Who are they, "in-game friends"?

I always thought that it's quite obvious: friends are friends, same for everyone. Though one conversation I had about a year ago made me pay closer attention at whom actually different people would call "friends" or "in-game friends".
I was going to run some dungeons with 2 guildies, one was online, another one was late. I knew (or so I thought) that these two guys are close friends, from the same town, they have each other in Skype and always play together and chat a lot when playing. So I asked the one who was online: "Do you know why X is late?" He said: "No, I don't". We were just waiting so I continued: "Is he alright? I know he was fired from work recently and so he's not in the best moods? You are good friends so he definitely told you something" And he answered: "I so don't care! We are friends in game only. I run content with him because he's a good tank but IRL? He can burn to crisps, I wouldn't care..."

I was pretty much shocked and started to think whom actually people are calling their friends in game - what meaning they put to the word?

For me friends are people with whom I have a lot in common, like to spend time together, chatting or doing something that all of us like. It would include both in- and out of game and only these people will stay on my friends list in game or Discord.

Those people with whom I'd tag together for the certain activities only (like raiding for example) I'd rather call "co-workers". It's not the exact word but the definition would hold: they are people you have to work/play with to achieve your goals, you can engage into some light conversations with them here and there but in the end of the day, it wouldn't come beyond that.
I can see all these people in my FC char or my raiding Discord channel but I'd not add them to my friends list.

My friends list in game was always consistent of only the first type of people I described - those I call friends.
I believe that FC leaders, raid leaders, streamers, etc. have to use the in-game friend list for "co-workers" as well.

I see though that every couple of months some new "Add more slots to friend list/blacklist" thread would pop up.
In the same time I encountered a lot of people in game and on forums complaining that they don't have friends, keep it to themselves, etc.
Sometimes they are the same people posting over time in both threads.

So, who are those 200 people that you've add to the list? Friends? Co-workers? Every tank/healer that wasn't awful in DR? Every person you add during last 5 years even that you can't recall who they are now?

Share your insight please :)

Personally I would say I have a grand total of 20 "friends" in real life. Friends are the people I would trust with 90% of anything in my life. These are the people I keep in touch with, people I care about and want to see them healthy and happy. Keep in mind, I work in a profession where I see the worst and best of people at their lowest and highest points in their life. So it affects how I see the world quite a bit.

In game? I would say I have well over 100 in game friends. Most if not all are in my FC, I consider in game friends as those I can feel comfortable with sharing my gaming experience with. These are people that I might talk to outside of the game, but would I trust them with personal things? Probably not. Would I be devastated if they died or got hurt? maybe, but it would not affect me on a personal level.

My friends are my friends. :D Never understood the whole "I have online friends but no real friends." thing. Kinda weird.

That person who said that behind someone elses' back is trash. At least have the gall to say that to his face.

In FFXIV there is no one beyond my BF with whom I can speak with earnestly and plainly. A true friend, whether they be online or irl is someone you can speak about anything with. If you ever need to mince words, can you really think of that person as a friend?

I don’t really do online friends tbh. The idea of actually trusting and getting close to someone who only exists in my life as an avatar just makes me uncomfortable. So any people that wind up on friends lists in games would fall under what you’d call the “co-worker” category. I only feel comfortable taking about game related stuff or some light chit chat/banter with online people, but nothing serious and definitely nothing personal.

That said, the whole don’t care could burn to crisps seems a bit harsh. I don’t feel like that about people, I just keep online very separate from real life.

I would probably accept any friend request as long as it didn't seem like one of those RMT scams. I don't really use my friend list for anything and am not really hung up on only having "true" friends on there.

Although I don't really have any close friends, so I don't have those different categories to put people into.

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Originally Posted by Tempest222

I don’t really do online friends tbh. The idea of actually trusting and getting close to someone who only exists in my life as an avatar just makes me uncomfortable. So any people that wind up on friends lists in games would fall under what you’d call the “co-worker” category. I only feel comfortable taking about game related stuff or some light chit chat/banter with online people, but nothing serious and definitely nothing personal.

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I understand your concerns but I like to role play in-game and try to keep personnel stuff out. In a role play life friends can be very close just like real life friends. I got close to a girl and we plan on getting married .. that's in game .. we did the marriage tour the world quest but haven't set a date. no we don't erp if you are wondering we just play the game and enjoy .....

90% of people who add me to friend list never pm me ever again. Why they are even there.

Well honestly, that person seems like a douche. My friends are my friends, in-game, out-game it doesn't matter.

I spend more time talking to my friends in game via discord than I do with my friends in real life. We are actually having an FC meet up in May next year in London.

I have a rough experience when it comes to friends online. Mainly because I am a very trusting person - I take people at face value and tend to give everyone a chance despite what others say. This has bitten me in the ass a lot - some of my real encounters with people from my online life seemed fine, even web cammed with a few and their friends, only to have information withheld because “well, I didn’t know he was luring you.” Like, you knew he was deceiving me... gave me comfort that the person was safe and legit. And then you’re surprised I’m hurt? I know the meaning of stranger danger. I’d rather not go into details.

Not all the people I met from games in the real world were bad - but I have psychological scars from some. Thus, I understand why people put a line between RL friends and in game friends. Some of the people I have met in game I adore and feel comfortable sharing RL details of my life. Maybe in a few years when I get to know them better we can set up a meet. But some friends stay online friends. They’re great for venting to, playing games together, talking on Discord - but I am very choosey with what details I choose to divulge about my RL. So there are in-game friends and friends.

That being said - some of my best friends are from online relationships. I consider them family. Like 6+ years of friendship. A year is not often enough to see through the virtual persona we portray online with the anonimity we have behind the screen.

Be careful of being decieved. Meeting someone who could very well be decieving and catfishing you can cause psycological harm and danger.

The guy the OP mentioned sounds like a total asshole, to be honest.

I think I'm pretty unique in the sense that I've been hurt way more by people locally in my RL outside of games than I have with the friends I've made online. As such, I tend to be much more open to forging more personal relationships through the internet whereas outside of games I'm prone to keeping people at a distance.

I have known the people in my FC for nearly a decade after originally meeting in FFXI and doing Skype calls during Dynamis runs to make them less boring. Since then, we've developed a strong bond and make the effort to have mass FC outings to things like Distant Worlds and Fanfests as much as possible. At this stage, I consider this lot a second family.

Generally my criteria for friendship are those who actively make the effort to speak both in and out of the game, whether it's through Discord, WhatsApp, text or whatever.

My criteria for "co-workers" are members of your FC and friends lists who you speak to exclusively in-game.

Anyone else equates to people you added to FL but can never remember why.

Friends are those that you like to spend time with it. One does not have think about it too much, if you like to spend time with someone (both online or offline), then you atleast consider them to be your friend. Some of my friends on the friendlist, do not interact with me (I have to take the first step), but other friends send me a personal message or greet me via Free Company/Linkshell the moment I log in.

Friends come in all shapes and sizes. ;)

I had a in-game group that I was really close with. We'd stay up all night long on discord joking with each other about this or that and running things together. We didn't always agree with each other on everything, but I was never intentionally malicious to other people just occasionally petty. But then one night one of the dudes that I didn't know very well started demanding that I send him nudes. The others saw what was going on, but they were just like "lol there's a fight" like one dude trying to pressure a chick he barely know to send him nudes is some silly argument that's mutually ridiculous. Dude ended up harassing me for about 5 solid hours over that and when it hit me later that nobody there thought that was really messed up I just cut them all off.

A lot of the time you're never really going to know who actually is or isn't your friend until some kind of incident happens. MMOs tend to be full of fair weather friends and I really don't think there's any way to get around that.

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Originally Posted by PandaMonium

"I so don't care! We are friends in game only. I run content with him because he's a good tank but IRL? He can burn to crisps, I wouldn't care...")

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Whoever this person is lacks any decency

Aside from appearances, I see no difference between people in-game and people in real life. Both can potentially be your good friends that you can trust, or people that are two-faced, lie and betray you.
People online have the advantage though since you cannot touch them so it's understandable and totally fine to have boundaries for people you meet in-game.

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Originally Posted by Texa

But then one night one of the dudes that I didn't know very well started demanding that I send him nudes. The others saw what was going on, but they were just like "lol there's a fight" like one dude trying to pressure a chick he barely know to send him nudes is some silly argument that's mutually ridiculous. Dude ended up harassing me for about 5 solid hours over that and when it hit me later that nobody there thought that was really messed up I just cut them all off.

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I am SO sorry that happened to you. The fact that they didn't back you up is the worst.

As for me, Both irl and online I've never really had close friends. The kind of person someone mentioned earlier, that they could share 90% of everything with. For me, that's just my boyfriend and my family. Other than that there's only a few people in my fc and on nn that I chat with, the rest of my friends list are acquaintances or virtual strangers. The type that I might /wave to because I see their name is a difference color.

Then again, it's always been hard for me to make friends. Maybe I should get to know some of these people.

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Originally Posted by PandaMonium

I always thought that it's quite obvious: friends are friends, same for everyone. Though one conversation I had about a year ago made me pay closer attention at whom actually different people would call "friends" or "in-game friends".

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I hope that tank found someone else to run content with. That was pretty awful to say about someone who probably did see that person as a friend.