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You're right people aren't born tempered to primals, but the Ascians have a further step where they use the soul crystals that instill past memories to raise you up to an Ascian. If Ascians are tempered to Zodiark, as Emet said, then this is most logical place the "tempering" happens.
To give memories yes, we're never told this changes the very nature of their souls like tempering does. In fact it's not even their own memories, it's memories the Unsundered had of them, so I really don't see how they could be tempered just by using that to awaken memories. Again, it appears from both Mitron and Gaia this isn't the case.
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Also, when Emet helps the WOL with the Elidibus fight, it's for the sake of Elidibus, not the WOL. Emet once mused what Elidibus would be like when he was gone and that it would be a bad time for him. Emet wants his friend to find rest, not repeat the crazy primal mind washing without the unsundered's guidence. Which really isn't against Zodiark, as one of the other remaining Ascians can get the rejoining, genocide the world population and resurrect Emet and Elidibus as per the original plan.
This is some really extreme mental gymnastics to try and avoid the fact that Emet saved the life of Hydaelyn's champion and one of Zodiark's biggest enemies so that you could defeat Zodiark's last remaining primary servant and his once-heart. It's all well and good that Emet was doing it to end the suffering of his friend but that doesn't change the fact that he was acting directly against Zodiark. You can't just say he was able to think "well whatever someone else will do it" and so suddenly he remains tempered but it doesn't affect his choices or actions at all, that just renders tempering completely irrelevant from the outset as long as someone can vaguely justify something in their head.
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The echo lets the WOL cross back and forth between shards. If Ryne had the echo like Minfillia, then she would be capable of the same thing, even if the summoning spell was needed in the first place. They purposefully didn't give Ryne Minfillia's echo so they didn't have to explore the plot point of her wanting to go the source with the other Scions.
WoL can cross back and forth because G'raha summoned him. Cylva and Unukalhai can cross because they're effectively bodiless spirits like the Ascians. Gaia can potentially cross but she'd need to lose her flesh in the process like the WoDs and Ascians, the same as Ryne would even if she were to have the Echo.