Wanting to start ex/savage

I wouldn't necessarily start with older EXs synced. Instead try older EXs unsynced, as this will give you a sense of the pace of mechanics without the risk of messing up for 7 other people.
Then move up to doing a couple level 80 EXs unsynced. If you can do those, and you know you level 90 rotation well enough then there's no reason you can't jump into current practice parties.

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Originally Posted by NegativeS

Step 4. Queue for the content.

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If one is interested in doing anything more recent than ARR extremes, queuing on an NA or EU data center is asking for a bad time.

It's important to understand that Extreme trials [____ (Extreme) or The Minstrel's Ballad: ____] and Savage raids [____ (Savage) or The ____ Coil of Bahamut] have unignorible mechanics that require coordination to handle. The punishments for failing these mechanics range from a vulnerability stack to an instant party wipe, and everyone needs to know which mechanics must be handled and how to handle them. The cheesability of mechanics will vary by trial, particularly by how far into the expansion the trials or raids were introduced, because overgearing will make mechanics in most earlier content easier to ignore safely. However, it's unusual for even expansion max IL players to be able to ignore every mechanic in a fight; there will always be some mechanics that need to be choreographed.

Queuing is standard practice on Japanese servers, where the community uses standardized strategies that are easily diagrammed and explained in macro form. However, NA and EU servers don't have such widespread agreement on strategies and choreography, and hoping to get eight people in a matched party who all know the choreography for an Extreme or Savage fight is unlikely. As such, the convention on NA and EU servers is to gather your party in Party Finder with clear communication about goals and strategies so that everyone is on the same page going in. Whether your preferred format is fresh no spoilers or everyone watch a guide, this is the way to go about it. Just be clear about what you want and expect of your party members and you'll usually get some good runs in.

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Originally Posted by Xaruko_Nexume

TLDR Where should I start? Doing some older ex synced? Does party finder have a way to find groups for new raiders who are happy and willing to wipe over and over to learn and not expect completion? Or should I watch how to videos on current Pandemonium stuff and focus on that instead?

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Do pandemonium normal, and then jump into a learning PF for one of the two EX trials. This late into the lifecycle of these EX encounters you will generally be expected to watch a guide first, unless the party is specifically labeled "blind".

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Originally Posted by Xaruko_Nexume

What is expected of me to have before I even start? Raid consumables of some kind? Potions? Certain materia's or item levels? (side note, I still dont understand materia...at all)

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Melded gear and basic raid food if you feel like it. You can meld using last expansions Materia for the time being, as it won't break when you take it out of gear.

Pieces generally have two substats (crit, direct hit, det, etc). One substat will be higher than the other; This substat is considered 'capped', so you can't meld any more of it. You can meld any sub-stat that isn't capped, up to the same amount as that 'capped' stat. Materia priorities for jobs vary, but it's usually hard to go wrong with a simple priority like Crit>DirectHit/Det. Meld crit unless the piece is capped on crit, if it's capped on crit meld DH or DET. While in the melding UI, it's possible to see these caps and it will indicate if you are going over.

There's a lot of more granular stuff to learn about melding later on, but for a learner the basics should suffice.

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Originally Posted by Xaruko_Nexume

I really dont know how the social structure of raiding in this game but want to learn so any advice or direction to helpful websites for noobies is appreciated.

I really love this game but I want to do more than level jobs to 90 only to stop and level another. That isn't going to keep me engaged forever no matter how much I enjoy the game.

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A lot of people will be willing to help you out in learning parties, as long as you are receptive and respectful. It's okay to make a lot of mistakes in a fresh learning party.

*Insert Just Do It meme here*. But seriously, all I do is watch a guide once through, meld my gear, get some food, then go die a few times until I learn it. Pretty much every learning party will be forgiving for mistakes.

I hate to sound like a broken record but thank you all so much. This thread has given me a lot of confidence to try. I don't expect immediate success and I will make mistakes, but thank you all again.

Add materia to your gear and use a food buff (if you do this you will already be more prepared than many others joining PF groups lol). If you have trouble finding a PF group, don’t be afraid to make your own. It will be the first time for others joining as well. And if you don’t clear it with your first group, you will eventually. It’s just a matter of time. I cleared both ex using PF blind. I would recommend blind first attempts, then watching videos for the parts you don’t get. Chances are someone in your group will have experience and be able to advise you anyway.

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Originally Posted by Xaruko_Nexume

TLDR Where should I start? Doing some older ex synced? Does party finder have a way to find groups for new raiders who are happy and willing to wipe over and over to learn and not expect completion?

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While I always recommend doing older extremes synced, because it's fun (and also a learning experience, because a lot of mechanics you don't see doing them unsynced are mechanics you will be seeing again later), I don't think it's the best place to start if you haven't already been doing them. If you want to start practicing higher-level content, I'd recommend doing it in current content such that you're learning with your current kit for the job.

Folks have already covered party finder for starting out in-depth, so I'll share an anecdote from my own experience to illustrate something.

For me, I wanted to start doing higher-end content, and someone in my FC started a static for first-timers. I joined in, and we started with what was then the current extreme, the third extreme trial of Shadowbringers. I will be honest, I was what I would term "not good". (Honestly, I was what I would term "a massive liability".) But we cleared that extreme, and moved on into savage.

And in time, the group disbanded and folks went on to new statics and more seriously raided. (And the "newbie static" became a tradition in the FC, for folks who want to get into that content.) And that was partly because as time went on, some of the group wanted to be more serious about stuff, and some wanted to stay casual.

And that's what I'd say I'd focus on most: find a group where the expectations are in line with yours. If you're in a casual group and want to focus more seriously on it, that's going to lead to frustration than if you're in a serious group and aren't feeling up to that commitment and challenge.

I think one of the keys there was that we were starting out and no one had expectations of anyone being really good right out of the gate. And when folks' expectations no longer were all in alignment, it was time for the group to disband amicably and move on. (Which is also a tradition for the newbie static in my FC, at this point.)

That said, there are plenty of newbie-friendly statics out there, especially at the beginning of a raid tier -- lots of people want to get into raiding, and there are people who are experienced but also enjoy helping folks get started. You can poke on your server's subforum here, or hit up /r/FFXIVRECRUITMENT on reddit, and there are raid community Discords for most of the datacenters which have 'looking for group' and 'looking for member' type channels. Primal, for instance, has (among others) the Primal Raid Community or "PRC". (Which you can find here, as you're on Famfrit and thus a fellow Primal player.)

As others have said, as long as you're willing to learn -- and do the bare minimum to show you're a team player out of the gate, like melding reasonable materia and bothering to have a food buff going -- people are generally going to be willing to help you learn.

I am pretty sure it has been said before in the thread but the party finder is where you need to go to get grouped up for this content. You can certainly watch a guide to help you get familiar with what is going on but no guide is going to prepare you to make a clear run before you practice. The PF has parties that are specifically for learning/practice, and those groups that I have been in generally expect mistakes. Usually learning/practice groups aren't expecting a clear that run.

1) Learn how to play your job. Balance Discord you’ll find guides and help here.
2) Practice rotation on a dummy. Your rotation will become 2nd nature to you.
3) Join practice parties. You’ll slowly get used to doing rotation mid combat.

No need to do old content. Just do the most recent Extremes/Savage.
Always remember that even the best players in the world make mistakes.

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Originally Posted by Xaruko_Nexume

Does party finder have a way to find groups for new raiders who are happy and willing to wipe over and over to learn and not expect completion?

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Yes, it does. Look for a [Practice] party because these are not intended to clear but just to practice and wipe. Read the description. If it says "fresh" then they are starting from the beginning, but occasionally it will say "from phase 2" so only join those if you are getting to that phase without mistakes.

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Or should I watch how to videos on current Pandemonium stuff and focus on that instead? What is expected of me to have before I even start? Raid consumables of some kind? Potions? Certain materia's or item levels? (side note, I still dont understand materia...at all)

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You can lookup a guide on youtube before joining if you want to not waste their time as much. You should do this unless it says "blind" in the description. You can also watch a "RDM PoV" video to see someone clear in real time as an RDM.

For consumables, you should get the highest item level (currently 560) high-quality food available with desirable stats such as crit, direct hit and determination. You should have a stack of the latest high-quality potions (Grade 5 Tincture of Intelligence for RDM).

Next week it will be very easy to obtain item level 580 with crafted gear so you should consider that. Materia is just used to boost the stats of your gear, so simply get some crit, direct hit or determination X materia, go to a materia melder and put it on. If a stat appears as red then it will overcap on that stat, so meld a different one to that piece of gear.

To gain confidence, you can unlock the The Burning Field at Radz-At-Han and do the DPS check for the new raids. If you don't beat it before the time limit you may need to work on your rotation or gear. If the quest is unavailable you will need to unlock Stone, Sky, Sea first at Idyllshire https://ffxiv.consolegameswiki.com/w...Place_to_Train

For optimization and doing better damage, you can join The Balance discord.