Blacklisting Should Be Updated

Blacklisting has done nothing to help me. I've become uncomfortable with two people in game (but I don't want to report them for harassment, it wasn't bad enough to be considered harassment). I decided to blacklist them.

What does blacklist do? It just stops people from sending me /tells. It doesn't stop them from having me on their friends list, seeing whenever I'm online, seeing my location, if I'm in a dungeon. They see everything. They can still show up in front of me. Sure, maybe I can't see what they write in /say.

But this most recent person I've blacklisted? Sent me a letter in the mail. So now they have another way of contacting me in game. For someone like me, who is terrified of confrontation and anxious about being asked "why did you block me," this is the worst possible situation to be in. Blacklisting has done absolutely nothing to protect me, and I can't imagine people who are going through actual, volatile harassment. Online bullying is a real thing, and I wish Square Enix would update things in game to protect players from being messaged (or stalked) by people they want no contact with.

I can't imagine how many people have simply quit the game or even abandoned their character to get away from someone because they don't feel comfortable with reporting them for harassment.

Before anyone asks why I won't report them; they haven't said anything in game to be considered mean, or bullying. They've messaged me in /tells at one point, and only sent one message in the mail. They also didn't do anything except make me uncomfortable. At this point, if I report them, what's going to come of it? Either they get suspended for harassment and come back even more pissed off at me, or nothing happens, and then Square Enix puts a note on my account that I reported someone for no reason. And if they even got banned, I would feel incredibly guilty.

All I want is to just have our lines of communication cut off. That is it.

Speaking from experience: Only way that's going to happen is to report and ban them.

If they mailed you to ask you why you blacklisted them, they are harassing you. Report them.

I don't play this character any more because there's no way to effectively distance yourself from someone in this game until they behave egregiously enough to warrant SE's intervention. A young woman who is over a decade my junior decided that we're besties primarily because I was the first other woman she met in the game. That's fine, but she became unhealthily attached to me, and honestly just creeped me out. A lot. I tried to talking to her about it, both in-game and over the voice channel in the discord of what was our shared FC. She just doesn't get it. She's got an obsessive personality and (allegedly) rejection-sensitive dysphoria. She physically cannot comprehend that I'm uncomfortable with her level and need of contact.

Has she done anything wrong? No, not really, so she doesn't need, nor deserve, to be reported. Does she need to be forcibly distanced from me? Yes, absolutely. And I've tried to do so. When talking to her, asking mutual friends to talk to her, and asking the FC leader to talk to her didn't work, I unfriended and blacklisted her (explaining it to her and informing FC mgmt that I was doing so). Blacklist is such an ineffective tool that she was still able to see my activity in both the FC window and her friends list. She was able to see what I was typing in FC chat, and apparently was replying to all of it, even though she would be pulled aside in tells constantly and told to stop.

I took the next step, and I left the FC (again, FC mgmt knew what was going on). She could still see everything that I was doing from the friends list, and like the OP, she sent me mail. She sent me lots of mail. I emphasise that I do not think that she needs to be reported for this. She's clearly unsettled, and I don't see any situation in which SE's interference is going to help her. In fact, I fear that it would hurt her. So, I've simply abandoned this character. It's just my forum mule now. Blacklist needs to be reworked. You shouldn't appear on the friends list of a person you've blacklisted, people you've unfriended shouldn't be able to mail you, and your messages should be hidden from people you've blacklisted.

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Originally Posted by Floortank

If they mailed you to ask you why you blacklisted them, they are harassing you. Report them.

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I think in many cases it's best to just be upfront with people in such situations. If I were to block someone I knew out of the blue, if they cared about me to any extent then I'd expect them to be curious and maybe reach out to me. They might not even be aware that they had done anything to annoy or upset me, after all. Or it could be some manner of miscommunication. Maybe they just assume it was a mistake and pursue on that basis. If they insist on poking someone after being told, politely, to give that person some space...then I'd definitely consider it to be harassment and worthy of a report. Yet I'm a firm advocate of taking context into consideration.

Be an adult and tell them why. If they continue to push the issue and won't leave you alone, you report them.

I need triple the blacklist to get rid of sales in pf and, more importantly, the erp brothel ads.

To the op though, I'd suggest a server transfer possibly. Starting fresh is a blast.

You guys have BL space not filled with RMT bots?

But, honestly, OP. I get it, but while you don't necessarily need to justify your block to the person, I don't think it's really healthy to be this level of uncomfortable after two means of contact after being blocked. Especially if that person had no idea why.

From their side: if they are asking why they have been blocked, they probably do not know what set this off. You think it's anxiety inducing to be contacted by someone you blocked? Imagine someone you thought was fine cutting you off without so much as a word.

Blocking someone is not going to remove them from the game, and if that is as distressing as it sounds you gotta just drop the coin on a server transfer.

I back this - if you blist someone then there is no way for them to send you any kind of message. I also think if you remove someone from your FL then you should automatically be removed from theirs. I haven't been stalked in this game, but I was in another game and it's no fun. Though I was able to ignore them pretty much and my friends had my back, it still shouldn't be acceptable nor allowable.

As for this particular situation - you have a few options.
1. Tell them to leave you alone and if they don't, then report.
2. Ignore them. If they send you mail - just delete it without reading it.
3. Transfer servers or start over with a fresh character.

I personally would do 1 or 2, but I don't know how rough all this is on you and 3 is a decision you'll have to make for yourself.

Sorry you're having this issue, it sucks. :(

Enforce boundaries with her. It absolutely is harassment if she is continuing to attempt to contact you after your specific requests that she stop. It's affecting your health if you've been made uncomfortable enough you can't play your character anymore.

Whatever disorders she suffers from are irrelevant. She still has abide by the terms and policies for the game. If she continues to act in similar fashion with other players and it leads to her getting her account suspended or banned, that's not your responsibility. It is hers.

Ask her one last time to stop. If she won't, start reporting her.

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Originally Posted by Theodric

I think in many cases it's best to just be upfront with people in such situations. If I were to block someone I knew out of the blue, if they cared about me to any extent then I'd expect them to be curious and maybe reach out to me. They might not even be aware that they had done anything to annoy or upset me, after all. Or it could be some manner of miscommunication. Maybe they just assume it was a mistake and pursue on that basis. If they insist on poking someone after being told, politely, to give that person some space...then I'd definitely consider it to be harassment and worthy of a report. Yet I'm a firm advocate of taking context into consideration.

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OP feels moved to blist someone, which suggests they don't want to talk to them. Rather than second guess OP, or telling OP to second guess themselves, take what they're saying at face value. If someone is in their blacklist it is because there is no value in speaking to them or seeing what they have to say.

Have you considered asking a friend or family member to communicate your discomfort to the offending party on your behalf?

I get that having anxiety is rough, but you really can't function in a world if you have no back-up plan. I have a friend with anxiety, and I'm conned into ordering food or being the middle-man all the time. Again, I get that some people have anxiety or other handicaps, but you really shouldn't throw your hands in the air, and give up looking for solutions. Humans are social creatures, you need to rely more on your friends and family to compensate for shortcomings. Or else one day you're going to find yourself in a real bind and have never developed the proper tools to solve the problem. You never have to master everything on your own, but you should build a network of people to cover ya.

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And while others have said oh just report them. Or if you do get your wish of a better blacklist. That's just a bandaid fix to a greater problem that you really don't know how to solve these issues. It's a core problem you should honestly be working on a solution for. I believe in you my friend. Best of luck!

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Originally Posted by Raltar

Be an adult and tell them why. If they continue to push the issue and won't leave you alone, you report them.

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Nobody owes you an explanation if they don't want to talk to you or hear from you. Be an adult and stop harassing them.

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Originally Posted by Floortank

OP feels moved to blist someone, which suggests they don't want to talk to them. Rather than second guess OP, or telling OP to second guess themselves, take what they're saying at face value. If someone is in their blacklist it is because there is no value in speaking to them or seeing what they have to say.

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I'm more inclined to err on the side of caution, personally. I don't know the full story and there's two sides to every tale. Then again, I believe in the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing which used to be pretty fashionable.

I'm not saying the OP cannot and should not put people on a blacklist. Anybody can do it for whatever reason they so please. I'm just pointing out that if somebody is a friend and they're blacklisted out of the blue and for no apparent reason...then it's pretty normal for that person to reach out for a variety of reasons. Not in the least because they might feel as if it were an accident.

I've blocked people and had them contact me afterwards which is why I brought it up.