Social Anxiety

I hate socializing with people and it takes me time to get comfortable with people I selectively like so I can sympathize with people with social anxiety. It's especially hard when you enjoy a MMO but don't have much energy to deal with people. I personally choose those I wish to become friends with for a long time. Not some fleeting fancy for a month or two. I prefer to establish strong connections of comradeship and friendship. Which is rare to come by.

And I'd rather discuss things people are interested in rather then waste their time.

When I was new to the game (3 month of playtime or so), I had this same feeling.
I refused to queue for anykind of content alone because I was scared of failing and being insulted.
I watched guides a lot before coming in new trials and raid or even dungeon because I didn't want to be a burden, that was too much for me.
I even sometimes quit some instance when I failed because I felt ashamed and was scary of what the other might think.

But then, with more playtime and more self confidence in my gameplay, I began to totally loose this feeling and I felt better.
I tried to read and watch some guides on my class, train in easy content to get confidence in myself. I also realized that there were as good as bad people everywhere, so waiting for my friends wouldn't help me to be opened to others.

This is a game and we're here to have fun so,I just began to be myself, share some good times with people who wanted to and just ignore the rest.

I've dealt with anxiety (with a heaping helping of depression) most of my life. I was never able to make friends in school and still can't as an adult. But to a stranger, who sees me online or playing MMOs...they may not realize that. Because I get very chatty most of the time and want to hang out. I'm an officer in my free company. Not that I haven't had problems with it online either. Sometimes I just get really withdrawn or I get aggravated with people for no reason, or say something stupid, and I get embarrassed and kind of just run away. So you're definitely not alone. But everyone experiences it in a different way.

I was scared when I first started playing this game even though I'd been playing WoW for 12 years. It took me 2 months to join an FC that I never talked in and even longer to start making friends. One of my friends from WoW told me to come to Balmung and that's when I finally started getting social in this game. Now I'm in an FC with people I love to be around. But it took a while.

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Originally Posted by Elamys

I was scared when I first started playing this game even though I'd been playing WoW for 12 years. It took me 2 months to join an FC that I never talked in and even longer to start making friends. One of my friends from WoW told me to come to Balmung and that's when I finally started getting social in this game. Now I'm in an FC with people I love to be around. But it took a while.

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So that's pretty much a normal thingy for most folks? Joining multiple FCs to find ones ya click with?

I would say so, yeah. I went between groups of people for a long time in WoW and it wasn't until fairly recently that I found a group of people I was comfortable with.

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Originally Posted by CaptainCorgi

So that's pretty much a normal thingy for most folks? Joining multiple FCs to find ones ya click with?

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I do that a lot. But that's because I am a loner by default *cue FF loner music*

I played FFXI for over 10 years and had really loved playing with others. After adult onset of inattentive ADHD and depression I've found I had social anxiety IRL and it started creeping into the game maybe a year into playing FFXIV. Now the game is unplayable to me right now due to the fact I feel I can't catch up. I have a massive back log of games I quit playing because I felt it was getting "too hard" due to my inattentive ADHD. Not saying that is what you have but maybe look into it? It goes hand in hand with my social anxiety. I still play FFXIV but I just craft and not talk to anyone. If I didn't have a house, I'd quit for good. I really want to play with others but my anxiety keeps me from playing with people.

Someone long ago once told me that most people walk around thinking about their own stuff, how they appeared to others, that its very rare for anyone to actually fully notice you.

Don't get the idea in your head before any social interaction that anyone even gives 2 shts about you because chances are you will be forgotten, just like me and anyone else.

So with that in mind, entering any social action becomes easy, because you will only be noticed by those worth you noticing. Akin to the whole picture everyone naked, but closer to the truth than that really, because we all think about our own stuff more.

In order to cope with my social anxiety, I actually create an online persona and get into character. I used to roleplay a lot and took on several types of characters and roles, so in order to be able to write out roleplays I pretty much became a character outside of what I normally was. Am I not being the real me? No. But it allows me to comfortably talk to people or at least put myself out there. When I went to meet up with FC mates in Fanfest they pretty much all said I was completely different. I come off confident online but in real life I'm actually a wallflower that pretty much shrinks down around people.

Ouch this hits close to home.
I always feel like I end up being too formal online which results in creating distance with the people I party with or even my FC.
tbh the best way I cope with it is to be on call with a friend of mine who also plays.

Befriending people in a group seems a little less awkward than just trying to go up to someone solo and say hi imo, but even then it's still really hard to start a conversation with people outside dungeons and FC/LS ;;