Party overstepping my personal boundaries in duties

Tried to delete my thread but it wont let me delete 1st post. I dont get the option for 1st post.
Please forgive me for a messy looking thread now.
Ive deleted my other posts in attempt to stop the thread from going on.
Admins. Please delete or close this. I've done what I could to remove it myself.

What you're experieincing isn't about you, it's part of some heal prioritization schemes (but not the only ones) for healing in 8 man content.
For example, one might prioritize healing in the following partly-humorous order:

1. Oneself
2. the main tank
3. the other healer
4. any one else who can do a rez
5. the DPS that seem to be doing there job well (like by not standing in the bad stuff) and therefore hasn't died yet this fight
6. the off-tank if they are doing their job and not just acting like a lame DPS
7. whichever of the off-tank and the remaining DPS has the best glamour
8. everyone else

This list may change depending on how likely you think the group is to nearly wipe, but generally, the other healer will usually be near top. It's not just professional courtesy, it's an acknowledgement that oneself can die sometimes and having no one alive to rez oneself when that happens makes for a boring duty and often a wipe.

A myriad of different situations can pop up that make it seem like a good idea to throw a heal or esuna on you, regardless of your own role as a healer.
If a big chunk of unexpected damage is dealt to a co-healer on a trial and I'm playing a healer myself, I'll find it pretty natural to toss an oGCD heal their way. I don't think there's any intentional disrespect involved whatsoever, just a group of players trying their best to watch out for each other and cross the finish line together.

This is an incredibly stupid thing to be upset over

As a healer main I've experienced this myself (and also guilty of doing it). I wouldn't worry about it - it's not intended to make you look like a bad healer or any reflection of your abilities, just everyone working to keep the party alive and going.

If I see my co-healer drop to less than 50% health I'll stick a heal on them (assuming no other pressing things to do like raise/heal tank or dodge some nasty mechanics) as I want to ensure they stay alive to assist with any healing/raising required. Again, if everyone gets hit by debuffs that need removing, I'll just start chucking out Esunas making my way down the party list accordingly, thus allowing the co-healer to concentrate on healing, raising, or dps'ing. Unless I'm mistaken (last I checked, been a while since I played it), WHM has the highest dps of all healers at present so your co-healer may be trying to help you so you can keep dps'ing for max damage output?

One question I will ask is - do you inform your co-healer to not heal you before the fight starts? If yes then I can see why it would be annoying, if not, then can't really blame them. .

AzizaToinette, assuming you're not talking about a static, I think you are expecting way too much from a DF pug of random strangers.
Most if not all of the other players are just going to play as they play, without regard to any requests other people make.
They'll heal, tank, and DPS according to their own habits and preferences, not yours.
And all they or most anyone else cares about is clearing the content expeditiously, not the performance of a bunch of people they may never run with again.

If you are talking about a static, OTOH, then this is a problem you and the static need to come to terms on, or you need to find a new static.

I don’t really know how to explain that people just do what they generally do in a party, if a healer sees their cohealer drop low they will just instinctively heal them (unless they strongly trust each other which doesn’t happen in PF), it’s nothing against you it’s just how they play

I’ve been a healer main since this game launched and I have completed basically every raid that has ever existed and I still instinctively rezz someone the second they drop even if the SMN/RDM/WHM is better equipped to perform the rezz than I am, it’s just instinct at this point

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Originally Posted by AzizaToinette

I raise immediatly too if its safe but its not the same as heals. And the real problem is that people dont listen when I ask not to be healed and 5-10% is not even low hp. Fair enough they usually do it but it bugs me they wont stop when I ask them to let me manage my own health. I show them the same courtesy letting them handle on their own. How to explain those people so they will listen?

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You don't, you get over it and move on

This is how you make a troll post. Real quality stuff.

You will not be able to change the meta on how players play. If its casual content, its already muscle memory and they wont do anything different.

You work down the prio list as a healer, which starts at keep healers alive ... or maybe keep tanks alive, those 2 could be interchanged. So unless you min max or really know the content, in most cases you will get topped off by an aoe somewhere.

Same with Esuna stuff, just remove it, once if yours is done go down the prio list. If you want to add your own special rules to things, theres always Partyfinder. If theres dps and healers at 60% hp after an aoe ill pop an aoe heal, if theres debuffs that need to be removed ill remove em and if you get clapped by a mechanic and suddenly sit there with a stack and at half hp, chances are i throw something insta at you.

Not to spite you but to ensure no follow up makes you sit down, because a rez is the last thing you want to use in combat, its a lot more expensive then throwing an extra heal.

Trying to talk to the average DF person is like herding cats, in best case they can read the chat never hope they can also comprehend what you say.

They may have tossed an AoE heal out and you were in range. They can't make their AoE heals not hit you. Do remember that.

They could have been burnt one too many times by a healer that said they got themselves only to find out the healer does not have themselves.

Your server is an EU one so there could also be a language barrier. They don't speak English and therefore didn't understand that you didn't want them to heal you. (Assuming you use English in game given your language use here).

They heard you, but in the heat of moment during the fight, they didn't remember and healed you out of habit or esuna'd you out of habit.

It was 5 minutes into the fight and they forgot that you had asked to not heal them as I've never seen anyone in game ask that of people. So it's not something that's anywhere near habit for anyone.

Yes, some may be doing it out of spite, but those are probably the vast minority of players who would actively go against the wishes of others.

It's probably just accidental healing on their part or healing that they can't have ignore you.

You're upset because your co-healers heal you? Amazing!

You shouldn't play healer

Your co-healer is there to help, not for you to push around. If your co-healer decides to heal you, they've healed you. If they didn't need to, that is up to them to deal with, not you.

Optimizing in casual content? I have it on good authority that this is highly toxic and will get your rights revoked!!11

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Originally Posted by AzizaToinette

... Im main whm and I'm good at my class..yet so many parties, especially co healers insist being all over my hp bar with induvidual healing. Especially if my hp are not full. It stresses me, overstimulates my senses, and makes me lose focus that they think im so bad a healer. It also make me uncomfortable when co healer insists on esunaing me instead of focusing on the dps since I can do it myself.

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I have no doubt of your skill. I can assure you that when someone else heals you as a healer with their single targeting stuff, it is by no means an insult, more of a habit or an SGE fishing for Toxicon. I by no means mean to say you are wrong for how you feel, but I recommend looking at the situation from a different PoV. When I get an extra heal or mit from a tank/co-heal I am happy cause it saves my resources and makes it so I can relatively heal less. As for esuna, I haven't been in enough content that requires Esuna besides the occasional dooms and glooms, but that's more in 4 man than anything.

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Originally Posted by AzizaToinette

Ive tried to explain im fine by myself..that I dont like induvidual attention to my hp ..that it stresses me that they dont leave it up to myself to administer my hp % ...but people has zero respect and insist on babying me.

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There can be many more than just a lack of respect. Maybe there is a language barrier, they don't look at chat (I know some who ignore it), or maybe it's habitual, which makes it hard to stop doing something they are wired to do. I respect your view.
I would recommend that you see this from another angle. It's less of babying you and more of the co-heals just doing their job, you're a team, and as co-healers you're a team in a team. Some resources provide mits with heals like a SGE using a mit heal, or an SCH using you as a deploy point for critlo spread.

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Originally Posted by AzizaToinette

its respectless not to let a healer administrer their own health and debuffs ... its like saying.."you cant heal yourself..you cant push the esuna button"...but no one listens to me and sometimes it makes me cry irl and then I have to log off.

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I don't think, personally, it is due to the lack of respect for you, rather than what I said before, habitual. Also acknowledge of the fact that the co-healer might be new or less familiar with the fight or their kit so they heal more. I know starting the new tier I overhealed a good amount until I got a better feel on when/where to use my resources with the fights (Dissipation opener is poggers). Also want to note again how some may not be able to understand or read chat. While your perception is your own, I would recommend looking at it from all angles before focusing on the current one if you can.

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Originally Posted by AzizaToinette

... how to deal with these people.

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Communication, and if that fails, try again in the next fight. You can speak your wishes but it does not mean others will follow. They are playing the game and duties too, and their wishes should not overshadow yours; yours shouldn't overshadow theirs. There needs to either be a middle ground or people deal with the cards dealt (insert AST Joke here)

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Originally Posted by AzizaToinette

Does anyone got similar experiences...?...why people refuse ro understand how much it bothers me?

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I personally am not affected, but that shouldn't diminish your feelings. The only Boundary I have within duties is to keep any ERP off of uncomfortable party members or me. But haven't had an issue.
As to the 2nd point here, I hope I have covered it

Im sure you're a great healer, and I know you can handle yourself, but there are other factors that may play into why they do what they do. I assure you most times it is not intentional disrespect unless they say so in chat. Just something you will have to grow and get used to if you play a healer, and if not, find a co-healer friend to queue with in 8man stuff who respects your wishes.

This is a bait thread right?........right?

I bet you hate it when dps uses second wind too.

OP you have issues. Seek medical help.

I'm either about to be jumped for this post or it's going to be liked to hell and back but...

You citing autism and sensory overload is not an adequate reason for other people to bend to your will. You're clearly well off enough to post on this forum, and by extension well off enough to know that not everyone, ESPECIALLY strangers, have to acquiesce to your condition. If there are things present to trigger you, then it is YOUR responsibility to either handle it or remove yourself from the situation. This holds even more true in a cooperative setting

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Originally Posted by AzizaToinette

its respectless not to let a healer administrer their own health and debuffs ... its like saying.."you cant heal yourself..you cant push the esuna button"

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It's really not. I'm sure it feels that way to you, but it's not meant that way.

Healers in casual content very often just blind heal until the entire party has full health. It's safe. They aren't really good at their class and blind healing allows them to compensate for it. They're hardly aware of you as a co-healer, much less evaluating your skill level and administering heals because they think you aren't capable. They just see missing health on the party list and heal it regardless of any other factor.
Sages will also administer single target heals to restore their own MP, not to heal.

As you said you have a form of autism. Consider the fact that makes you perceive things differently to others. Even though it feels like single target heals are invading your boundaries and disrespectful, the reason no one else seems to realize this is because it doesn't feel that way to them and it isn't meant that way.

Your only real option is to understand this and learn to be able to accept it. Others just think differently, there's no intentional disrespect, it's fine. Then you can enjoy duties more. Trying to change the entire healing community just isn't realistic unfortunately. Hope things work out for you.

The only somewhat safe way to keep random healers from PF away from your HP bar would be to ask them that you solo-heal. Even then the fairy might heal you though.

To OP: this is a team game. Not 4/8/24 people invidually soloing a dungeon together. There is a lot of trigger happy overhealing in random duties, a lot of people want to see HP bars full, often times out of insecurity about being blamed if someone does manage to die. I dont think it's a wild guess to say that a lot of people doing normal mode content are frequently not aware what attack a boss will do next and how soon. So they just full heal on the spot. Is it optimal? No. Could it be worse? Definitely. Does that mean healing you is a personal attack? Absolutely not.

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Originally Posted by BRVV

The only somewhat safe way to keep random healers from PF away from your HP bar would be to ask them that you solo-heal. Even then the fairy might heal you though.

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With how many free heals there are around this is very likely to happen. If I'm on white mage I want to use lilies. If I'm on sage I have to use heals to get mana.

Party before this thread gets deleted #party

i saw one guy tell the healer stop fucking healing dps im a warrior i can heal myself then he dies then flames the healer for not healing him

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Originally Posted by bubblesbutternut

i saw one guy tell the healer stop fucking healing dps im a warrior i can heal myself then he dies then flames the healer for not healing him

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Would've laughed my ass off

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Originally Posted by BRVV

Would've laughed my ass off

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on one hand you can laugh but then the rest of that run just turns to shit another perfect example of it doesnt take a dps checker to be a dick you will still be one at the end of the day

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Originally Posted by bubblesbutternut

i saw one guy tell the healer stop [redacted] healing dps im a warrior i can heal myself then he dies then flames the healer for not healing him

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I hate when healers heal me on WAR lmao. They'll complain I'm not using cooldown's when in reality, I'm monitoring my HP to pop holmgang, letting myself get to 1, and then gearing up to pop Bloodwhetting. After I do that, if the mobs aren't dead yet, then I'll pop other CDs

Then again I'm a competent WAR who actually uses my funnie haha buttons.

So a run with that tank skill wasn't shit before? What do you mean with "turns to shit"?

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Originally Posted by MilkieTea

I hate when healers heal me on WAR lmao. They'll complain I'm not using cooldown's when in reality, I'm monitoring my HP to pop holmgang, letting myself get to 1, and then gearing up to pop Bloodwhetting. After I do that, if the mobs aren't dead yet, then I'll pop other CDs

Then again I'm a competent WAR who actually uses my funnie haha buttons.

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not gonna lie the aoe heal is amazing and the self heal is amazing on warrior but i have also ran into many tanks that dont use a defence skill and cant keep agro and still flame the healer like i said before rude players will be rude players at the end of the day a dps or hps checker wont change that lol

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Originally Posted by BRVV

So a run with that tank skill wasn't shit before? What do you mean with "turns to shit"?

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meh you can have mess ups and it can be smooth run afterward it just takes a positive mindset is what im saying i said this on another post but in eu and na something goes wrong the entire run after that goes to hell in a hand basket but on jp servers everyone says sorry and moves on and enjoy the run even when it all goes to shit many times the mentality is different

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Originally Posted by bubblesbutternut

meh you can have mess ups and it can be smooth run afterward it just takes a positive mindset is what im saying i said this on another post but in eu and na something goes wrong the entire run after that goes to hell in a hand basket but on jp servers everyone says sorry and moves on and enjoy the run even when it all goes to shit many times the mentality is different

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Had runs on my server that stayed pretty positive after a huge mistake but yeah i also had those runs

OP has stated they had stuggles with focus and that they have autism. Maybe dont be so harsh to them. Sometimes people need to vent and all they need is to be listened without judged. Eventhough it does look like a troll thread, if what they said is true, we should try to be understanding. Give them feedbacks without shaming them.

simply put here look i understand things can get difficult when a player has autism i had a friend that has it and we play cod zombies together fun to play that with them but once it got tto ffxiv that person made me rage quite raiding for a long time they kept moaning because something changed someone had to leave early coz of work or some players had to dip because real life came into the mix or some could not be there as much because of family issues i want to raid i want to smash the end tier content with a group
but at the end of the day it is a game and life comes first now were it comes to the part where they are upset coz another healer healed them this is just a bad mentality why are they taking it as a negative thing dps have dps buffs it is not to say they think the rest of the dps sucks that is why they have to use it they use it coz moh damage if i die and a healer doesnt bumb a regen at least on me my mind is blown im like wtf bro when you rez that player your locked onto them so stick at least a regen on them you can still move it will heal them or use an insta cast heal on them we are a team and someone healing me shit or good i could not care less it helps me continue to dps as a healer or puts less stress on me to healer others rather than having to heal myself there is a debuf cant rememeber the name but stops cast randomly i stick a esuna on myself then i do the same to the other healer then the other healer tries to stick a esuna on me but wait the dubuf cancelled my cast but the other healer esuna worked then bam i can stick it on them without my spell being cancelled this is the problem with a lot of people these days they dont realise they are playing a mmo not everything is solely about them it is a team effort it is about everyone as a tank healer main i change the way i pull depending on how well the group can handle the large or small group pulls because i know to complete the dungeon is not due to only me it is because of the group as a whole

Either accept that in team content you’ll get healed and esuna’d or dont be a healer in group content. This isn’t overstepping boundaries at all so you are being too sensitive over a non-issue.

OP having autism isn't an excuse. I have autism and since this is a freaking MMORPG probably a disproportionate number of us do, too! This is still a cooperative hobby and having autism doesn't give anyone a free pass to be a jerk.

I dont follow the problem, the cohealer healing you when you take damage is them playing their job... playing it defensively admittedly, but thats fine and certainly nothing to get upset over.

Your problem has nothing to do with other healers though, and entirely your own self belief. You said it yourself "its like they are saying you cant heal yourself". Thats your own self confidence talking becsuse they're saying nothing of the sort.

They've seen you getting a little low on HP and thrown you a heal so that you and they can focus on everything else and a stray AOE doesnt cause a healer to go down.

You're then writing a narrative in your head around that yourself.

Another thing I'd highlight is that play with randoms in DF or PF isnt like running with your FC or a static.

While you're hovering at <25% HP and feeling fine, you never know when your cohealer, tank or DPS is going to take a bunch of mechanics to the face. If a healer is low on health, they're vulnerable, if someone goes down and you're distracted then the risk of you going down increases. A healer or tank going down can turn things south fast.


Thing with that is, nobody knows each other and frankly, there are a lot of players who maybe dont have the best social skills
and will throw tantrums that would make my kids embarassed if you get a wipe or things dont go smooth. You never know, so a lot of players will try to be more defensive so they dont find themselves back in the duty finder for an hour after someone threw a tantrum and rage quitted on them.