How not to be a mentor

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Originally Posted by Saraide

You could smell the truth from a mile away here but dear lord, it's even worse than that. OP is a mentor btw. We really do need clearing of a current EX trial as mentor requirement atleast at this point.

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looking at her account it's highly unlikely she is a battle mentor. Perhaps a crafting one, but then again, what do I know?

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Originally Posted by Yoshihara

This entire thread highlights an unsolvable problem.

Let's sum up the events:
OP claims they were harassed by a mentor, with the intent to portray the mentor, even if not named, in a negative light.
Instance: Lvl 100 repeated casual content
Claim: "They were DPSing when they felt it was safe to do so, Mentor gave me a horrible experience by suggesting I wasn't"

Later on in thread:
Several players find evidence through illegal means that shouldn't be discussed or brought up publicly that the OP was lying, and has proof that they do in fact, do not press any DPS buttons whatsoever in lvl 100 content.
However this evidence despite being factual, should not be public knowledge

We are stuck with a dilemma here that consistently plagues the community:
Player comes on to forums to claim of a toxic experience that is a wild stretch of the truth and paints the community in a negative light, and lies about their account of what happened. In fact the OP has tagged this thread "mentor abuse".
We shouldn't have evidence that they lied, and the very fact that the evidence was brought up is toxic in itself, but it's there and it exists, and the fact that evidence exists exonerates the anonymous mentor and damns the OP, but the fact the evidence exists and we're checking it because some of us are so used to stories like these being a fabrication of the truth is damning in itself.

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No, there is no unsolvable problem. What happened was that the OP was fundamentally dishonest. Even without the impressive (in the most negative sense imaginable) logs, the initial post and the follow up were all obviously dishonest to fit the OP's narrative. Notice how there are essentially no specifics actually describing what happened, only the already filtered evaluation of the mentor's behavior. When dealing with narcissists, this whole behavior is known as "the missing missing reasons". This whole "benefit of the doubt" was completely misplaced, because if the mentor in question had actually been rude, you can be sure that the OP would have listed the mentor's expression word for word. Probably even a screenshot of the conversation itself. But I suspect that the word "please" came up a bit more often than the OP would have liked, so here we are.

I will also say that I know from experience people in this game are notoriously averse to advice and feedback, here's a situation that happened not too long ago:

I was leveling GNB, and got Akadaemia Anyder on roulette, party was me, an AST, and two DNC, halfway into the last pull, the Healer DCs, and we wait a bit for them, the entire time, the DNC had Dance Partnered each other, and since I main DNC and know the ins and outs of the job pretty well, I bring it up, I forget the exact words but I remember the tone, so paraphrased "By the way, you shouldn't Dance Partner another DNC, the buff doesn't stack with itself even from different sources, so if there are two DNC in a dungeon, it's best to Partner the Tank and Healer so the buff at least is going somewhere.".

I get complete radio silence from that, even though I felt I was pretty passive in how I phrased it, and decide to not push the issue, Healer comes back, and we start the fight, about 40%, everyone but me dies, so I go in chat "Should I wipe?", and immediately they respond "Nah, just clear if you can", and well, I have a stockpile of Hyper-Potions specifically for such situations, and I am able to clear the boss without trouble thanks to a couple potions even if it took a bit, but it stuck to me how they deliberately ignored the previous advice since they were obviously reading chat, it wasn't a situation where it was worth getting upset or even annoyed over, just notable enough to commit to memory.

This is why I raise an eyebrow when someone starts complaining about advice, my situation was one where they didn't respond at all, but I have seen so many over the years where people will snap back to the gentlest advice, it especially bugs me because I have benefited from such unsolicited advice before, when I started playing I was an absolute Curebot WHM, spamming Cure 2 and keeping full Regen/Medica II uptime, it wasn't until a run of Castrum Merid where the Tank went "By the way you don't need to heal me so much, I can stay alive, just use Holy when you can", and I was able to immediately internalize the advice and improve, so I tend to find it disheartening when someone is so quick to shoot down advice given by others, even if completely unsolicited, and much as OP claims have been doing otherwise, we do have solid evidence of how they play the game in content that is completely casual, so it doesn't come off as if the advice was truly needless.

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Originally Posted by VeyaAkemi

I will also say that I know from experience people in this game are notoriously averse to advice and feedback, here's a situation that happened not too long ago:

I was leveling GNB, and got Akadaemia Anyder on roulette, party was me, an AST, and two DNC, halfway into the last pull, the Healer DCs, and we wait a bit for them, the entire time, the DNC had Dance Partnered each other, and since I main DNC and know the ins and outs of the job pretty well, I bring it up, I forget the exact words but I remember the tone, so paraphrased "By the way, you shouldn't Dance Partner another DNC, the buff doesn't stack with itself even from different sources, so if there are two DNC in a dungeon, it's best to Partner the Tank and Healer so the buff at least is going somewhere.".

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The perfect example of a terrible advice. Since I have also main-ed DNC for a while now, allow me to teach you further.

The quote is directly taken from the balance discord since it discusses in depth each point.

Do dancer buffs stack? Should I partner another dancer? Do buffs apply to pets?
Standard Finish:
The standard finish buffs will stack if the partner icons appear different. This means that if two dancers partner each other, their buffs will stack.
The standard finish buffs will not stack if the partner icons are the same. This means that a player who has been partnered by multiple dancers will only receive one buff.

Technical Finish:
The damage buff will not stack, and subsequent techs will simply refresh the buff.
The esprit buff will stack, meaning that a dancer who has their technical step overwritten by another dancer will still receive increased esprit for the full duration.

Devilment:
The buff will not stack, and subsequent devilments will simply refresh the buff.

Pets:
All dancer buffs apply to pets/summons.

In conclusion:
For 4 man dungeons with two dancers, unless the other dancer is severely underperforming, you should partner the other dancer.
In content with multiple dancers, you should ideally try to stagger technical window timings so that you do not overwrite each others buffs.

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Originally Posted by VeyaAkemi

I will also say that I know from experience people in this game are notoriously averse to advice and feedback, here's a situation that happened not too long ago:

I was leveling GNB, and got Akadaemia Anyder on roulette, party was me, an AST, and two DNC, halfway into the last pull, the Healer DCs, and we wait a bit for them, the entire time, the DNC had Dance Partnered each other, and since I main DNC and know the ins and outs of the job pretty well, I bring it up, I forget the exact words but I remember the tone, so paraphrased "By the way, you shouldn't Dance Partner another DNC, the buff doesn't stack with itself even from different sources, so if there are two DNC in a dungeon, it's best to Partner the Tank and Healer so the buff at least is going somewhere.".

I get complete radio silence from that, even though I felt I was pretty passive in how I phrased it, and decide to not push the issue, Healer comes back, and we start the fight, about 40%, everyone but me dies, so I go in chat "Should I wipe?", and immediately they respond "Nah, just clear if you can", and well, I have a stockpile of Hyper-Potions specifically for such situations, and I am able to clear the boss without trouble thanks to a couple potions even if it took a bit, but it stuck to me how they deliberately ignored the previous advice since they were obviously reading chat, it wasn't a situation where it was worth getting upset or even annoyed over, just notable enough to commit to memory.

This is why I raise an eyebrow when someone starts complaining about advice, my situation was one where they didn't respond at all, but I have seen so many over the years where people will snap back to the gentlest advice, it especially bugs me because I have benefited from such unsolicited advice before, when I started playing I was an absolute Curebot WHM, spamming Cure 2 and keeping full Regen/Medica II uptime, it wasn't until a run of Castrum Merid where the Tank went "By the way you don't need to heal me so much, I can stay alive, just use Holy when you can", and I was able to immediately internalize the advice and improve, so I tend to find it disheartening when someone is so quick to shoot down advice given by others, even if completely unsolicited, and much as OP claims have been doing otherwise, we do have solid evidence of how they play the game in content that is completely casual, so it doesn't come off as if the advice was truly needless.

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I would also ignore blatantly wrong advice

Dance partner does stack in that you can have one dance partner and one closed position (the buff on the dancer) you can’t have two of the same but you can have one of both

So yes double dancer partner each other

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Originally Posted by Kohashi

The perfect example of a terrible advice.

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If that's the case, I have been misinformed by multiple people for years, and I apologize for perpetuating the bad game of telephone, but I was more focused on the lack of response, if they had responded "No really, check this <guide source>", I would've then and have stood corrected, but that didn't happen, there was no communication whatsoever.

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Originally Posted by VeyaAkemi

If that's the case, I have been misinformed by multiple people for years, and I apologize for perpetuating the bad game of telephone, but I was more focused on the lack of response, if they had responded "No really, check this <guide source>", I would've then and have stood corrected, but that didn't happen, there was no communication whatsoever.

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That was the case before, however, the DNC has been changed and this is valid for a while now (2 years at this point).

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Originally Posted by VeyaAkemi

If that's the case, I have been misinformed by multiple people for years, and I apologize for perpetuating the bad game of telephone, but I was more focused on the lack of response, if they had responded "No really, check this <guide source>", I would've then and have stood corrected, but that didn't happen, there was no communication whatsoever.

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Why would they? 90% chance the person would double down and start arguing, just like this OP has been gaslighting us about the mentor that dared correct them.

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Originally Posted by Kohashi

EDIT: Never mind... I just saw they did 0 damage. I don't think I ever saw anyone doing 0 dps, not even a damn dot. The audacity to play the victim.

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In this situation, complaining about a level 100 "wait for something to heal and otherwise do nothing" player is understandable.

I took their fact pattern at face value but it turns out it just wasn't honest at all.

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Originally Posted by Kohashi

That was the case before, however, the DNC has been changed and this is valid for a while now (2 years at this point).

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Ah, so it is a pre-pull Doton situation where it used to work a specific way, and now it doesn't anymore, so the old information got stuck around?

...or is the Doton thing something I been wrong this entire time about too? now I am legitimately questioning everything I know, the way I understood it, is that since using Hide will reset your Jutsu charges, you'd place Doton immediately before pull, Hide, and leave the Doton there for the boss to be pulled over temporarily, and you'd get an extra chunk of damage for basically free, but then they made Hide also dispel Doton, and it is no longer the case, but you still get NIN who insist in using their first Jutsu charge in a fight on Doton, even after the boss has been pulled.

But see what I mean though? I was wrong about something, I have been corrected, and now I will be a better player moving forward, this is what I want to happen in game advice, this is what has happened to me multiple times, and we absolutely had time for a brief conversation in that dungeon, the Healer took a few more minutes to come back, if they had pointed it to me, I'd have checked it up after the dungeon, and have done this small bit of improvement a month sooner.

I guess I should make it clear, I want everyone to be open for advice and discussion over those things, outdated and wrong information gets passed around all the time as well, it's best if we discuss it.

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Originally Posted by Ath192

Why would they? 90% chance the person would double down and start arguing, just like this OP has been gaslighting us about the mentor that dared correct them.

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I would rather people not go through their lives assuming the worst out of others, regardless how "likely" it is that they are going to be irrational.