Voice chat and anxiety

As my posting history shows, I'm a barrel of real life issues that I am usually happy to ditch as soon as I'm able to play video games.

That being said, it's a bit confusing being relatively green to MMORPGs, when I've finally caught up to that point where casual play becomes too casual and progression content becomes a possibility.

Anyway, I had an FC mate try to help me out with rotation practice on SMN, and while I was a good sport and accepted the help, I freaked as soon as he asked if he could call me. I'm REALLY kicking myself at the moment because incidents like this have been frequent with my FC mates and I've apologize too many times to keep causing problems like this.

This got me to thinking, are there any raiders that deal with some form of anxiety or social anxiety that could help me... well, not do that? I mean... if I'm really going to push forward, I'm going to need to accept that at some point I'll be having to introduce myself to 7 strangers on a microphone.

I would never give out my phone number online to random people, if that's what you meant by calling.

As far as voice chat goes, I feel like it's only awkward the first couple of times you start using it. I used to be extremely self-concious about my English pronounciation and accent, but after using VOIP for sometime, you realize that nobody cares, as long as you're understood. And nobody really cares about introductions and such either, some people like to chat more, some people don't, just like with text chat. VOIP is mostly just an extra tool used for on-the-fly communication in battles. Of course, some people like to use it for socializing in general, but if you just want to raid, you mostly need to be able to listen raid calls and maybe call one or two words every now and then, if it's relevant to the fight.

Personally, I see myself as a rather extreme introvert. But in some instances, if I'm in a social event or place, and I can either relate very well to it, or have a lot of knowledge with it, I'm ok with talking to people and such. Once I go into an area where I don't know much about, I'm usually silent and prefer to just sit and listen.

That might not apply to you since, again, it's a personal thing, but when it comes to gaming, I'm usually more comfortable with talking to other people. With that said, though, I prefer not to voice chat at all unless I really have to.

Just to give a few examples of what some of my friends have tried:

- I had one try streaming themselves and just talking about what they are doing to try to help it out a bit. Like you're talking to some audience. Maybe that might warm you up.

- I had another friend who normally is very quiet in a chat scenario, but if they wanted to be chatty, they would drink a bit because it would loosen them up. (I'm not a drinker, so I couldn't relate).

Another suggestion, which I prefer in most occasions, is just let your friend or your group talk it out and you listen in. You don't need to communicate back in voice. You can type out answers to questions in chat mode if needed, which I do. But a lot of people prefer to communicate in talking not because they want to hear *you* talk, but more that they can't express their words in text very well. They would rather "tell" you in person, instead of typing out a lengthy term paper.

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Originally Posted by Ninster

This got me to thinking, are there any raiders that deal with some form of anxiety or social anxiety that could help me... well, not do that? I mean... if I'm really going to push forward, I'm going to need to accept that at some point I'll be having to introduce myself to 7 strangers on a microphone.

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Well, aside from occasional necessary call-outs, you can just sit there quietly and listen.

That's the big thing, really. To be able to at least hear the discussions and strategies.

No one I've raided with has had any problem with me doing just that. Hell, we had a member that never spoke except through a soundboard. :P Out of combat, I'll still often just type to respond to people. That said, it does get easier when those 7 people don't feel like strangers anymore. And that'll come with time.

What helped me on Teamspeak was downloading an add on that changed my voice. Then they're not really listening to YOU. :)

Just sit in there and listen, type in chat if verbally talking is too much. I have anxiety but mine is only when it comes to going outside and talking to people face to face. Rarely it will act up on voice chat.

But just say that you have social anxiety (or that you're shy if you don't want to share that information) and that you won't talk much. I don't think I've ever met anyone that had an issue with that, people usually will wait until you feel comfortable.

Hi! I have SAD and I've found that it's much easier to simply mute yourself when you join the chat. Once you feel comfortable, you can slowly nudge yourself out of your comfort zone.

I know it's a lot more easier said than done! If you feel comfortable about your anxiety, you can also say something to your static or group.

From personal experience: I joined my first static and kept myself muted for several turns. (We started on T10) Once I felt confident in my abilities and comfortable, I began talking during T13. Of course it was a bit of a surprise from my group. When I had first spoke, most of them were questioning who it was. :P A few were surprised I was even a chick.

Now with my current group, I had kept myself quiet during my trial-ish (Thordan Ex) and chatted via text. It was a much quicker transition and I began talking to them via voice the next day!

It also helps if you have somebody you are comfortable with in voice chat, as well!

You can take it one step at a time. In the example you've given, I've helped a lot of FC members with their rotations, and I've usually coached via VOIP. Some don't like to talk, which is completely fine! I can talk on VOIP, and you can reply in-game :). After awhile, maybe you can take the next step and say a few things on VOIP, but honestly... nobody really minds if you're shy. If I could make any recommendations to your anxiety, I'd do this:

1) Join a VOIP with friends or people you're close to.

2) Say upfront that you'll probably mute your mic because you're shy.

3) Listen and text back to them in-game. The more you interact, the easier it'll be to break the ice.

4) Take the opportunity to stay in chat even during non-progressive content, so the added stress of performing doesn't get to you as well.

In the end, it's about being comfortable with yourself, and everything else will fall into place. ^^ If you have friends in-game, regardless of how you sound, act, joke, or your pronunciation, they'll accept you. :)

Ease yourself in by just listening. Thats the biggest part. Let the more experienced players guide you.

I started by keeping my mic muted and saying it didn't work. I've known plenty of people who type in response instead of speaking, too. Being there to listen is way more important than holding a voice conversation. If they aren't ok with you typing back, they're jerks.

I've had plenty of people come in voice chat and then just respond to everyone in /party chat. You don't have to speak if you don't want to. Actually though, I've heard of many cases of people using MMOs and voice chat specifically to over come social anxiety issues. As others have said, just listen in at first and then work your way up to using your mic once you feel comfortable with the people you play with.

I am kinda the same, which is funny cus my job required me to be on the phone 24/7 but I still don't like talking in groups. As you listen (and assuming they are joking and having fun) you can find it easier to ease yourself into the conversation and actually want to talk. However most people and groups really only ask that you can listen.

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Originally Posted by Kitfox

I would never give out my phone number online to random people, if that's what you meant by calling.

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On this point, that may be roughly 1/10th to 1/20th of what led to my reaction. This FC mate and most of the FC are friends of a friend. This friend and I actually started as online gaming friends (through Super Smash Bros.) but over the course of 8 years we've become real life friends as well. That being said, my friend is a lot less introverted and paranoid as I am, so he happens to have some of his closer friends' phone numbers. I'm not sure if this is the same with the FC, but I do agree with your sentiment: I'm not the type to make friends this way.

On a related note, I'm not very familiar with voice chat in general, so not only do I not have any chat programs at the moment, I don't think I have the equipment for it as well. I know my friend and his FC chat through PS4, but I'm on a laptop. Do raid parties generally play on the same platform or is there some voice chat program that both platforms can make use of?

OP, I have awful voice anxiety.

I am much better able to communicate with text than I am with speech. I have severe social anxiety that's worst in small groups of mutual friends or my friends and their friends. The few times I've entered voice chat with people in this way, it's been disastrous. It's weird really considering I'm able to speak to large audiences fine for the most part.

My anxiety also relates to my speech disorders, the more anxious I am, the more my speech suffers. Which in turns worsens my anxiety more, and the cycle repeats worse and worse.

This is partly why I don't raid in this game.

But don't worry, you aren't alone. I decline requests to voice chat with the simple explanation that I'm better off communicating with text than with voice since my voice chatting essentially becomes a big, awkward mess. Even listening to them talk and responding with text has always made my anxiety flare up since it becomes clear I'm the "oddball" of the group.

If you're the same way in that your anxiety cripples your ability to speak to them on voice chat, just be up front with them and tell them that you'll be able to communicate far better with text. If they aren't understanding, then don't worry about it. Not your fault.

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Originally Posted by Ninster

Do raid parties generally play on the same platform or is there some voice chat program that both platforms can make use of?

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VOIP programs are usually PC based but some also have phone apps. So, if a player is using PS4, they usually have a laptop on the side for the voice chat or use their phone for it. Teamspeak3, I believe, has a paid phone app, Discord has a free one, not sure about Mumble but pretty sure there was an app for that also. The PC clients are free for all three. Teamspeak is probably the most popular and Discord is starting to get more common cause can be used without a seperate app with PUGs.

i have a lot of social anxiety as well when speaking. I know I'm a goof on forums but I'm rather shy when speaking in voip or just in game. It doesn't help that if I speak in voip I'm frequently greeted by "OMG A GURL!"... >.< Fortunately, this game seems to be fairly balanced gender-wise so it's maybe not as scary as voiping in WoW, Rift or Aion or some such. I usually avoid speaking if I can. I don't really like attention... >.<

As far as speaking for a first time in voip, just remember, most often you can get away with just listening too. You can always mute yourself and just listen to people and type. That would satisfy most people. If you tank or heal you might need to speak at some point, but don't always need to. I know some fast typers that just listen in voip.

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Originally Posted by Ninster

This got me to thinking, are there any raiders that deal with some form of anxiety or social anxiety that could help me... well, not do that? I mean... if I'm really going to push forward, I'm going to need to accept that at some point I'll be having to introduce myself to 7 strangers on a microphone.

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Quite a few people in my FC are like that. In fact we don't even have comms at all. Some of the progression raiders will use it just for that, but you're not required to talk just kinda listen. Outside those progression raiders, nobody in my FC does any voice chat. It's all text.

Try to talk to smaller crowds first, like for example you and an fc member then increase from there.

I feel that if you are in a static and they use voice chat the very least you have to do is just sit in it and listen. Im sure some groups would be fine with you not speaking as long as you are in the call with them to hear call outs as they happen.

So if thats the case you can sit in call and when you're used to them and they aren't no longer strangers then you can begin speaking.

Start slowly by downloading voice chat and just enterring chat with one person you trust. You can listen to their voice and respond back with text until you're comfortable enough to start talking. thne, you can add people to your voicechat group slowly over time until they're all there. As each new person gets added, go back to text until you feel comfortable enough to begin talking.

If you don't eer feel comfortable enough to start talking, that's okay, too. If they care about you, they'll understand.

This is what keeps me from raiding and it is sad but at the moment I can't do anything about that. I hope someday I'll manage to get myself to use voice chat but until then I guess I wont find a static that works for me.

Best thing to do is join in on the chat and just listen. You'll know if the people who are in there are the type of people who make you feel comfortable. Then if you feel you like these people try joining the conversation here and there you'll feel much more comfortable once you do it a few times.

Worse outcome is that they're idiots and you can just leave.It's like real life you'll meet some really cool people and some that are well.... but I think you will find that if you try it, it really isn't that bad and I mean you are who you are just go with it. Hell I sound like a real life lalafell lol.

The way I see it, it's only as awkward as you make it out to be. I don't have any -good- tips to give....

It's just people. The only thing that is happening is your both giving up some anonymity (unless you're using a voice modifier I suppose!), and there's pros and cons to it.

For me personally, the pros outweigh the cons by a large margin. Made a bunch of friends via TS!

I've encouraged a handful of reluctant people to talk in voip (the ones that expressed to me they wanted to, but felt compelled to be silent). That first time talking does feel scary of couse, if it's something you don't normally do. My advice would be to break yourself in with a small handful of trusted friends and work your way up to the 7 other people on a raid group. I know many think their voice sounds awful or some such. I know I feel that way about myself. It gets more tolerable when you talk to people a few times and they don't shriek in disgust. :P

I also have pretty bad anxiety about this; the first time my friend asked to chat with me on TS I was like "nope".... think it took her about three months to finally convince me?
And the first time I did it in raid I just muted myself. I sorta honestly wanted to mute them too since it's loud , but since I use audio cues a lot, calling out stuff helps me a ton so.... I do find that useful at least

I hate voice chatting. I still do. I know some people prefer it but...ugh no thanks. Just as bad as the phone; I have pretty bad phone anxiety too (this was fun when my friends and I all lived together and none of us wanted to order something over the phone..we'd all fight about it. good times).

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Originally Posted by AskaRay

none of us wanted to order something over the phone..we'd all fight about it. good times.

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LOOK. I WILL PAY FOR THE WHOLE DAMNED PIZZA IF YOU JUST ORDER IT. PLEASE.

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Originally Posted by AskaRay

(this was fun when my friends and I all lived together and none of us wanted to order something over the phone..we'd all fight about it. good times).

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This is why 'm so glad we can order online, now. Luckily, my roommate doesn't mind answering the door. ^^;

You know, if someone asked to 'call' me, I'd tell them they're crossing a boundary so I'm going to assume they meant VOIP. Honestly, for my part I hate using voice chat for two reasons. Firstly, I don't really identify with the voice I hear (seriously, hearing your own voice recorded and played back is weird -- I'm not that squeaky am I?). Secondly, voice chat is unfiltered and I have two young children I would rather not have overhear, especially given some of the conversations that have gone on in chat before.

If you're not comfortable with voice chat, don't let yourself be pressured or bullied into it by anyone. Stand your ground and just tell them politely that you're not interested. They'll give up eventually.

My static group all use TS but only 4 of us talk regularly on it, our back up player is also chatty. The other 4 always play muted, but they listen and respond to us via /p chat. It works for us. ^^ A 5th player is slowly starting to talk on there too. I used to be the same, very shy of talking online voice chat. Just ease yourself in until you are comfortable. Or just listen and type. :3 If background sounds worry you, you can get mics with a mute button you can flip when not speaking or most voice chats have a push to talk feature. (Hold a key down when talking.)

Regarding the PS4/PC thing. We use TS, and any PS4 players use an iPad or laptop to join us on it.

Like many of the replies, I just listen in on the group chat & reply in the chat box where necessary. I have a strong accent to most people (it's barely existent compared to most Geordies) so it's far easier just to listen & type. After all, there's almost always one person who will dominate the voice chat during the duty (calling out moves etc) so it's not like an after dinner conversation.

I do the same. On all statics I have, I always use the chat, but I can hear what other says. No problem till now. YOu cannot force anyone to talk, and I aprreciate when they don't demand me that.

If you met me irl, I would probably be one of the most silent and introverted people you've ever met. You wouldn't be able to guess that based on how I speak on voice chats. It probably took me a good month or so of just listening to people talk on voice chat and replying to them with the in-game chat before I started to speak myself. I mean, look at me now, people requesting for me to call raids and actively taking a leading role when trying to work out kinks in progression content. I never thought I'd be doing what I do back when I started playing this game 2 and a half years ago. My point is, it comes with time if you're shy about it, a good start is to just listen to people and use the in-game chat to respond. I'm gonna second what Eight said, listen to people and get a feel for their personality and if you like being around them, maybe you'll talk, maybe you won't. I've wound up in PF parties with someone I do not like and that party is also using a voice chat and I'll usually go silent or just up and leave the party. Otherwise I'll be quiet for a bit until I've got a bit of a feel for what the people I'm in a party with are like.

Yep. My accent sucks terribly, even so nobody cares. As long as theyre able to understand me. Worst case, when they're not able to understand me I simply write.

So I wouldn't be anxious if I were you.

My girlfriend (before she was my girlfriend) was extremely shy and would make excuses to not join all the time. I told her about how much fun we had in TS and she joined and had a blast. We started dating a few weeks after that. We've been together for over a year and live together quite happily now.

Finally had time to edit this, so the point of my post was, in your own time you may consider giving it a try just to help facilitate friendly relations with your group. And worse comes to worst you can always just stay muted. The main reason voice chat is used in raiding is callouts

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Originally Posted by Lemuria

You know, if someone asked to 'call' me, I'd tell them they're crossing a boundary so I'm going to assume they meant VOIP. Honestly, for my part I hate using voice chat for two reasons. Firstly, I don't really identify with the voice I hear (seriously, hearing your own voice recorded and played back is weird -- I'm not that squeaky am I?). Secondly, voice chat is unfiltered and I have two young children I would rather not have overhear, especially given some of the conversations that have gone on in chat before.

If you're not comfortable with voice chat, don't let yourself be pressured or bullied into it by anyone. Stand your ground and just tell them politely that you're not interested. They'll give up eventually.

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TBH, you don't hear your own voice in voice chat (unless you've got bad echoing from someone, of course), but... The best response in your case would probably be, "Sorry, don't have a headset." ^^;


For OP (and the rest of you, of course ♥), there's so much good advice in this thread ^^ I have issues similar to social anxiety, except for me it's just that social interaction (especially with strangers) takes more energy than for most people due to body language dyslexia (aka Asperger's). Was misdiagnosed for a while with SAD, even though it was pretty clear to me that my issues weren't quite the same.
My experiences with TS started with having a personal server for just me and my flatmate, since we both play the game. While we sit in the same room, it's annoying to have to sit with one side of the headphones/headset off in order to be able to talk to each other, so... we tried out various kinds of voice chats till we found TS. Then... at some point we decided to invite one of our best friends into our private server.

Now, we regularly use it with our own FC, but those are people we've known for... over a year. We have one FC member who's muted 95% of the time (mainly due to people sleeping in his house) and others who have issues with getting microphones to work (or using phone app of TS, with bad reception). Of course, I have no way of knowing if those reasons really are the way they claim or if they just don't want to talk but don't know how to say it, but either way it's their decision. (On a random note, I also have allergy issues, so I frequently mute myself in order to blow my nose or cough or something... And then forget I muted myself. Hence the most common thing said in our voice sessions are "Cal, you're muted" xD since my flatmate hears me saying something outside of the headphones but not via voice chat.)

Regarding the PC/PS discussion, there's so far no app that exists to connect both types of players. Either the console players have to use a side application (via phone or laptop or something) to get PC chat, or the PC players have to start up their PS4 and enter into a party chat with the console people. We've done both, since we have some players on PS4, and some people who have both but play FFXIV on PC.

I suggest finding out which option the group you're looking at is using, then ask if you could go into voice chat with just one or two of them, and either say that you have social anxiety (so you'll be muted) and don't do well with lots of new people at once, or just say that you don't have a working microphone if you're not comfortable telling them straight out. Start ut slowly, like others have suggested. Most people I know would be okay with introducing people new to voice chat to it slowly, instead of jumping in at the deep end.
(Though, if you feel that the group would understand, the best option is to tell them you have social anxiety because that also opens up the possibility for you to tell them -- if it's something you think might happen -- that due to this you might need to drop out of voice chat unexpectedly to calm down.)

Good luck with finding a team who'll respect you and your issues ♥

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Originally Posted by WinterLuna

What helped me on Teamspeak was downloading an add on that changed my voice. Then they're not really listening to YOU. :)

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o_o There's add on to change your voice? I just knew this :eek: Is it only for Teamspeak?

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Originally Posted by Eul

o_o There's add on to change your voice? I just knew this :eek: Is it only for Teamspeak?

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There is! I don't remember the name of it unfortunately nor whether it's for Teamspeak only, but it had a couple of voice changers like high pitched, low pitched, robotic etc. I used to get a little feedback so I could hear the sound of my voice and I absolutely hated it so this helped amazingly. Just don't use a way too high pitched one and have everyone burst into laughter while you're raiding :p

Edit: I think it's called Clownfish plug in :)

For raid usually you really only need to be able to listen to instructions and call outs. I've met a lot of people who don't talk for various reasons (no mic, shy, sick, lots of background noise, etc) and type responses in-game, nobody thinks anything of it though as long as they're still in the voip and listening.

If you have a speech impediment or an accent (or both) you can request before-hand that nobody comments on them, should you choose to talk... although be prepared for those few who can't help but light-heartedly tease you a bit about it anyways. I stutter, and I'm also French and have issues with 'th' sounds (other sounds like udder, three sounds like tree, etc), sometimes people poke fun and while I know they're not trying to be mean, it still hurts. Just tell them firmly to stop, and hope they respect that.

... should your voice not match your preferred gender, however, you might have to never talk ever ever ever or get a voice changer, otherwise you will be misgendered forevermore because people will never listen to you when you say "I don't see myself as X because (valid reasons) so I would rather be referred to as (opposite gender pronoun)". Trust me on this.

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Originally Posted by raela

If they aren't ok with you typing back, they're jerks.

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I wouldn't quite go to that extreme, if there are mechanics in a fight that you are dealing with solo it's always helpful to call them out. For your team to want you to do that is hardly unreasonable.

But like a lot of people have said, just start with listening and maybe saying hello only. There are a lot of people who use TS for raiding and don't get involved in conversations but instead just callout what they need to and that's it. Usually when you're more comfortable with your surroundings you'll feel more willing to speak. As for this chat voice modifier thing, I'd probably avoid that. Yeah they won't hear your actual voice but it sounds like it would draw more attention to you, and I don't think that's what you're after.

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Originally Posted by Kabzy

for this chat voice modifier thing, I'd probably avoid that. Yeah they won't hear your actual voice but it sounds like it would draw more attention to you, and I don't think that's what you're after.

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Depends what kind of anxiety you have and what causes it. If it's just a fear of others hearing your voice or speaking, it works great. However if you're more afraid of conversing in general, I agree it's probably not the best idea. For me, it was just the voice part, as I have a pretty unique British accent and was speaking to Americans on a NA server. I would have stood out more without the voice changer.

You don't need to speak to anyone OP. In fact the beauty of this game is that you don't need anyone at all. Just log in and let the silence roll over you. Works for me.