About: Dungeon "anxiety", Being afraid of failing or getting back into the game

Reading about this stuff Kusakabe, about you and others, it suddenly dawned on me why some of you have this issue.

You probably REALLY give a crap about what others think of you, and if it isn't positive it really bothers you sometimes to the point of obsession.

I can understand this, when I was young I thought the same way when having interactions of various kinds with people. It REALLY bothered me if someone gave negative thoughts about me and it made me feel like crap.

But you know what? As I got older I beat my shyness, learned how to be social and make friends. I also learned how to control that feeling and twist it. I learned that what others thought of me did not make ONE lick of difference and how to simply NOT care.

When I learned that skill, it was AMAZING how much control I have over social encounters now, taking away others potential power over me and my emotions. They can say anything and it simply does not affect me, because their opinion does not matter in the slightest. If it's positive, it's positive and if it's negative, it's negative; oh well, no one is perfect.

If I suck at something, I suck, DEAL with it. If you don't like how I look or act, DEAL with it. And if they don't want to, well they are free to leave my presence.

I know achieving that state of mind can be very hard, but it is SUCH a liberating feeling when you do, when you can be yourself and LIKE how you are no matter what the situation.

And you know what? When you have the confidence to do that, others SEE that confidence and start to like you, accepting you for you who are, warts and all.

I am not perfect in the slightest, but despite that, I have many friends who like my annoying ass self ANYWAY. ;-)

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Originally Posted by Sakuraluna

I can definitely understand anyone who has dungeon anxiety. I have a very hard time joining things through both df and pf without friends.

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I’m the same way. I never go into any trial/raid/dungeon for the first time without my partner with me. I’m only confident enough to do content solo when I’m familiar with it, and even then I’m playing a dps 95% of the time. I don’t know why I get so nervous as no other game made me anxious to group up and do things.

This was me about three months ago... more or less. And two months ago, when I decided to finally finish up running through the Alliance raids, and such... (Still working on Binding Coils)
Only way to fix it I could figure... is to do one of three things. One: Recognize that you're only human, and assume you'll screw it up and just learn from anything that happens wrong.
Or, Two... Spend time on Youtube and rewatch any strat vids on each dungeon. ... Or, Three... Just say "Man, been a while since I was here..." and clue your duty mates in that it's going to be
a bumpy ride. Most people I've seen have been chill with my lack of memory on certain places.

Is this whole thing about "tank-anxiety", "dungeon-anxiety", heal-anxiety",... a modern new trend now?
Saw posts and threads like this more often in the last few weeks, but this never was a big thing like a year ago

Maybe you guys should play single player games, if you don't like to play with others?
It's just a game, you won't die in RL, if you die in a Dungeon o:
There is nothing bad about failing, just learn from it

I don't know if it really matches with your post (it doesn't most likely), but maybe my thoughts about my past experience will somehow help you to make any conclusions.

I remember how I dropped playing Tank in FF14 about 5 years ago now. It was my main role since I came to MMO 11 years ago, and I dropped it because when I reached Garuda Extreme, I went there with my FC and there was a Bard with 90 ilvl when I (Paladin back then) was 57 ilvl. He pulled earlier than me every try and I was unable to take boss back to me because of his overgear and my inexpirience in this specific game and also because of being nervous since it was my first run. In the end this Bard called me shitty player and left because I "wasted his precious time". I wasn't even that bad at playing Tank, it's not my fault that he is a jerk, but I was unsettled. Is it a silly reason for stop playing a role? It is, I suppose, but it was enough for me back then and I feel that's one of the main reason why so many players don't want to main Tanks - people tend to blame you for eveything even when problem is not really in you just because you play "responsible role". It is quite the same for Healers.

For next few years I played only DPS jobs, Bard (kind of irony, isn't it?) until HW and Ninja and Dragoon in HW untill SB pre-expansion period. I never even really enjoyed being a DPS, but was not ready to play as Tank again and I'm not into healing. I saw so much really bad Tanks during that DPS period. Every time I dealt with them I asked myself "Was I that bad?" and compared, compared, compared. It's actually a very bad habit to compare yourself with other people, but in this particular case it helped me. I felt jealous. Tones of people played like shit but enjoyed the game and didn't care what other people tell them. Why I wasn't able to?

I do not really support "You don't pay my sub" position, but sometimes it's a good way to deal with other players because some of them somehow think that if you don't pay for them it means they can treat you like a garbarge as if they pay for you and you should be grateful (which is a complete nonsense). That what I realised in this community when I played DPS - the role that never suited me but still teached me one important thing: no matter how much you will try to do you your best - there will be a jerk who will find one little flaw and will try to crush you for it just because he want to feel like he's a God here (he is not, of course).

With realising that I returned to play as Paladin in SB pre-exp period because there were no sense to hide from things anymore. I felt better because I returned to the role I love, but something still was wrong. The main issue that Paladin was not my job anymore and did not suit my personality. And well, also lifted up my past failure again and again in my memories. In SB I started to play as Warrior and that's finally became my salvation (or started to be it). Fierce, free, alive - that's how you feel when you play as Warrior if this job suits you. I still felt anxiouty though and was tend to learn guides for dungeons until the moment I would be able to tell the battle with closed eyes which was really useless because I'm not theory-learner player, guide means nothing to me until I feel things by myself. Still, I played like this until almost recently because it was better than not playing at all.

Few months ago there were few guys in Novice Network who wanted to close Garuda Extreme in sync to experience old content in proper way. I came with them as Warrior. After a long time I was at the point when everything went wrong and it was kind of important moment. We wiped once, but second run was very smooth and I probably never felt better than this moment. I suppose it is something you can call "close your gestalt". I was so much relieved that I cried: I was able to do this fucking run as Tank even if it took 5 years for me. It was as if mountain finally dropped from my shoulders. And after this all became so much easier: there is no anxious since then. I don't even need quides anymore, I just go and do things blindly with my own sense of battle. Am I perfect Tank? No I am not, because no one is perfect, but I know that I am not bad either - I saw bad Tanks, and I'm not one of those.

Wipes? Okay, who cares, we will learn until moment of success and will feel incredibly good when this moment will come.
Somebody whines about my way of playing with weird "advices"? Opening search info. Ah, you don't even have that role leveled... Eat your tongue then and shut up, please, care about your own role and about your mistakes. I will deal with mines by myself, I can do it, thank you.
I "waste your precious time"? You waste mine right now, too.
Somebody fails in their job again and again? Happens, you will learn by practice.
Somebody sucks as Tank when I somehow end up as other role in roulette? No problem, I can deal with it, world will not crush if I'll spend 15 mins more in this dungeon.
They ask for advice? Sure, your welcome, do this and this, maybe it will help.
Threat somebody as shit because they play worse than others? Never. We all were there at this start point. Screaming "are you dumb or what play better you lazy!" does not make you elite, it makes you a moron.

My friends say that I am best Tank they saw and well, I think they exaggerate it, but they also said that they like my attitude as Tank and my way of acting with other players. They say I'm harsh but still respectfull, which sounds a bit weird for me, but if they think so and like me for this - then I'm glad. From the person who dropped the role because of somebody's opinion I became the one who never will drop it again because I don't care for others' expectations anymore. I love being Tank - I am Tank. It was the result of long-term mental development, after all.

This bunch of text was written mostly for myself I feel as kind of therapy, but if my story helps you in any way - I will be glad. I don't want to see how players drop their roles and stop trying do things because of fear to make a mistake. Do these mistakes, learn by them, and enjoy your development, please. Thanks.

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- Is it really all good?

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Yeah, you stress yourself much more than you should. It's ok to feel nervous before entering a party with people you don't know, and it's ok to feel a bit insecure about your skills after a break from the game. They probably don't care about the dungeon that much anyway, so it's really just you who's being so hard on himself.

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- Is it me with a wrong view on the whole matter?

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'Wrong' is a strong word, but I wouldn't recommend it to anyone. You need to be a bit easier on yourself.

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- Am I talking about the devil so he shows up - but only in my mind while the actual situation in-game is far, far more relaxed?

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Exactly.

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- What is your threshold of bad play(ers)?

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I'm new myself and let me tell you - people really don't care if you play bad. I was in a light party in a really hard dungeon (The Keeper Of The Lake) for first-timers, and we had to re-do the final boss 7 times. Sometimes because of me, the healer, sometimes for other reasons. But no one got mad or upset with me, people realize that not everyone has the skills of an Asian. And it's perfectly fine to not be the best.

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- What would you expect from a freshling like me when we meet in a dungeon?

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Nothing, just don't be a toxic player and we're good.

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- How do you handle this / people like me? Or do you have any good advices for a Stormblood owner that is actually right after ARR? I am lost both in-game and stuck with this "fear"!

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I'm in the same situation as you, but if I was a veteran or finished the MQS completely, I wouldn't mind if you were not the best. No one is the best, and if someone is being toxic towards you at any point, he's only making a fool out of himself.

Happy gaming ♥

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Originally Posted by MrKusakabe

Just like with the first invite, the reason why I am very so-and-so about that is that I'd like to lose my training wheels first. If there is a specific dungeon I keep failing at, I'd come back to your offer for sure. But right now, I need more of a kick in my butt. If I go with relaxing groups, I basically do not tackle the main issue. I just cover up my mental problem with make-up, but eventually, I have to go with all randoms, and then I am here again. I hope you get what I try to say.

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I guess it can depend on the player.

When I started FF I ran all my dungeons in relaxed groups with FC. Soon I started feeling, "hey dungeons aren't as bad as I feared". Seeing others can make mistakes, seeing that I didn't die on every boss. Eventually there were times when the relaxed group wasn't available and I wanted to go further, so I pugged. It went fine, but I could have done better. I knew I could improve and wanted to show myself I could do better, so I went in again. I naturally kept pushing myself forward.

Nowadays dungeons still give me anxiety since I tend to be self critical and focus a lot on whether I'm contributing to the group, but I can run them fine. I've been pugging my way through EX trials and enjoying it. You have to start somewhere though. Running a dungeon with friends is far better than no dungeon and if you want to improve as a player the only way you do that is by running the content.

There is NO need to be anxious. The truth is this is a pretty laid back game community nothing like LoL, GW2, WoW etc and so on. If you spend any amount of time on these forums you may get the impression that everyone is going to jump you for making the smallest mistake. I'm here to tell you they are a small fraction of the player base.

Will you sometimes get a jerk? Sure! Will you make mistakes and stand in the bad? you betcha! Will you run away every time a DRK casts salted earth because you think its bad? I still do!

Just relax, don't over think it or over analyze it. Stay away from Ex Trials and Savage raids till you are ready the game DOES change then and some people can become more unforgiving ( rightfully so)


Side note: You're room is cute!

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Originally Posted by VanityKaiser

i never understood dungeon anxiety either. maybe its becuz im really alpha and radiate confidence at all times???

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That hair makes the Roes swoon.

True Alpha!!!

I get dungeon anxiety only when I tank somewhere I am not comfortable with with people I don't know. I think it stems from not wanting to let everyone else down.
Did I pull too big? Did I pull too small? Which way do we go? ack i'm losing aggro... Am I using CD properly? Yikes I a missed part of the mob. etc etc.
That said this is all self-inflicted. I haven't had any negative comments in recent memory.
So I'll just continue on.