Yes, a lot of players circumvent the problem by avoiding PUGs as tanks and only take the role when playing with friends. It unfortunately means that tanks are still very rare in public games.
Anyway, there tend to be more elitists at higher levels. Most will comment on gear or how big of a mob you can pull without dying, but all those can be accumulated with time and experience. A lot of the dungeon tricks and trials are just about learning the mechanics. Watching how other tanks do things (using a video or on a dps/healer alt class) is probably the easiest way to improve. If you have a good fc or friends online, they can also point out various tricks that may suit your playstyle. Just take your time and have fun. Eventually, you'll find that only 1 or 2 people every week is actually saying something half-legitimate while everyone else is just posturing.
If you have any specific questions, or if the pressure gets too much, feel free to bring them up on the forums. The tank and healer subforums have some amusing horror story threads and a sympathetic audience for that purpose.
