Unable to log in AT ALL, launcher problems

I have only recently encountered this problem after the emergency maintenance. My client downloaded a patch before the launcher window was up. After putting in my password I get this:

"Checking Final Fantasy XIV: A Realm Reborn"

Then a pop up error window comes up:

"Unable to complete version check. [30410] [30607] [20457] [409]"

I have restarted my computer
I have uninstalled and reinstalled the launcher

NOTHING is working. I haven't found any FAQ or other forum posts about this. What's the deal