A Kaiva Short Story: Monster pt. 1
(This is a short story that I just thought up, broken into two parts. I tried to avoid as much spoilers as possible, but still, spoilers-beware. Also, keeping it as a short story because truth be told, I couldn't find another place to post this.)
(This is a non-profit, fan-based work. Final Fantasy, Final Fantasy XIV, and all characters within are registered trademarks of Square Enix Holdings Co,. Ltd.)
‘You and I are but one and the same…’
The words were like an endless chorus, repeating on and on, never giving her even the sweet embrace of sleep. They churned on and on, always at the back of her mind, always barely a whisper. Yet the way her blood heated at his words, at his truth, she could not willingly silence the words that she accepted into her heart.
‘…as friend and confidant…if you will accept me.’
The hours since then passed into days, and then into weeks. Few had seen the infallible she’d portrayed, only the Warrior of Light who willingly marched into every adventure with vigor and determination. But Kaiva wasn’t infallible. ‘Twas only a mask she let most of the world see, while her thoughts continued to fracture. She was aware that she’d been standing still for some time. The scythe, her preferred choice of blade when prowling as a dark knight, felt heavier than usual. The rain had softened to light sprinkles, but it wouldn’t help her now drenched coat.
“..va?”
Something out in the real world, a voice that vibrated through the Xaela’s horns, tried to grab her attention. But the words – the magic in the words that man spoke would not relinquish their hold on her. Deny, deny, deny, she told herself back then. Deny it, for it cannot be true, she wished she could say. But her heart sang in happiness, for there was someone out there who understood it. Even as her mind screamed to deny it, she answered his question with a yes.
‘..e you listening? Kaiva!”
Again, that ringing vibration!
What did it want? Why did it have to come and bother her now? Kaiva didn’t understand, couldn’t comprehend why she accepted his words. He had to perish, for he was a monster. Yet, the monster understood her. He was joyous at her will to fight, at her growing strength. It wasn’t fear, or envy, or hatred, or anger that she felt in their clash – it was pure joy. Even as he took his last breath, she gave a monster joy – the same joy she had received in battle.
“Kaiva!”
Kaiva’s senses snapped back to the real world. The sudden smell that washed through the cloudy night sky, a strong smell of lubricants and rain mixed together, filled her nose with a rush so powerful that it nearly choked her. Eyes of a golden orange, layered by a glow that was only slightly brighter than her pupils, gaped open, as if she were awoken from a sudden dream. All the sights and sounds and smells rushed to the forefront of her thoughts in an instant.
“Kaiva!”
That voice went again, but now the Warrior of Light was aware of her sense of touch. Something was tugging – no, holding up her hand. Lifting. Pulling…something away weakly? Kaiva didn’t understand, but how long had she’d been fixated on the steps in Idllyshire?
‘Accept me…’
The chorus sounded again. And this time, it was no longer a whisper. Foolish, she felt words from deep in her mind, the voices emanating from a darker place that she once repressed. The criticism had been condescending, and quite infuriating. A hot pressure started in her chest, flames of anger spreading through to the nerves of her arm.
She couldn’t lie.
No, of all the things that she could do, Kaiva couldn’t deny he was wrong.
‘Accept me…’
“Shut up!”
Kaiva’s voice vibrated through even her own horns, and she snatched away her limb that was being pulled. She had forgotten that she was holding something, a small folded…journal? She thought she saw joyous little stickers on it as the bound object slipped from her grasp. Exposed fully into the puddles on the stairs, the journal bounced into a puddle before sliding off a pair of steps away. They made an unusually loud thud that sounded an awful lot like a slap against the floor.
Her eyes ran across the hard binding that not even the puddle could discolor. There were more of those stickers. A pretzel, a cactuar, even a cake and…
Saliva caught in her throat. Thoughts that had for weeks tormented her mind vanished in an instant, replaced by a terrible thought. She turned on her heels and saw it then. A small Miqo’te girl had just gotten to her feet, but her clothes were wet and dirty. Surely she had some physical pain, but those weren’t what Kaiva saw.
The child and the hero that was worshipped stared in horror at each other – one for shock and fear, and the other for regret and despair. The anger that had exploded in annoyance cooled, leaving Kaiva with only her words.
“Khloe, I’m sor- wait, I’m sorry!”
The little girl didn’t whimper or cry a single sound. Yet somehow, that hurt even more. Every step this child took was like a dagger to the chest. Khloe’s journal, soaking in the puddle, was surely losing the ink that Kaiva had spent hours etching onto the pages. Whatever words she could offer the little girl would fall on deaf ears.
Monster…
Maybe there was a ring of truth to that thought – perhaps that little girl saw her as a monster, just as the people saw him as a monster. But monsters didn’t feel bad like Kaiva did, right?
Right?