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I agree that there are instances where DPS should pull for example where mobs are in a position that if the tank attempts to get close to pull they will aggro other mobs etc...
But when I sat watching DPS just run about pulling what they want and the tank is still finishing the last mob off (by now single handed) and even asks the DPS what they are doing and they are ignored then that is just senseless.
Hopefully the new votekick function will help iron out this kind of behaviours who knows!
One trick I learned LONG AGO in WoW whenever I was on my healers, or a rare moment as a DPS. I'd mark the tank.
There are a series of shape marks in this game that seem to have no purpose... I've begun putting the 'Square' one on tanks when on my "alt" that is leveling into healing.
I have the marking system on keybinds... so I can do this very quickly, and I've usually got the tank marked before we even move out from the loading spot.
Its silly, but its just one more visual cue to people that the 'Square' in the group is doing something different than the rest of us.
If you can't remember the name of the tank... I don't know. Even in raid size groups you should be familiar enough or be able to remember which name to click on. Personally, it's never been an issue for me. Even if I forget the name, there is always the class icon...
I'd add that if, as DPS or healer, you do accidentally catch the attention of the boss, don't kite it around and around the room. The tank can't get it off of you until he/she can catch up to it.
I had that happen the other night in Sastasha while playing my gladiator alt (my first time tanking in this game). The final boss fight started off with a rather long period of just chasing each other in circles. Once I finally managed to get close enough to get a couple attacks in, it only took a couple attacks and a flash to get the boss turned towards me like he belonged, and after that everyone settled down into their proper roles. The rest of the fight went really smooth, but that chase it started out with was both funny and frustrating at once.
(This rule applies mainly to boss fights. If instead, there are lots of enemies and a couple are on you while the tank is busy with several others, kiting can sometimes be a valid delay tactic. Just be careful where you run to.)