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Yeah with a crap ton of people in FATES things don't load till later.
It's a damn nightmare as a CNJ/WHM though on PS3.
I feel your pain, I'm on leviathan also and will be transferring off as soon as I can (friends started here, but no longe)
However, I just wanted to point out that you should always expect a 2-4 wk "buffer" with new MMO's. I'm not defending SE, I've just been through this so many times and also worked in the gaming industry for years.
The good news is that I believe the server problem(s) will fix themselves before the end of that "buffer zone". They are introducing new servers this week, giving those frustrated enough a new place to go, and server transfers coming hopefully within 2 weeks, causing people like me to flee the server and not look back. If they do give a free transfer as compensation, this will help it even more, and even faster.
so while I feel your pain, I have yet to play with friends (or get on during a relativity "normal" hour), I don't think we'll be worrying about this come a month from now.
Some points to address:
1 - It is better to add servers in bulk than piecemeal them into the entry. (Ie adding 5-10 new servers / data center for characters at a time).
2 - The additional servers they are implementing 9/3-9/4 will include new servers for characters on each Data Center, and additional servers for Instances (Duty Finder).
3 - The EU HQ declined hosting the Datacenter, and therefore the NA branch got stuck handling double duty (EU and NA).
4 - You will be getting a free 7 days added after the servers are up.