dunesfolk, the other a vibrant young Plainsfolk - standing idly at a street corner.
"Wow! You could be twins!"
Both Lalafell simultaneously kick him in each shin. As he falls to his knees, they shove him face-first to the ground. -
03-13-2013, 10:56 PMYrusama
A Lalafell man with a full beard and mustache sits next to Edgar at the local bar. Edgar takes one look at the Lalafell and gasps in horror.
"Thal's Balls, why is there a Snurble on your head?! I'll save you, little girl!" he cries as he smacks the Lalafell, attempting to bat the fluffiness away.
The bartender and several customers promptly grab him and throw him out. -
03-14-2013, 02:47 AMNayto
A male Roegadyn and a male Highlander were argueing at a corner table in the coin and coffer, saying who should inherit all the spoils of their last dungeon plundering. Out of concern for the two, Edgar walks up to the table and coughs for a moment.
"Why are you two fighting? Especially you young lad!" Edgar lightly punches the highlander's shoulder. "Do you not respect your older brother? You should honor him by letting him have the spoils!"
Due to excessive injuries, Edgar was transported via chocobo carriage to Stillglade Fane for treatment.
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The day after, Edgar limps into the entrance of the Carpenter's guild. The receptionists raised a brow and tells Edgar that he should have a visit to Stillglade Fane but was cut off imediately.
"I require a walking stick be made!"
They appoint a skilled Lalafell carpanter to start working on Edgar's walking stick, but Edgar imediately shouted, "Gods no! Did you not hear me? I said a walking stick! NOT a toothpick!"
The sound of woodworking can be heard as the carpenter's guild bustled with activity... or was that Edgar being beaten by a two-by-four? -
03-14-2013, 05:08 AMYrusamaWhoa, a bit violent. o.o Was sort of hoping Edgar could at least stand up after getting hurt.Quote:
Originally Posted by Nayto
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03-14-2013, 06:46 AMNaytoPfft. Hildebrand suffered worse and he's still alive.... I think. Besides, it's comedic violence so he's still able to walk after that. Keep the fancy cane while your at it. Or I could tone it down... it didn't sound that violent to me. :\Quote:
Originally Posted by Yrusama
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03-14-2013, 07:12 AMYrusamaI suppose Loony Toons characters go though worse.Quote:
Originally Posted by Nayto
Also a credit to your race: Hildibrand is a Highlander. I'm sure he can withstand a bit more than a squishy Midlander historian. -
03-14-2013, 09:06 AMQueenKYour mother was a Sea Wolf, and your father smelled of elder berries.Quote:
Originally Posted by Nayto
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03-14-2013, 09:51 PMYrusama
A husky, gray-skinned Elezen child approaches Edgar and tugs on his sleeve.
"Excuse me, Sir, have you seen my mommy?" he asks.
Edgar glances around nervously for a moment before answering. "I'm sorry, I have not." He then kneels to whisper to the child. "And you'd do well to take those ears off, little Roegadyn. It won't do to insult the Duskwights."
The child's eyes well up with tears and he runs away. -
03-14-2013, 11:14 PMMjollnir
I heard this joke from Edgar last time I was in the Carline Canopy...
A somber-looking Elezen walks into a bar. The barkeep says, "Why the long neck?"
...though I think he got it wrong. -
03-15-2013, 04:44 AMLady
Edgar Bookman, a man known by many doctors and surgeons, walked into a Roegadyn pub one eve. He ordered a tall glass of ale at the bar, and turned around to look at the crowd of Sea Wolves and Hellsguards enjoying their drink. One Sea Wolf in particular had a very friendly face, and Edgar was immediately drawn to him. In a friendly manner, Edgar approached him and stated, “I’ve always enjoyed getting to know new cultures. Do you mind if I ask a question?”
The Sea Wolf that had now finished his third mug, smiled and told Edgar to go ahead and ask him anything.
Edgar proudly asked, “I really was wondering how you get your names? I see so many Roegadyn’s with such interesting name, how is the name chosen?”
The Sea Wolf stretched his arms out, and sat back lazily in his chair, now quite comfortable due to the ale warming his blood. He then proceeded to explain how some Roegadyns get their names, and ended his explanation by stating, “In my own family, we are named after how we look.”
Edgar smiled, happy he finally was able to make a statement without getting hurt. He turned his head to the bartender and shouted, “ANOTHER DRINK FOR MY FRIEND, Ahlwyb!” (eel woman)
Sadly Edgar doesn’t recall what happened next, but he was eating through a straw for the next 6 months. -
03-15-2013, 06:44 AMForgo
Edgar was wondering around the Black Shroud one night when he found the Harkthorn hut. Two shapely Roegadyn females where standing outside the hut talking and Edger decided to greet them. "Good evening" he said bowing to which both females notice the he staggered in trying to do so. "You must tell how you train. Those are the biggest ones I've seen in awhile" he said to the first Roegadyn female who got offended and said "I beg your pardon?" "Your pecks my good sir, I wish to have a set like them one day." The first female slapped Edgar across the face and walked away. The force of the blow was enough to sober him up enough that he noticed the other Roegadyn was a female. "My good miss" he started to her "Surely one as built as you, would protect a weak thing like me from the monster that just attack me?" The second female took off the staff on her back a waved it a Edgar, in which he though she meant to hit him. Instead a soft light went around him covering his body. "Thank you.." he started to say right as she punched him in the face. Though he was protected he was still knocked to the ground by the hit. "What? Why?" he ask her.."That "monster" that hit you was my friend." she replied and walked away.
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03-16-2013, 06:07 AMYrusama
Edgar was walking down the stairs toward the Emerald Avenue one day when the Lalafell in front of him miss-stepped and fell face first to the brick road.
Edgar chuckled aloud. "That's one small step for a man, and one giant leap for a Lalafell!"
The Lalafell brushed himself off, then jumped up and kicked Edgar in the face, sending him careening into a male Keeper of the Moon. He recovered and bowed sincerely to the man's female companion. "Oh, I'm sorry! I hope I didn't wreck your plaything!" he said, grinning suggestively.
The man effortlessly back-flip-kicked him in the jaw, and the woman conjured a stone to pound him square in the chest. As he lay on the busy road, he suddenly found himself underfoot a dozen times over.