I have anxiety running dungeons, why the pressure?

When I run dungeons I can get really anxious and worried, especially when I come up against a new hurdle or I have forgotten previous bosses moves.

I always apologize when I make a mistake or die but often it feels like people gets angry behind the keyboard even when they say that it is okay.

I just want to be able to run duty roulette somewhat carefree but I always experience the above it feels like. It makes me wish for an easy or hard mode on top of the normal mode for dungeons

I hate feeling that pressure of having done a miss and died. It makes me worry that my party hates having me in the part. Especially after a long pause and I die to previous bosses. What can I do lose some of that pressure? Is there a system or a setting I can do to make it a little easier for me?

I know that I can do a party finder group, but that can take time and would rather use duty finder since it doesn't mean the pressure won't be there even with PF.

I just got lightly scolded for rescuing a tank out of a mechanic because they wanted to greed. Granted dungeons do 0 damage to tanks so I suppose they sort of had a point but it just shows how people will get upset no matter how well you play. Heck I remember in Shb my tank got snippy with me for letting their health drop low even though they never died.

Have you tried turning off party chat?

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Originally Posted by Iedarus

I just got lightly scolded for rescuing a tank out of a mechanic because they wanted to greed. Granted dungeons do 0 damage to tanks so I suppose they sort of had a point but it just shows how people will get upset no matter how well you play. Heck I remember in Shb my tank got snippy with me for letting their health drop low even though they never died.

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...dungeon tanks from what I notice in reading from posts seem to be almost anime-like or World of Warcraft "HOLD THE LINE! KEEP THE HEALTH UP!" raidlead like. Like damn, they get mad for having their HP drop a bit in a dungeon? :)

For me dropping down to like 20% is a common thing where I play^^ I honestly feel sorry for you having such experiences, hope you get nicer tanks.

You should stop thinking about your needs and wants and think about the party. Maybe they want you to fail so you can get over the fear of failure?

I can definitely feel you on the anxiety bit. Are you fine running the dungeons at the usual pace or do you feel they're too fast for you?
If the latter, simply saying "hi, im new to _____ if we can take it a bit slow i'd appreciate it" usually works. Majority of the players in the game shouldn't grief you about it.

If the former --- I usually suffer from something very similar but in case of PF. But obviously DF is different. I'd recommend running things with FC mates if any are available. If they're your friends/ friendly to you let them know what's going on. If youre not feeling confident just saying that you're new can help.

Other than that I'd recommend reading guides on your class and/ or practicing your rotation on a dummy. Hover over your skills and just see what they do. I've found that the more knowledge I have about how my class works and interacts with others, the more confident I feel in new instances. If you're still a CNJ as it says on your profile, saying that you're a new player will let people know what's up.

Most importantly be patient with yourself. Experienced players still make stupid mistakes in basic dungeons. it happens to all of us. To be frank if someone fucks up in a dungeon I go, 'ugh' and move on with my life. I dont remember the names of the people I did the dungeon with 3 secs after we kill the last boss.

Please remember that you're not alone in fucking up. 99% of the players in this game, including me, are monkeys who have like, 3 braincells to rub together.

Finally - Anxiety is a bitch so I hope that you have someone you can talk to about it when things get tough. Mental health is very important so please take care of yourself.

Dont blame yourself! Everyone makes mistakes. People told me think of other 3 players as an npc. I still have tankxiety running dungeons so thats why i run it with friends or Trusts NPC (thats what i did throughout the entire endwalker expansion). For alliance raid wise, i was super nervous running as a tank but the more i do it, the more i felt better cus other 2 tanks take over and one boss for each alliance. I have yet to try tanking on the new alliance raid but im still observing other tanks what they do while im a dps. Im not confident tanking it yet :p youre not alone!

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Originally Posted by GumiBee

When I run dungeons I can get really anxious and worried, especially when I come up against a new hurdle or I have forgotten previous bosses moves.

I always apologize when I make a mistake or die but often it feels like people gets angry behind the keyboard even when they say that it is okay.

I just want to be able to run duty roulette somewhat carefree but I always experience the above it feels like. It makes me wish for an easy or hard mode on top of the normal mode for dungeons

I hate feeling that pressure of having done a miss and died. It makes me worry that my party hates having me in the part. Especially after a long pause and I die to previous bosses. What can I do lose some of that pressure? Is there a system or a setting I can do to make it a little easier for me?

I know that I can do a party finder group, but that can take time and would rather use duty finder since it doesn't mean the pressure won't be there even with PF.

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It sounds like you might be suffering from social anxiety though you'd have to talk to a licensed therapist to be certain. But I know those feelings well.

The main thing to remember is that when others tell you it's okay if you made a mistake, it truly is okay with them. Most of us can remember our first few times going through dungeons and making mistakes. It can take time to learn and even once we have learned, we'll still make mistakes on occasion. While there are those who are less than patient in the community, most of it is understanding.

Joining a FC or finding friends who are playing online at the same time and like to queue for content together can be a big help. It's easier to relax when playing with others who already know you.

For MSQ dungeons, you always have the option of using Duty Support. Many like to use it their first couple of times doing the dungeon so they can learn the mechanics without feeling like they're being judged. Once they've learned them, they're more comfortable queueing in Duty Finder to do them with other players.

OP, it sounds like you are projecting negative reactions from the rest of your party HARD. It's understandable, given your level of anxiety, but definitely something to work actively on. Try to take it at face value when someone says it is OK, and don't assume silence is anger.

Sure, there are some jerks out there, but I find this community is pretty patient and understanding. I've been running roulettes every day for a couple years and can count on one hand the number of times someone has been snarky or rude.

When I first started playing, I also experienced some anxiety when I had to queue for a dungeon, but (a) I learned people are pretty chill, and (b) as you repeat the fights, they'll get easier and easier.

Here are a couple examples, from both sides of the "standing in stupid" problem:

I got one of the lvl 90 trials for trial roulette yesterday, as a healer. Two of the dps spent most of the fight face down on the floor. No one yelled at them. I was a mixture of amused and sympathetic, even though it was making my job hella harder. I've been the one repeatedly on the floor before. I felt for them.

I'm older and spatially challenged, so I really struggle with certain types of mechanics. If I die as healer, it can cause a wipe. Running the newest lvl 90 dungeon about a week ago, I wiped us twice on one boss. I offered to drop so they could replace me, but the group said no, it's ok, bless them. We got it the third time. And now, having run it quite a few more times, I finally have the fight down pretty well. It's all about practice!

Some tips that helped me:

• Run stuff with your trust/duty support to become familiar with the fights you struggle with. They don't care if you die 8 times to the same mechanic. :)
• Go as dps until you're more comfortable. If you die, the band will march on, I promise. It's not the end of the world.
• Remember: Everyone but serious chads stand in dumb stuff sometimes. It's OK!

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Originally Posted by Mosselyn

Remember: Everyone but serious chads stand in dumb stuff sometimes. It's OK!

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Correction. Everyone EVEN serious chads stand in dumb stuff sometimes. You can be excellent at sight-reading mechanics and still wind up on the wrong side of a tell. You can know a fight perfectly and still move into or out of a danger zone a half second early/late and get snap-shotted. You can spend months learning one of the hardest fights in the game(dying hundreds and hundreds of times because someone stood in the wrong place) then go into an easy duty and derp about whether the attack youre about to be hit by goes on your left or the bosses left. So again, EVERYONE stands in the dumb stuff sometimes. It's still OK. Just keep trying, and eventually you should get it just fine.

Unfortunately this is something that can happen, specifically for tanks and healers. As a tank you’re either going too fast and the healer starts bitching or you’re going too slow and the dps start pulling.

As a healer if you hardcast a heal you’re a piece of trash less valuable than pond scum, if you focus on maxing dps and using healing oGCDs you’re just a damage dealer who wants a fast queue and doesn’t want to heal, if you do both you clearly don’t know what you’re doing.

My advice is that in general though, it’s very rare to actually experience that, at least from my own perspective. If someone could play every job perfectly 24/7 without variation, they’re a robot lol. And I think (most) players understand that; mistakes are inevitable but it just happens.

Ask yourself, what is the absolute worse thing that can happen and how does it reflect on you in reallife? In the end it's just pixels, nobody is comming to your home and beat you up because you didn't punt on your tank stance or didn't pull fast or slow enough. If you really feel uncomfortable during a run, just log out. It's only a game and if the game doesn't please you then you are free to get away, get some fresh air and breathe. No FBI is going to arrest you. Remember this, it's just a game. Hope this motivates you to see it from a less heavy (idk how to say in english) perspective. Try to laugh and learn from mistakes and report flamers.

Edit: try to communicate with your team and say what's up. I remember doing The Dark Inside trial and I told in chat I was super nervous, everyone was super helpfull, one marked himself for me to follow him during AoE dance, healers pulled me out of his instakill swipe cause I was tunnelvision on my rotation. Everyone was freaking awesome and i got 6 commend while I was probably the worst tank ever (lol j/k). People are awesome but you have to let them know you need help!

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Originally Posted by Frizze

Correction. Everyone EVEN serious chads stand in dumb stuff sometimes. You can be excellent at sight-reading mechanics and still wind up on the wrong side of a tell. You can know a fight perfectly and still move into or out of a danger zone a half second early/late and get snap-shotted. You can spend months learning one of the hardest fights in the game(dying hundreds and hundreds of times because someone stood in the wrong place) then go into an easy duty and derp about whether the attack youre about to be hit by goes on your left or the bosses left. So again, EVERYONE stands in the dumb stuff sometimes. It's still OK. Just keep trying, and eventually you should get it just fine.

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But what if you don't?

I've been playing the game for slightly over a year now and if there is one thing I've learnt, it's that I don't seem able to memorize mechanics. More often than not I run content with friends, and they give me advice (and are very patient) - but often have to remind them that they've almost definitely provided me with that advice before, probably the last time we ran whatever content it was and I made the same dumb mistakes.
Sad thing is, it's undoubtedly good advice. The problem lays in the fact that, regardless of the source of advice (friends, video/written guides etc), no matter how hard I try I just don't seem to be able to apply said advice to my actual gameplay. And it's a bit embarrassing really, as I'm teamed with people who don't die to said mechanics at all and have progressed on to Savage content (which I sit out).

Its disheartening to be honest - I love the game in itself, but have to concede that even after a year.... I'm just really bad at it, and I've realised that I've started playing a little less as a result.

A wipe isn't the end of the world. I just laugh and do it again. I really don't care. You are just playing a game. Other avatars can't hurt you. If anything people are usually very friendly if you say from the get-go that you're new or have forgotten [X]. No need to make a mountain out of a molehill.

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Originally Posted by Carin-Eri

But what if you don't?

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I cant speak for everyone. Speaking for myself, i can tell you that i never get mad at people who try. The person who afks/purposefully dies and refuses a res/etc? That guy i can get mad at. You say that you cant memorize mechanics. Do you have a feel for why this is? Do you recognize the most basic markers(stack/spread)? Is it possible that you dont have a good enough feel for your class rotation(someone focusing too much on which button to press next can make it harder to notice the mechanic that means you have to move)? Is your class even suited to your natural playstyle?

Ultimately, most content in the game will be perfectly clearable whether one player struggles or not. And you yourself say that you sit out on the harder content, so you arent subjecting people who need better performance to your struggles. So i stand by it still being fine if you mess up. Though i also acknowledge how frustrating that can be.

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Originally Posted by Carin-Eri

Its disheartening to be honest - I love the game in itself, but have to concede that even after a year.... I'm just really bad at it, and I've realised that I've started playing a little less as a result.

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What is it about the game that you like?

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Originally Posted by Frizze

I cant speak for everyone. Speaking for myself, i can tell you that i never get mad at people who try. The person who afks/purposefully dies and refuses a res/etc? That guy i can get mad at. You say that you cant memorize mechanics. Do you have a feel for why this is? Do you recognize the most basic markers(stack/spread)? Is it possible that you dont have a good enough feel for your class rotation(someone focusing too much on which button to press next can make it harder to notice the mechanic that means you have to move)? Is your class even suited to your natural playstyle?

Ultimately, most content in the game will be perfectly clearable whether one player struggles or not. And you yourself say that you sit out on the harder content, so you arent subjecting people who need better performance to your struggles. So i stand by it still being fine if you mess up. Though i also acknowledge how frustrating that can be.

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I generally learn the rotations well enough to not be completely useless in that respect at least. And I'll note that I've avoided playing healer or tank roles as don't want to play a job where the team are relying on me for anything. But no - I generally don't recognise basic markers etc and if/when I do I react too slowly.
As I said, I sit Savage content out when friends play it - that isn't to say they don't occasionally invite me but, being aware that I'd be as much use as a handbrake on a canoe, I decline the invitations.

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Originally Posted by Eisi

What is it about the game that you like?

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The MSQ first and foremost - and whilst my poor performance does impact on that too, it doesn't really reflect on anyone but me in that setting.
Spending time with friends, most of whom either encourage me or simply keep their thoughts to themselves at this point.
My house

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Originally Posted by Carin-Eri

The MSQ first and foremost - and whilst my poor performance does impact on that too, it doesn't really reflect on anyone but me in that setting.
Spending time with friends, most of whom either encourage me or simply keep their thoughts to themselves at this point.
My house

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Do you perceive the gameplay part that's tied to the MSQ as a burden? Is the MSQ interesting to you in spite of the gameplay?

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Originally Posted by GumiBee

When I run dungeons I can get really anxious and worried, especially when I come up against a new hurdle or I have forgotten previous bosses moves.

I always apologize when I make a mistake or die but often it feels like people gets angry behind the keyboard even when they say that it is okay.

I just want to be able to run duty roulette somewhat carefree but I always experience the above it feels like. It makes me wish for an easy or hard mode on top of the normal mode for dungeons

I hate feeling that pressure of having done a miss and died. It makes me worry that my party hates having me in the part. Especially after a long pause and I die to previous bosses. What can I do lose some of that pressure? Is there a system or a setting I can do to make it a little easier for me?

I know that I can do a party finder group, but that can take time and would rather use duty finder since it doesn't mean the pressure won't be there even with PF.

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Just tell people you're still learning, most people seem to understand, maybe joke to your party members if u die, like say hey I suck at (whatever job your playing) but you'll never find a more dependable floor tank then me.

I find humor eases me in a lot of situations, simply saying screw it I'm tired of caring or making jokes of the matter can be a true stress reliever.

Keep your head up kid, you got this.

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Originally Posted by Eisi

Do you perceive the gameplay part that's tied to the MSQ as a burden? Is the MSQ interesting to you in spite of the gameplay?

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No. Its more the fact that it took numerous attempts and reducing the difficulty level to Easy or Very Easy more often than not.

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Originally Posted by Carin-Eri

No. Its more the fact that it took numerous attempts and reducing the difficulty level to Easy or Very Easy more often than not.

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Have you ever felt like you learned anything in the game to the point where you didnt even have to think about it anymore you just did the right thing?

Like for example looking out for orange markers and not standing in them anymore shortly before they disappear.

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Originally Posted by Eisi

Have you ever felt like you learned anything in the game to the point where you didnt even have to think about it anymore you just did the right thing?

Like for example looking out for orange markers and not standing in them anymore shortly before they disappear.

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Yeah - but still often too slow to react.

I only do MSQ dungeons even though I rarely die and am used to playing rdps. Throw a hot on me occasionally and I am g2g or I will pop into the healing circle when I can. I have had good and fun people and I have had the rotten apples. I don't care to take the chance of getting the apples so I stay away. No biggie, I get geared wih Hunts and S ranks.

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Originally Posted by Carin-Eri

I generally learn the rotations well enough to not be completely useless in that respect at least. And I'll note that I've avoided playing healer or tank roles as don't want to play a job where the team are relying on me for anything. But no - I generally don't recognise basic markers etc and if/when I do I react too slowly.
As I said, I sit Savage content out when friends play it - that isn't to say they don't occasionally invite me but, being aware that I'd be as much use as a handbrake on a canoe, I decline the invitations.

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So what i was going for wasnt how optimally you perform. It was more how well you know your kit/how practiced you are with it/how efficient is your button layout(to a lesser extent). The forum lists you as a dancer, and for some people dancer is a very easy class to play because the "rotation" is just 1-2 and follow the procs. For other people dancer is a nightmare to play because they arent planning ahead/rehearsing for what to press next. The class is reactionary. Some people do better with a class like Dragoon where the "rotation" may be 12 buttons long but they know that theyll always press those buttons in the same order. Hell, my class is Black Mage whos "rotation" is "use Fire 4 as often as you can"(yes, this is oversimplified a bit). I dont need to think at all about what i SHOULD be doing(splosions!), and indeed im practiced enough that i could do the rotation on a target dummy with a blindfold on and not mess up for quite awhile based on timing and spell audio. This frees me up to focus on mechanics, fight knowledge, and pre-planning where to use some of my resources. Its possible that some amount of dedicated practice time could make this better for you, just as its possible that another class could potentially be a better fit. If you do decide to try other classes, i would say to at least consider adding a tank to the list of class tryouts. In "normal" content, tanking is a lot easier then you might think. As a rule, tanks have very easy damage rotations. If your tank stance is on, two aoes is usually all you need to remain the center of attention. And from there, the thing you need to learn is how to rotate your defense tools. And thats it. Most mechanics in normal content happen to DPS or healers, not to tanks.

With all that said, it is also possible that you have simply reached your limit. If thats the case, then only you can weigh the enjoyment you get from the game versus how frustrating the fights can sometimes feel for you.

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Originally Posted by GumiBee

When I run dungeons I can get really anxious and worried, especially when I come up against a new hurdle or I have forgotten previous bosses moves.

I always apologize when I make a mistake or die but often it feels like people gets angry behind the keyboard even when they say that it is okay.

I just want to be able to run duty roulette somewhat carefree but I always experience the above it feels like. It makes me wish for an easy or hard mode on top of the normal mode for dungeons

I hate feeling that pressure of having done a miss and died. It makes me worry that my party hates having me in the part. Especially after a long pause and I die to previous bosses. What can I do lose some of that pressure? Is there a system or a setting I can do to make it a little easier for me?

I know that I can do a party finder group, but that can take time and would rather use duty finder since it doesn't mean the pressure won't be there even with PF.

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Some of that might comes from not liking the idea of being responsible for someone elses fun. I feel that same way, i dont like the idea that the way i play effects how much fun someone else has, so even in dungeons with mechanics i know 100% perfectly i still get antsy.

I dont know how helpful this would be is but i keep my "hug" emote on, and every dungeon i always make sure to give all of my party members a hug before we start in hopes that

(1) itll ease anyone with anxietys minds and (2) for anyone who might take the game a little to seriously i hopes to remind them its just a game and were here to have fun

alot of the time the small gesture helps with even the most vitriolic of encounters. so maybe find yourself a small little ritual like that to keep yourself at ease,

most people on the game are super good about accidents alot of them from my experience tend to laugh off mistakes or just say screw it and get back in the fray so dont let the rare few scare you away from enjoying the game. Worry about the fun your having and most of the time everyone else will have fun with you

A few wipes a day keep the doctor away!

Don't worry about it OP :3

what pressure? What consequences are their again? Dying to a boss is near impossible so I am assuming you are talking about mobs. with so many insta heals, and tanks have soo many tools for self heal and mitigation its also almost impossible. Even If you die worst case scenario you go back to the beginning.

saying things like 'dying is near impossible' only makes it worse for some people tbh. because death happens.

but yeah the possibility dying shouldnt pressure anybody that much because there are no consequences to it other than losing a few minutes. and thats not so bad how some people might think it is.

Sounds like online community based games may not be for you tbh. You legit are over thinking things. No one in a group hates you, most often they care nothing about you on a personal level. They may mock and belittle you but for the most part after the run they will forget you on a personal level and maybe just remember the event.

In short get over yourself, it is not that serious.

A fraction of the people out there deal with situational anxiety. Everyone has different triggers; maybe get counseling or avoid situations that cause it to spike. Not much else to be done.

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Originally Posted by Kele_Star

Some of that might comes from not liking the idea of being responsible for someone elses fun. I feel that same way, i dont like the idea that the way i play effects how much fun someone else has, so even in dungeons with mechanics i know 100% perfectly i still get antsy.

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This. My previous bouts of tank anxiety caused me to quit the game altogether, twice. DF/PUG anxiety is legit in a game where a pretty serious chunk of the population has >10k hours played.

That said, to both GumiBee and Carin-Eri (and anyone who has the same sorts of anxiety), I say this - just because someone has spent 10k+ hours playing FF14 does not make you in any way responsible for their fun and enjoyment for however long they are grouped with you. In a game where the range of experience/skill runs from "total n00b who dies trying to ride their chocobo" all the way to "solos Ultimate raids wielding a spoon and wearing a bikini", EVERYONE falls somewhere in between, and despite what some folks say on the forums about how easy the game is FOR THEM, there was a day when they stood in the bad, caused wipes, goofed 3 out of every 4 rotations, got tunnel visioned, got lost, watched all the cut scenes, etc. At some point in their past, they were worse than how you imagine you are right now. I am on my 3rd go 'round with this game, and at level 60 and purposely staying in ARR content until I get the practice I need to quell my own anxiety, I am still finding out new stuff in this game I never even knew about.

And one other thing - even in super easy content, tanks die. I have had at least half a dozen deaths from not being healed even after I popped all my CDs and potion, I have seen countless pulls where one of the DPS mentally checks out and does exactly nothing, been in plenty of boss fights where it isn't just bad timing or being a quarter second late to react, but purposely standing in ALL THE BAD like a deer in the headlights, and that is just in ARR content. But having done my share of herpity derp dumb, I figure they are just newer than me and this is how it goes as you learn. When I try heals or DPS, I am sure I will herpity derp plenty. That's why I have a "my bad, sorry" macro hotkeyed.

It's a game. If someone spends an extra 30-90 seconds in a dungeon because you didn't have a flawless DPS rotation, or overhealed instead of letting your tank go to 5% while maxing that sweet healer deepz, or you tanked and didn't W2W the dungeon because you just weren't sure you could....well, they'll get over it. Or they won't. 10 seconds into the next duty, they'll have forgotten all about you. If you think you could do better, pick that same duty and try it again, and again, and again....until you think yeah, you have that one figured out. In the meantime, remember that games are for fun. It's what I tell myself when I feel the anxiety. =)

EDIT - and even if your party wipes and you solo a boss to recover the run, which I just did, you get no player comms. There is literally no rhyme or reason to how people act in FF14...and I just got my anxiety cured. LOL.

I have to agree regarding counselling. It might be helpful in the short term to offer advice, but that only marginally mitigates the immediate anxiety and not what's behind it. The truth is, if you (generally speaking) are feeling such extreme levels of anxiety while playing an anonymous video game in the comfort of your own home to the point that you're struggling to play, it's likely indicative of bigger social anxiety problems IRL you might want to look at with a therapist.

Ultimately, it's a video game. You'll likely never see those people again, and they'll forget who you even are within five minutes of leaving the duty. Even if they were to react negatively (which happens at some point no matter how well you might play overall), when you remember how they react is a reflection of themselves and actually nothing to do with you, you'll be a lot happier.