FFXIV Jokes

Two dragoons walk into a bar: one is the designated driver....both of them are on the floor.

A Dragoon, a Bard, a Paladin, an Astrologist and a Scholar are walking to the airport in Gridania. They take the airship and fly off.
Several yalms over Gridania the Bard takes out an arrow, throws it straightway from the airship and says: "We've got too many of these lying around when getting the crystal."
The Scholar takes his book and throws it off the ship as well. "What's that for?", wonders the Bard. "It seems the tree huggers aren't interested in lectures about living better with nature."
The Astrologist searches for his notes about the current star constellation and throws those off the ship: "The stars are lying every time someone's on the floor and tries to tank it."
This sentence makes the Dragoon go into rage and searches for something... He then grabs the Paladin and throws him off the ship.
Scholar, Astrologist and Bard look at the Dragoon with the jaws dropped. "What the heck?!", shouts the Scholar.

The Dragoon simply replies: "They're supposed to take all those AoE circles, not me or any other Dragoon!"

A Paladin walks into The Quicksands, saddles up at the bar to have a drink, when a Rogue taps him on the shoulder. The Rogue says, "Hey, Mr. PLD, I bet you 100,000 gil I can piss into that flagon over yonder on that table." He points to one of the center area tables, to the only flagon on it, on the far end of the table. The PLD looks at the flagon, then back to the Rogue, and then accepts. The Rogue says, "Alright, hold on a sec, gotta go finish my drink." The Rogue scoots off to a group of merchants, downs a glass of booze, comes back to the PLD, undoes his fly... turns back to the PLD suddenly and pisses all over him. The PLD shakes his head and blinks, smiling wide through the stench of the Rogue's foul piss, "Well, looks like you owe me 100,000 gil... why are you laughing?" The laughing Rogue wipes away a tear and says, "Well I just bet those merchants over there 1,000,000 gil each that I could piss all over you, and make you happy!

I should have known better than entering this topic, but I lost my Foresight.

A lalafell walks into a butcher's shop.

The butcher says, "I bet you 1 million gil you can't reach that meat on the top shelf."

The lalafell replies, "No, I won't take that bet - the steaks are too high..."

What did Ryne say to Thancred when he stubbed his toe?

"Turn the light on!"

What do you call a lalafell astrologian who just escaped from the gaol?

A small medium at large.

Last week, I was in Dun Scaith. We were doing the final boss and we had just completed the gate phase when I said in alliance chat: "If only Dragonball Super had been this exciting."

I really enjoyed Yda's development in Stormblood's storyline. it truly felt like she got a new..."Lyse" on life.

Why do tanks like Astrologians so much?
Because they're friends with Benefics.


What brand of clothing do Red Mages wear most?
Versace.

Cape Westwind

A GNB and a MCH are out adventuring in the Coerthas Highlands when the GNB drops to 1HP and falls to the ground. He doesn’t seem to be breathing and his eyes have rolled back in his head. The MCH grabs his Linkpearl and calls his static's main healer, a WHM. He gasps to her: “Our MT is dead! What can I do?” The WHM, in the most soothing voice she can muster, says: “Stay calm. I can help. First, let’s make sure he’s dead.” There is a silence, then a shot is heard. The MCH comes back on the line. He says: “OK, now what?”

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Shibi

A GNB and a MCH are out adventuring in the Coerthas Highlands when the GNB drops to 1HP and falls to the ground. He doesn’t seem to be breathing and his eyes have rolled back in his head. The MCH grabs his Linkpearl and calls his static's main healer, a WHM. He gasps to her: “Our MT is dead! What can I do?” The WHM, in the most soothing voice she can muster, says: “Stay calm. I can help. First, let’s make sure he’s dead.” There is a silence, then a shot is heard. The MCH comes back on the line. He says: “OK, now what?”

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Ok this is the best one I've seen take my like lmao

Quote:

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Originally Posted by ChaoticCrimson

<Insert necromancy joke here>

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You would have to resurrect that joke, wouldn't you?

Why do have Dragoons such spiky and edgy armor ?
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.
.
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Because when they die, they are at least useful as caltrops.

A dragoon walks into a bar. The rest of the party dodges. The red mage flips out.

So three Miqote men are standing at the threshold of the Gates of Thal's Realm, and Nald and Thal come with their merchant's balance to weigh their souls. Approaching the group of Miqote they say, "Hey, so, normally we'd weigh your souls, but we're a little full and a touch bored right now. We're going to cut you a nice deal though. One at a time tell us how you died, and the funniest death gets in without needing to be weighed. Weighing souls sometimes takes eons, so what'd ya say?"

One of the Miqote men steps foward and starts his story. "I'm a window washer for the Sultana's Breath apartment complex, and one day I was on my lunch break after finishing up the top floor windows. I'm sitting there on the scaffolding when all of a sudden I feel a hard hit against the back of my head. Next thing I know I'm bobbing up and down, my tail stuck in the scaffolding rope. I thought I might have a chance to make it, but gazing up I see the crazy tenant throwing his icebox down at me. After that I remember falling and blackness."

Nald and Thal chuckle a bit at the mention of the crazed tenant and the icebox, but otherwise frown.

The next Miqote man steps up and starts his tale. "I live with my Miqote wife at the top of the Sultana's Breath apartment complex. I've known for a few moons that she's been cheating on me, so the other day I vowed I'd catch her in the act. Returning from my job early, I spied the son of a gun daring to wash our windows! I grabbed the skillet from the stove top, and hit the bastard on the back of the head, and kicked as hard as I could at the scaffolding. It fell a few yalms, but he was still alive. In my rage I rushed back to the kitchen for something heavy, sure to kill him, and hoisted our icebox to the window. I heaved and ho'd and pushed it out... Too late I notice my tail caught in the door, and so I fell with it.


Nald and Thal stare wide eyed at the man, before looking to each other. Their lips start to curl to smile, but the third Miqote man interrupts, loudly.

"I've been cheating on my wife with a Keeper woman who lives at the top the Sultana's Breath apartment complex. We've never been caught, and I didn't think her husband was onto us, but danged if he didn't come home early the last time we had one another. She quickly ushered me into their icebox to hide, I barely fit, and next thing I knew, I was here!"

Not a joke per-se but anytime someone says "ERP" in FF14, I keep thinking Enterprise Resource Planning and at work I think of Erotic Role Play.

When you've saved the world alone again, what does Alphinaud say afterwards? We...

https://pbs.twimg.com/media/FJCbt09W...jpg&name=small

This game is too flashy!

Just leveled machinist, saw this, choked laughing at the timing.

https://i.imgur.com/SGOzh9n.jpeg

Quote:

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Originally Posted by TheMightyMollusk

A dragoon walks into a bar. The rest of the party dodges. The red mage flips out.

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The BLM dodges at first, but gets nicked when the bar swings back cus they had their ley lines down and got greedy.

Also, I nominate this for best joke in the thread:

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Shibi

A GNB and a MCH are out adventuring in the Coerthas Highlands when the GNB drops to 1HP and falls to the ground. He doesn’t seem to be breathing and his eyes have rolled back in his head. The MCH grabs his Linkpearl and calls his static's main healer, a WHM. He gasps to her: “Our MT is dead! What can I do?” The WHM, in the most soothing voice she can muster, says: “Stay calm. I can help. First, let’s make sure he’s dead.” There is a silence, then a shot is heard. The MCH comes back on the line. He says: “OK, now what?”

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-What does the Crystal Tower and Shiva have in Common?
>Bone Dragon.

-How do you call a psychic Lalafell that is wanted by the Cityguard?
>a small medium at large.

Why didn't anyone like Xande's ideas?

He didn't have Allag to stand on!

i heard there's a Loporit who's a huge fan of the Mandalorian. apparently his name is "Thisistheway". (yeah, that sounded funnier in my head, but if it made someone laugh, then i've done my job.)

I once walked into the Forgotten Knight with a pickaxe in my hand....

....and found out they don't serve miners.

(Yes, one of my first posts a few years ago was the same joke. I still make myself chuckle at it :D )

My friend asked me to make them an item. Problem is, the only recipe I know how to Kraft is Mac & cheese

saw one from a meme of the Zalera FB page.

what do you call a fake Lalafel?

an imitator.

but honestly though? if i get a group and someone cracks a bad pun, i'll crack one as well. i enjoy a good laugh as it can make the experience more pleasant IMO.

don't wanna double post, so i'll just edit this one.

what do you call a Sahagan in a suit?

Sofishticated.