All of the tanks are squishy if they don't use everything that's available to them. I actually use foresight with dark mind a lot.
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Taking your word at face value:
Sounds like your healer was slack off on the heals and trying to dps in that particular instance. or was new and doesn't know how to judge the tank by their gear. In either case their main priority should have been to see how well you handle the hits and placed up some defense (stone skin, adol, ect) to buy them some time before attempting to DPS, let alone be in cleric stance. Something I see a lot of healer's neglect or don't know how to time correctly.
Right now at level 38 I chose: MRD: Foresight PAL: ummm....taunt? Provoke! Provoke. PAL: Convalescence
I forget the names of the abilities sometimes, I just know what they do. So I have: -20% Damage Incoming (Looks like purple honeycomb, or protect), +20% Parry only useable in Dark Side (Dark Dance I think it is?) then I have +20% Raised Defenses (Foresight), +Healing Received from healing magic (Convalescence) and I think that's it. I may have Bloodbath too.
Thinking about crafting some gear...my gear is: HQ Steel Zweihander, Calvary Helmet, Calvary Chest, Calvary Gloves, Calvary Belt, HQ Toadskin Breeches, Calvary Boots then all HQ Sphene accessories (+3 VIT, +3 PARRY)
LOL
That was me healing as WHM I think. I did try to tell you - it wasn't your fault :). I am starting to level WHM again after not touching it in months (I main SCH) and getting caught because I keep forgetting - no fairy!
Plus I need to arrange my GUI so it lines up basically with my SCH one (kept hitting Esuna hotkey instead of Cure), also I haven't gotten Regen yet (will go do that ASAP).
I'm a half decent SCH most of the time but I kind of suck as a WHM so far!
It wasn't you it was the Scholar! Although - I do /feel/ squishy as a DRK compared to my Warrior and I'm trying to figure out why. Maybe Warriors get better mitigation spells early but later DRK catches up. I mean inner beast is 6 seconds of -30% INC damage that can be used pretty regularly. Like - a lot. So maybe that's why? No you are perfect sweet Chandra~
You kept me up on a super super big monster pull for a LONG time, the DPS was just too slow to win the Mana vs DPS race ;c That Scholar let me die like...3 times! Maybe he was just a bad SCH?
I still feel really squishy as a DRK though. My PLD is only 24 so I can't compare to GLD really. Only WAR (60) and DRK so far. DRK feels much squishier/takes more spikes in damage than WAR. Not sure why it seems that way. Perhaps I have just forgotten the late 30's feeling on my WAR but it was the exact same?
This post isn't really bashing or blaming healers - more just wondering why I feel so "light" as a DRK compared to my WAR and how can I fix it, or is it all just mental?
It seems like you got a bad SCH - that's when they actually have to start taking a more active role in healing, and can't really rely on the fairy 100%.
I also think it's a mentality thing. WAR is technically more spiky because of how they use self-healing as a part of their mitigation. The second boss of Qarn also hits a good bit harder than either of the other two, and can be something of a gauntlet for healers (in addition to medium-to-high tank damage, there's also a lot of AoE healing needed). If you want to get a feel for it, try queueing on your WAR a few times. That should give you a good baseline for how the jobs behave.
Also, you don't have Souleater yet in Qarn, and so are missing the slight extra mitigation it provides. It's a level 38 ability, so you'll have it in everything past Qarn, but Qarn unfortunately misses out on it.
In the end, from what I can gather, it was possibly just the facts:
1) That set of mobs hits harder than normal
2) You were using level 32 gear at a level 38 dungeon and most dungeons actually aren't as forgiving if you don't have of the level gear
3) The healer was surprised from the damage and couldn't hit you up fast enough.
It's just things that people learn along the way about the game and how their class works. Watch when you rerun this with full gear and see how silly easy it becomes. It's just adapting and seeing where needs to be improved. Good luck!
I'm inclined to say it's mostly mental. I have WAR as my main, and DRK is almost 52 for me, and the two have felt about the same. I say this having used WAR both before and after the Inner Beast change. DRK is about on par with WAR post-IB, and it feels slightly tankier in terms of damage mitigation than WAR did pre-IB change, but it's been a looong time since I played WAR with the old IB, so I would take this opinion with a grain of salt.
Just make sure you take and use any and all upgrades available to you. At your level (38) the HQ heavy plate combo pieces are probably your best bets (the head/chest and legs/feet suits). At 40, drop them for the HQ Mythril plate-level stuff (I think weaver makes the legs at that level though). Company gear can also serve you well to fill in gaps.
Finally, it's easy to go from a high level tank to a low level one and feel like paper, so don't get too down on yourself. It's pretty normal for everyone, like an end-game geared BLM who roulettes into Sastasha normal, where all you have is Aetherial Fire 1.
If he had grit up, mobs hitting harder in the area wouldn't really matter due to a full time -20% mitigation with similar defense cd rotations as PLD at this point. Alternatively PLD has to go through the same thing with no tank stance while DRK has it's passive -20%. Making DRK arguably better than PLD in mitigation at this particular point.
His gear is fine, assuming the truth was told. He'd be missing like 10-15 defense over all if he has full Calvary set in comparison to the gear drops from the sunken temple itself.