(Rant Post) Why Does It Feel Like Giving Advice Is Evil?

I can see many reasons why some might bristle at getting unsolicited advice, and some of those I can understand. You've essentially got some stranger coming up to you and telling you you're doing something wrong in front of between 2 and 22 other people. Of course that's going to make some people uncomfortable. You don't know them, and they don't know you. Are you being genuinely helpful, or are you just some pretentious know-it-all flexing your own ego? How would they know? Also, why are they failing? Is it assumed that everyone who screws up is just not trying hard enough or just didn't study hard enough? That may be the most likely possibility, but do you really know?

I've personally never had anyone snap at me over giving advice, which I think has a lot to do with my approach and how I word things. As others have said, tone and intent are quite challenging to figure out with text. There are definitely ways you can word things to make them not sound like an attack.

Another thing, I think a lot who have complained about this topic do not realize how they come across. There are a couple of posters who spring to mind who have questioned why someone got on their case after giving advice, even though they swore it was nice! To me, they always come off like short-tempered teenagers on the forums who start raging at the drop of a hat, and so if they handled their advice in the same manner? No wonder someone got pissy with them.

Perhaps I've just been lucky and have not run into that person who is ready to snap, perhaps my time will come. However, if someone is constantly getting yelled at over giving advice, it may be time to reevaluate how you are giving that advice.

I main drg and you or anyone else had every right to tell that guy about using those skills, or even kick him for not using them. Those two skills are main components to our rotation.

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Originally Posted by Skivvy

it may be time to reevaluate how you are giving that advice.

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You only have to read a few of the posts here to see why people don't appreciate their "advice".


first, they have started in the mood for a fight. second, they have demands and orders, not advice or suggestions.



and lastly, they assume everyone has the same bad attitude they do, everyone else is quite obviously inferior, and that anything anyone else contributes (even a complement) is worth nothing.

I go with the following approach every time I see the New Player notification at the beginning of DF content.
If the person says "Hi, first time here, I need advise." - the door is open for any explanation, mechanics or skills.
If the person says "Hi, first time here." - the door is open for any mechanics explanation.
If the person says "Hi" or nothing - the door is closed until we wipe. Or, that player repeatedly dies to a mechanic.

I tend to not say much, unless people ask for advice/help(most of the time when I enter a mentor roulette - unless it's a guildhest that needs no explaining - I will state that if they want help, just let me know and I will be glad to help, otherwise I keep quiet unless we wipe too many times - which is hard when I do my mentor roulettes as an AST anyway). Most of the time people like to go in blind, and figure things out for themselves. If I see them constantly messing something up, I will ask if they want pointer/tips, and if they don't respond/say they don't, then that's that, and I will leave them dead(if I'm able to res) so they can watch the fight and get an idea of the mechanics(only after multiple deaths in the same fight though).

Is it really that surprising? It's no different than walking up to a stranger in the real world and saying, "You know, if you did it this way you ...". You may get a positive response, or you may get a negative one. It's usually more of the latter, though, and I wouldn't blame them one bit. Unless I am seeking advice, I very rarely want any one else's input. Quite honestly, unsolicited advice does border on rudeness.

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Originally Posted by Eli85

Quite honestly, unsolicited advice does border on rudeness.

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Unsolicited advice happens when you are incompetent at your job. Easiest way to avoid these occurrences is to be competent.

Being dead weight and causing wipes thus wasting time and effort is a hell of a lot more rude than being told what to do.

I've given up on giving any advice to randoms. Unless we can't clear the conten because of them, I'm just goi to ignore that BLM spamming Freeze, it's not like I'll have to deal with them again.
Besides, when you do give advice you either get insulted for being an "elitist" or just straight out ignored.

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Originally Posted by Crystal_Raven

Unsolicited advice happens when you are incompetent at your job. Easiest way to avoid these occurrences is to be competent.

Being dead weight and causing wipes thus wasting time and effort is a hell of a lot more rude than being told what to do.

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Everyone learns at their own pace and in their own way. And then on top of that you will always have varying degrees of skill when grouped with random people. I highly doubt most people aim to be as horrible as possible in their jobs.

If you go into an encounter and instantly have a chip on your shoulder towards those less skilled, you're setting yourself up for a bad time (and probably the poor saps stuck with you).

If you want perfect runs, make your own static and do everything with them. Otherwise learn to adapt and be civil to your fellow players.