Hey everyone. Got a question for all of you. I love ff14 and some of the community for the most part. Unfortunately I been in a FC or 2 that have bullied me in the past hardcore and made me very weary of FC's now especially big FC's. I made my own and kept to myself but it's sucks being solo and makes it boring sometimes.
I do try to make friends if or when I can but keep people at arms length for I guess safety reasons. I would like to make some friends and hopefully trust people again. I was in a FC just earlier but left it since it made me feel uncomfortable and brings back bad memories.
Any ideas or advice I can do? I own my FC like I said just like to be able to trust people again and make some friends and have fun again
Overcome some trauma
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10-24-2021, 01:53 AMVelvet_LunarfangOvercome some trauma
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10-24-2021, 02:20 AMKes13a
that will always be your personal journey. you know what you like, dont like and what makes you comfortable.
honestly might try fellowships since they tend towards like minded people. can go from there.
FC's are always going to be a mixed bag, especially if you dont know people already -
10-24-2021, 02:54 AMWarpstone
the best thing about a MMORPG is the people and the absolute worst thing about a MMORPG is the people. It's weird that way but it's just life. I just try to keep to my self except when running roulettes.
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10-24-2021, 03:01 AMCrimsonGunnersorry to hear that but the best advice i think i can give is ,give people a shot when your ready cause not everyone are like them and simply talk to others, they dont have to be a part of your fc to be friends.Quote:
Originally Posted by Velvet_Lunarfang
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10-24-2021, 03:58 AMVelvet_Lunarfang
thank you all I shall try just baby steps I guess. If anyone is ever on Aether or Jenova say hi
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10-24-2021, 05:09 AMSturmChurro
I don't think I've ever had the problem of getting bullied in a clan or guild. You could always start with babysteps and stick with text, rather than voice, as it's a bit easier to slip by that way.
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10-24-2021, 12:24 PMLexis
I'd avoid the big FCs who mass invite anyone and everyone. Instead, try shopping around for a smaller, community driven FC where you can get to know everyone.
Bullying can stick around with you for a while, especially if you're prone to anxiety, but this game's community is quite lovely overall and I've no doubt you'll find the right FC to call home in time! -
10-24-2021, 12:35 PM_Pigzig
Never back down
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10-24-2021, 02:19 PMAlyaNimfa
I get how you feel about FCs. My situation is similar, yet different. I game with a close family friend, so I always have someone to mess around with, but I'm much younger than most people on here. Most FCs simply wont allow me to join, or if they do I tend to get excluded or treated like I'm slow or something. Basically I have been unable to make a single friend in this game, which sucks because I'm very social. The game keeps me playing, but nothing else.
I was on Jenova for a while too, but had a real hard time there. I'm on Leviathan but still FC-less. I wish you all the luck in the world in finding somewhere, Don't settle for what you don't like, you do you boo. ♥ -
10-24-2021, 05:21 PMBatbrat
Try the Community Finder for your server. Shop around the different FC's there and go for a smaller one.
BUT. I will say. As someone who did that too...make sure you find one that suits YOUR needs and is comfortable with exactly who you are and your tendencies in-game. Don't join thinking "well, somethings are whatever/I can't abide by all of this, but the rest looks good!" While smaller FC's are way more cozy, this also means that they tend to have a stricter expectation that you're going to go out of your way to be associated with them frequently (join daily roulettes, join for movie nights or little contests in discord, etc). So if you work a lot or join but arent really doing content much at that time, it can cause them to look at you with some side eye lol. I wound up actually just joining a friends FC and staying there-but are there still more flexible, kind-hearted, understanding FCs out there? Of course. Just have to poke around for them. or maybe even just strike up conversations with strangers in your server and see where that takes you too.
The kindest FC's I've ever met were the ones who weren't actively searching for recruits and were just chilling minding their business.
Hopefully any of that helps. -
10-26-2021, 04:36 AMPacketdancer
I do think it's important to know what you want in an FC.
- Some folks are just looking for facilities -- an FC house, the FC buffs, etc. -- and don't really want to do things with an FC.
- Some folks are looking to go hardcore on endgame content, wanting to run savages and ultimates and so on, and want an FC of like-minded sorts that will do that.
- Some folks just want an FC that's a community, with no specific focus but willing to do a wide variety of stuff together.
...and so on. For me, the third point proves to be what I wanted; my FC is a reasonably active mid-sized group, where we have folks with a wide enough variety of interests to be into everything. Savage raiding, blue mage content, big fishing, mahjong, whatever it is there's someone who really loves it and is more than happy to share that enthusiasm if asked. Folks will happily put together groups to teach endgame extreme and savage stuff, or just happily help sprouts run dungeons. It's a nice chill group, very accepting -- we have a number of trans folks in the FC, so the one hard rule is that anyone who joins must be LGBT-friendly, as we're not going to let jerks ruin the group for those members -- and I'm very happy with it. This is my "forever home" in FFXIV.
But if I'd been going hardcore on just endgame content and wanted a group that was going to be focused on "Let's put together optimal groups to get in the maximum amount of time trying to run serious high-tier endgame content!", even with as nice as the members all are, this FC would've been a bad match for me; that's just not the focus of the FC. -
10-26-2021, 05:45 AMKolsykol
A lot of FC's are run by irl friends and it can be hard to fit into that.
I always feel kinda left out in FC's and Guilds partly it's my own fault because I am very quiet and keep to myself but then sometimes when you try to chime in you can kinda get this feeling that everyone is all like '' wtf who is this and why are they injecting themselves? '' even if it's very casual.
Funnily enough I've actually adopted that to my character in FFXIV too which kinda makes sense with the whole '' nodders '' situation in the narrative.
But I treat my character almost as a mute and mostly communicate in groups with emotes unless more is necessary.
But I am also quick to help.
I remember in Guild Wars 2 for example I joined a Guild on day one and stuck with it for years, I have social anxiety so I rarely speak on voice chat especially with strangers.
I interacted with people in the Guild but the Guild was run mainly by a group of friends who kinda for the most part only interacted with each other unless they needed something and none of the others were online.
They basically acted like no one else in the Guild existed unless it benefited them.
One time they needed someone for PvP and I offered to join and one of them told me to join the voice chat for easy communication ( one of the nicer ones ).
The moment I said hello I could feel how the atmosphere did a complete 180, it was super friendly at first and they were joking around etc but the moment someone else joined and said hi things became extremely awkward and silent.
I just got this sense of '' who tf is this intruding on us? '' and this was on our official Guild Discord with the chat open for everyone so it wasn't like I just randomly joined their private chat.
But few times have I ever felt so unwelcome before and because of my anxiety it really messed with me.
I guess my point is that it might be a good idea to join a FC that isn't a bunch of friends who made their own FC.
It's not like it'll always be a problem but I think that cliques forming is natural regardless, but those cliques are probably going to be worse and more closed off if they're friends irl too.
Not saying it's always the case it might be the opposite and they're really open but just statistically speaking it's probably true.
And I also think that partly it's a problem with me and might be with you too if you have similar issues irl.
Keeping at arms length is something I kinda do just instinctually and I do want my personal space.
At the same time tho I also don't want to feel like a complete stranger when I interact with people or have people make snide remarks towards me basically being all like '' who tf is this ''.
Especially if I've been in a Guild or whatever for years.
Just try to be friendly and help if people ask for it, but if you start noticing passive aggressive behaviour and the like towards you it might be best to just leave and move on.
Or if you have the stomach for it actually voice your concerns because it might also be a misunderstanding they might not realize how you're taking it. -
10-26-2021, 08:36 AMDreamsoapI faced abuse in my first one too (it was the largest FC on the server - not Malboro.) Did yours happen to be a large one too? I've found the best ones tend to be small and mid size FCs that are still new, you will find a small pop but highly active and highly invested in the few members they do have.Quote:
Originally Posted by Velvet_Lunarfang
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10-26-2021, 10:36 AMArazehlI suggest using Community Finder. Read what each FC there has to say for themselves. If their discription is vague, then ask questions. What do they expect from you as a player in their FC? What is their policies/rules? Is it a no obligation to just try out their FC? I agree too large of an FC (hundreds of active members) you can get lost in the sea of players. Too small, it's activity is limited base on peak play times of it's members. The rest of the time it's dead. I suggest looking for a happy medium and even then it's no guarantee.Quote:
Originally Posted by Velvet_Lunarfang
If you own your own FC, then you should seek out members that suit you and your play style and build it from their. Like someone mentioned your social ability is your own personal journey that you'll have to work out for yourself. You have plenty of options as a starting point. -
10-27-2021, 08:57 AMLunalepsyYou are strong!Quote:
Originally Posted by Velvet_Lunarfang
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10-27-2021, 09:08 AMTaleraRistain
Hey fellow Jenovan! I said no way to big FCs a while ago, too. I have my own quiet, mainly solo one with a handful of friends who pop on here and there. I do my socializing in linkshells.
The most important thing about being in the game in regards to FCs is doing things how you want and what makes you most comfortable. -
10-27-2021, 09:19 AMKitKatnip
This is probably not the advice you were seeking but, since you were bullied, I'm going to go ahead and give you the advise you didn't really ask for. If you don't have a therapist, I recommend you get one. If you do, it would benefit you greatly to discuss this issue with them. They can help you sort through your feelings about what happened and give you tools to overcome your hesitancy to trust people, including learning how to set boundaries so you don't get bullied again. With greater clarity and understanding, you can work on building new friendships/relationships.
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10-27-2021, 12:28 PM_Pigzig
novice network is my fc
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10-27-2021, 05:16 PMSotaris
I created my own FC together with 3 friends in start of SHB. From the start I knew I did not want it to be a big FC, so I never go over 40 members (usually only 20 or so active) so everyone has a chance to get to learn each other and stuff like that.
I don't do any recruitment in-game cause I don't believe you get quality members by shouting all day and it will only cause you having a huge amount of members which would go against my first rule.
I recruit only on reddit and it worked wonders for us. I have an officer that recruit in-game by playing with people if they without a FC however but the quality and activity been mixed so your milage may vary.
The important thing is setting up your own rules how you want to run your fc and what makes you comfortble. My FC is solely focusing on being a social and doing events together, we are raiding in EW but in more of a casual having fun doing it type of static.
Hope it helps a little bit.
oofQuote:
Originally Posted by _Pigzig
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10-28-2021, 01:40 AMIzar_ChillenTake it easy , and let nature take its course. Like minded folk will quite often in games like these come together eventually . It may be something that triggered amusement in a roulette during a convo, members of the party may have with you . It may be simply because someone enjoys your glam style , or something alike.Quote:
Originally Posted by Velvet_Lunarfang
Great things come to those that wait.
Im not on either Aether or Jenova , but I will say Hi , regardless.
Hi , and best wishes. -
10-28-2021, 02:19 AMIllmaeran
As a former guild leader in other games I'll say that any guild/FC leader worth the title will have no issue with you asking to join on a trial basis. Seeing if you're a good fit for the existing FC members and if the FC is a good fit for you are equally important. It sounds like it would also be important for you to tell a prospective FC leader/recruiting officer that you're normally shy/quiet. Some groups have an expectation that members will be active in chat/discord, so being clear about not speaking much from the start is important.
If you're not particularly social in game, I'd suggest that leading an FC isn't your best option since doing so requires a lot of communication and activity. Take your time, feel out various FCs/Linkshells, try things out, and above all, don't stick with an FC that doesn't fit you.
I wish you the best of luck in finding a forever home! -
10-28-2021, 10:14 AMVelvet_Lunarfang
What I would love besides making some friends hopefully is finding people who want to do some mount farming. Right now I am currently doing SOS ex but I have been doing all my mount hunting on PF and it's not entirely reliable