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While it's probably fair to say that the internet tends to bring out the worst in people, that's hardly the sum of it. People tend to be toxic when there's anonymity and no consequences...in addition, I've found PVP oriented players tend to be the worst.
NN was one of those "sounds good on paper" but they forgot that people in power are jerks. NN needs a GM.
However my faith in moderation of any kind in FFXIV is...non existent. I do not trust them to do anything but the barest of minimums.
I'm honestly sorry to hear you've gone through things like that. Honestly one bad mentor and a sycophant or two can ruin the whole experience.
Our NN has been pretty good for the last couple years (been in NN I guess seven or eight years now?). We've had problems but nothing as uncomfortable as of late. Honestly lately I'm having trouble as to how to handle it. I'm no prude but everything said in our NN that gets a rebuke by anyone gets told, it's just NN "After Dark". Two days ago there was a comment about putting a paper bag over someone's head. Then a coy remark about making it a plastic bag. It honestly doesn't feel like a safe space anymore and it's hard to report people who aren't talking to you specifically.
I won't invite people to our NN anymore because I no longer feel like it's appropriate. I almost wonder if they should keep someone on the payroll to occasionally check chats (rotating servers) to make sure it is appropriate enough and watch for bad players. They become obvious over time.
I am unsubbing NN after years of service. With my own personal health issues, it's a burden I can no longer carry.